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My Little Pony friendship Is Magic
Reharmonization Pony POV Series
Episode Title: "Everkind Forest"

The five bearers made their way straight to the Everfree Forest as the pegasus flies. All of them wondered what fate Rainbow Dash had brought upon herself or had been forced upon her in the mean time. By now the fog had reasserted itself. But Twilight's wind spell and Trixie's emulation of Pegasi weather magic were keeping it away from themselves as much as possible,(even if AJ wasn't sure the fog was the real danger). Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense meanwhile was apparently still on vacation. Rarity helped how she could and acted as an extra light source as the fog refused to submit to the will of the almighty sun. Twilight tried REALLY hard not to think about that implication!

At the edge of the forest, they spotted Rainbow Dash simply staring in slacked-jawed bewilderment, they did too.

Twilight said it first. "AJ, since you seem to know these things, are we hallucinating again?"

"Ah...don't think so. But Ah'm kinda wonderin' if the truth thingie is on the fritz seein' this."

Twilight just nodded, not questioning.

After waking up the other ponies from their fake ideal lives, AJ had to more or less let known the weird 'trait' she had picked up since her visit from Celestia. "How come I can't get truth vision?" Had been Pinkie's instant reply. AJ had begun to worry, she didn't gain this sight right after looking into truth, it developed a while later. AJ just hoped she didn't end up with little round silver truth balls for eyeballs and rendering everypony who looked her in the eye a sobbing mess. But AJ held true to her mantra that she wouldn't deny or fear the truth if that turned out to be the case. If it came to that AJ hoped her eyes weren't sensitive to contact lenses. Besides unlike Trixie, AJ knew they didn't have time to hear her lament. They had to find and save Fluttershy.

"Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie shouted out. "You dummy! Don't rush off like that!"

AJ did a quick look in RD's eyes to make sure she wasn't brainwashed now.

"Rainbow I must admit that I can appreciate the desire to save Fluttershy, but that quite foalish on your part in the extreme," Rarity admonished.

"Don't do that again!" Trixie snapped at her, and if they had been listening for it, they would have heard -concern- coming from Trixie's mouth!

"You're not the boss of me!"

"You don't seem to be the boss of you either!"

"Girls! We've had enough arguments for one day!" Twilight said, "And Rainbow Dash don't do that again."

"I'm sorry, it's just, remember what Princess Celestia had to do because she couldn't use the Element of Harmony right to save Luna? I still think this is horse apples but if something has taken over Fluttershy I'm not seeing her sent to the moon for a thousand years because we took the easy way out with Celestia!"

Twilight felt hurt. Why do so many ponies assume Celestia was going to banish any problem she laid her eyes on? Didn't any of them know how much it HURT Celestia to do what she had to do?

"Please tell me you realized the foalishness of this and chose to wait for us." Rarity said almost pleadingly.

RD blushed. "Actually, ya see I kinda stopped dead in my tracks wondering if the fog was making me see things again or what. I mean," RD gestured wildly at the forest behind her. "HAY! Who stole Everfree?"

"It looks kinda like Everfree." Pinkie said.

"Maybe on opposite day!" Rainbow Dash snapped.

"Mayhaps, but I personally can't help but feel it's an improvement," Rarity said sophisticatedly. "Even if it is somewhat garish."

"'A little garish?' Ick! I don't mind cute, but this is gonna make my teeth fall out!"

Pinkie Diane Pie said, "Dashie, we're brightly colored talking magical ponies."

"So?"

Pinkie Diane Pie groaned.

Where the Everfree Forest was supposed to be was indeed a group of trees that were the proper species and number. But the trees' bark was pale almost golden yellow, the leaves were bright pink and the flowers (FLOWERS in Everfree) were bright blue (not poison joke). And there was a healthy population of butterflies. There were honey bees too, but they seemed to be lacking stingers.

And the trees, they were arranged almost like a landscaper's design or an orchard! Everything was so organized, all the trees neatly in rows, equal space from each other, letting in enough sunlight for all. And where were all those sparkles coming from anyway?

And all those hyper organized trees had -smiling faces-! The exact opposite of the nightmare trees that the heroes had encountered on their quest to defeat Nightmare Moon. There was also the alien presence of fruit trees, a lot of them, bearing fruit at an impossible rate that grew heavy and fell to the ground only for more to grow on the tree to take its place. Twilight got a headache when she saw a sign with cutely designed letters labled 'Gem Tree.' A huge tree next to it with various precious stones growing from it.

"This breaks so many laws of magic I don't know where to even begin." Twilight said dismayed as her precious logic and reason were slapped in the face so much she wanted to just hug them, wipe away their tears, and tell them that she still loved them.

"This is like Ponyville under Discord." Applejack said.

Twilight said analytically, "No, this doesn't feel like his style at all. There isn't enough exploding chocolate milk."

Pinkie Pie said, "It's funny you should mention that. Fluttershy with a really weird look on her face a day or two after we beat Mr. Discord asked me how much chocolate rain I swallowed. After I told her 'a lot', she hit me with a little mallet, then asked me to swallow a blasting cap."

