Discorded Twilight Sparkle, Magic Isn't

Twilight Sparkle"Alone In A Group"

Greetings, my name is Twilight Sparkle. I am a unicorn and I am -not- a goth. These are my natural colors.  Yes I am the personal apprentice of Princess Celestia and holder of the central Element of Harmony 'Magic' and basically the leader of the Elemental Harmony Squad (Pinkie or Rainbow came up with that name, not me).

Huh? I am NOT a Mary Sue!

Ahem.

1) If I was a Mary Sue I'd have been teaching my new friends what it -meant- to be friends when I first came to Ponyville instead of the other way around.

2) My spell to redirect the parasprite's hunger wouldn't have backfired.

3) My failsafe spell wouldn't have failed.

4) Also I would have defeated an actually Ursa Major instead of pacifying an Ursa Minor.

5) I'd have won the Running of the Leaves race instead of coming in fifth place.

6) I wouldn't have a nervous breakdown every time a plan of mine blows up in my face.

AND I'D HAVE ALREADY FIGURED OUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY FRIENDS!  I know I'm supposed to talk about myself and my life and my Element first but I can't stand it!

AJ's been wrong or stubborn about things but I've never heard her -lie!-

Rainbow Dash told me about Pinkamina, and I guess that's some precedence, but Rainbow didn't describe her as being this . . . snappy. Pinkamina was melancholy, angry, and did not want anything to do with us, but she didn't act like the whole of Equestia was against her!

Okay Rarity likes jewelry, I'll admit it. She likes things beautiful and they help make things beautiful! But why a rock-?! Okay she told us about her cutie mark and the 'dumb rock' full of gems and maybe she thinks there's one in there . . . but why is she being so paranoid, er, obsessive, over it? I know she flipped out over the idea of her Gala dress getting stained, and she'll go nuts if her hard work at making herself or something pretty goes to waste . . . But why is she treating it like it's the husband she never had?!

Fluttershy . . . I know she has different shades to herself besides the pure as freshly fallen snow waif we're all used to. We've all seen The Stare in action, and we all try not to think about the incident at the Gala . . . maybe that was a mistake.  

I really can't imagine this being a side of her we've simply never seen yet. It's not that she's now assertive, is no longer afraid to talk above a whisper, it's not even that she's now speaking her mind without reservation . . . -she's vicious!-

It's almost like she -enjoyed- seeing me hurt when she reminded me I longer had my horn.

You have no idea how horrible a feeling that is, imagine losing a foreleg, and multiply that a few times squared. I imagine Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy feel the same about their wings.

Not so fun a fact: losing my horn doesn't make me an Earth Pony. My musculature is still built for charging not kicking and my bones are between an Earth Pony and a Pegasus' in terms of strength/fragility. (Rainbow Dash should be happy she doesn't shatter her hollow bones more often.)  And I now have a bunch of major arteries crisscrossing at point in my forehead with nothing!

I'm like a foal without her skull yet fully formed.

The way Fluttershy is acting is not right at all! I compare it to how Princess Celestia acted today. Even when she was angry (It was really scary, I don't think I've EVER seen her angry before) the Princess was still thinking of us and everyone: I still recognized Celestia.  I don't recognize Fluttershy at all!

The others I know it's them, I can still see them there, but is this even really Fluttershy? Sadly I can tell that at least she's not Discord in disguise or just an illusion . . . but . . . what is WRONG with her? Can't she even tell-?!

And finally Rainbow Dash . . . she wouldn't leave us . . but she did. It doesn't make sense! Nothing makes sense! Confusion tears through my, my mind like a, like a maelstrom!  This has to be a dream, an illusion, an alternate reality or something!

"Et's all righ' Twili'. Ah know everythin' es gonna turn out okay."  I feel AJ's kind-hearted nuzzling and look at her. I can't tell if she's lying this time or not. Is she being honest now, or is she getting the hang of lying? Either way, I want to believe what she has to say. I want to believe her kind-hearted words.  

Kind? Is that what this has been all about? She's been lying to be kind?

If what AJ is saying is a lie, then I think I prefer it to the truth. If there's no chance, I prefer to pretend that there is.

Rarity is still being viciously protective of her 'diamond.' Even as the world falls apart she wants to be with her precious treasure until the end. I guess things can't fail her like we've failed each other.

Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie still have those vicious and angry looks on their faces. But I can't blame them now. Maybe they could only be kind and playful because the world was able to allow it.  

Maybe once the world stops being kind, maybe when the world stops being playful, maybe that's when we stop too.

With Applejack -the first of my friends I formally made in Ponyville- still next to me, I look at the part of the sky Rainbow Dash flew away towards. Why did she leave us? She wouldn't without a reason. I know whatever it was it had to be important. Maybe loyalties only last until something bigger comes along. So much for the ponytail of the loyal Samurai.

Maybe friendship only lasts until the world applies just the right pressure.  Is this the truth Applejack didn't want me to see?

Princess . . .help . . . I feel sick. My head swims. My heart feels like there's a needle in it. My legs waver even as Applejack supports me.

Princess, are THESE the lessons I should have been learning from the start?  

I've always thought I knew so much, but I see I've understood so little.

I'm so confused. But maybe the confusion is better if understanding is so horrid? Everything is darker now. I feel cold but I'm not afraid.

Why is my coat turning gray?

- Twilight Tragedy

(continued in Epilogue)