RD asked, "How did the cap taste?"

"No real bang to it."

"And you didn't think that was strange behavior at the time?!" Rarity said agitated.

"I was in my insane 'party for three weeks straight' mode at the time remember? I wasn't exactly thinking rationally."

'I'm still getting used to her thinking rationally period,' Rarity thought.

That was when the world's smallest and cutest trumpet played. RD swore if she saw the flowers start playing music now she'd jump off a cliff with her wings folded. However, it wasn't the flowers providing music.

The short, simply jingle got all the ponies' attention.

The trees parted in attendance for the new arrival who trotted, okay, skipped happily out to the edge of the Everfree Forest.

"ZECORA-?!" Twilight gasped.

"THIS IS ZECORA-?!" Trixie exclaimed disbelieving. This was the Zebra they had traveled all this way to see in the first place?

"Yes, and no." RD said.

"Hello! No need to bellow!" She replied with a smile in a voice so small, sweet, and innocent that it made Sweetie Belle sound like Angry Pie.

The Zebra was now the age of the Cutie Mark Crusaders or possibly even Pipsqueak. She was short, stubby, a little pudgy, looking at them round innocent but playful eyes (which strangely weren't discorded). Her gray hide with black strips were now brightly colored. A little trumpet was draped over one shoulder. Around her neck was a platinum butterfly necklace. And her cutie mark now looked like it had drawn in with a crayon.

For the ponies this last part was part was both adorable and disturbing, a cutie mark was a reflection of the pony's inner most soul, for -that- to have changed was a little chilling.

"I...I...I can't....can't resist . ." Pinkie Pie's entire body shook.

The whole group went on alert.

Twilight asked concerned, "Pinkie Pie? Can you hear me?! What's wr-"

"SO CUTE~!"

Pinkie Pie took up Zecora into her arms and began cuddling her like a teddybear.

"Put me down. Okay, even if you don't I won't frown!" The zebra foal hugged back.

"Zecora! What happened to you? Is that really you?" If not for the cutie mark, Twilight would thought Zecora had relatives visiting.



Zecora grinned. "Yes, it's me! Tee-hee! Princess Gaia gave me a precious gift! And...there's no need for it to cause a rift?" Zecora said looking a little unsure.

"Oh even your bad versing is adorable!" Pinkie Pie nuzzled her.

"It's only cute cause she's little, squat and plump." Trixie said curtly.

"And isn't it adorable?" RD said before shaking her head getting her wits at looking at the impossibly cute foal.

"Pinkie put her down," AJ said sternly.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes," Everyone said.

"I'm not in a bind, I don't mind."

"Do it now Pinkie," Twilight said simply.

Pinkie Pie did so reluctantly.

"Hello and welcome all of you! All your sadness is through! Welcome to Everkind Forest! Where all happiness sings in chorus!"

AJ asked, "You didn't really get the whole 'speaking in rhyme' thing down until you were older did ya Zecora?"

"Nope!" Zecora said proudly.

"My dear I must say while your new look is technically appealing, I must confess the design style is rather shallow and while the individual traits are appealing on their own, they only rudimentary compliment each other." Rarity said looking over the little foal Zecora.

"This is the new look Princess Gaia picked for me! Tee-hee! So of course it's perfect! There's no need to be so...stufferfect?"

Pinkie Pie giggled.

"Princess Gaia?" Twilight asked.

"Yes yes! She came to Everfree and made it a better! The badness she did fetter! She made me all cute! And she wants to teach me how to play the lute! My heart she did lay to bare! Now I am her royal foot-mare! You are her special guests! So welcome last adults in the world: once Princess Gaia's happiness has been totally unfurled! Now come along! Princess Gaia wants us all to have fun!"

"What do you mean last adults in the world-?!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

"Everyone is more happy as foals, so of course everyone should be foals! What would be mean would be to steal memories, or to make one a foal without being given the heart of one, or be given the mind of one without being given the body of one! But Princess Gaia isn't like that! Everything will be better now that she's up to bat!"

"So why wasn't Cheerilee made a foal?" Twilight always the curious one asked.

"Cause foals need a protector, duh. And Princess Gaia hasn't made all of the world happy yet, so someone has to make sure the foals don't hurt themselves!"

"How considerate." RD grumbled.

"YES! Isn't she the bestest Princess in the whole wide world? She's the best Princess ever in the history of everything and the universe! She's gonna make everything at least two hundred percent cooler!"

"I wasn't more happy as a foal," Pinkie Pie said in the most straight, matter of fact, and almost -harsh- tone she had ever used.

"We need to fix that then. Happiness is right around the bend."

Twilight asked, "How did she know we were coming?"

"All that nature sees, Princess Gaia sees. Er, you don't need to sneeze?"

RD took the foal by the shoulders. "Zecora! Where's Fluttershy-?! Everyone says they saw her flying towards here yesterday!"

"Fluttershy? Fluttershy? Oh yes Princess Gaia! She came upon Everfree, and saw it was not kind. But she realized the power within and ascended to a higher state than us. And she in her kindness she has made Everfree Everkind and all of us will be innocent and pure again. So? Let's not be, er, lagin'? She's waiting for you at her castle, so let's not have a hassle."

"Fluttershy has a castle?" Pinkie Pie asked in disbelief rather than naivety.

"Fluttershy wouldn't do this!" RD exclaimed.

Rarity looked at Rainbow Dash sadly. "You mean make others happy? You mean do it in the most gentle way possible? You mean not wanting to do violence herself even if she'll let others do it for a good cause? You mean being forceful if emotionally backed into a corner? You mean letting her cowardice get the better of her when we aren't there to support her? You mean liking things pleasant and peaceful and being a polite hostess?"

"I, I, she wouldn't, she couldn't, she wouldn't, I know her!"

Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash and wondered. Had Celestia's companions seen this face when the Princess was informed or bore witness to Luna's fall into insanity?

Rarity looked Rainbow Dash in the eyes trotting right in front of her, everyone else just an audience.

"I'm sorry Rainbow Dash, I really am. This is the last thing you should have to hear." Then Rarity nearly shouted, "But I know Fluttershy better than you do!" RD fluttered back a few hooves. "You may have grown up with her but that doesn't mean you understood her!"

"No! No! No! Not good at all! Hear this fable, such feelings are forbidden at Princess Gaia's table!"

"Zecora," Twilight said, "Take us to Fluttershy."

"Of course! No need for a divorce! That's why Princess Gaia sent me! Not to talk about birds and bees! To bring her best friends to her castle! Just follow this loyal vassal!"

"This is very likely a trap," Trixie said pragmatically.

"Or Fluttershy just wants to talk," Rarity said.

"Or a trap."

"But if she's willing to talk then it's too big a opportunity -not- to risk it," Twilight said simply.

"I don't think I'm leading you into a trap," said Zecora, "So no need to snap."

Zecora then happily skipped ahead of them, slowing down only so they could catch up with her. Playing her horn a few times as if it was the most wonderful sound in the world.

Worried about more mind control music, Twilight asked her to please stop and was surprised when Zecora complied.

Seeing the zebra who she considered almost another mentor reduced to a perky happy-go-lucky foal was rather jarring for Twilight. She considered using the memory spell then and there on Zecora, and almost did, but if Fluttershy now had all the might and terror of Everfree Forest under her command, Twilight didn't want to antagonize her further.

"Zecora. You do realize you're under a geass right?"

"Of course silly filly! If I wasn't, I'd be way too embarrassed to do any of this! But for something better I couldn't wish! I haven't felt this happy since I left home! For far too long did I roam! Serving a Princess I never did dream, but I am happy to be on her team!"

"You do know you're only happy doing it because of the geass?"

"I don't mind. She is very kind."

"But you don't mind because of the geass too!"

"That's its appeal. It's a great package deal!"

Twilight sighed, and looked around at the forest of death that was now a kingdom of lollipops and sprinkles that made the rest of Equestria look like Dragon Queen Tiamat's kingdom. She tried her hardest not to think about how welcoming it all looked.

"This here is Everfree? What the heck did Fluttershy DO-?!" AJ asked looking around.

"She made it kind. Isn't that kind?" Zecora said redundantly redundant.

Twilight stared the beasts and creatures of Everfree all coming into view, and acting as docile and harmless as common house pets.

The parasprites were in sight, and were not eating everything in sight and were not reproducing like crazy. Instead they seemed to be making pretty patterns with their different colored bodies.

The girls panicked when they saw a cockatrice. Zecora laughed and petted it, it now had big bright sparkling blue eyes.

"That is so wrong." RD said.

"You should hear what the Princess has planned for the hydra of Froggy Bottom Bog!"

"Ugh. No thanks."

"The Princess also removed all the Poison Joke, she decided that practical jokes weren't really all that funny to the person they were happening to."

"It's Fluttershy," Dashie said a sprinkling of despair.

"The Princess also reduced the fur-till-it-tea of the animals to almost nothing. And sure all of Everkind's creatures could live in perfect harmony with each other without having to eat each other!"

Twilight glanced and saw a small flight of dragons. They had wings, but looked to be about Spike's size and build which biologically didn't make sense since dragons Spike's age didn't have their wings yet! In other words, they were what Fluttershy would want every dragon to be. They were all also fat. Lazily eating up the endless supplies of jewels the gem-trees were providing.

The gang also saw a pack of wolves, now with flat teeth eating grass along side a herd of deer!

"How could she have done all this in such a short amount of time? This is impossible. Even Celestia and Luna together couldn't have made all these changes in a day." Twilight said in distraught confusion.

"Nothing is impossible for the Princess and her kindness!" Zecora declared proudly.

That was when they came to a very familiar river. A Twilight could guess where they were going now.

"WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL DAY! WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME TO BE ALIVE~~! EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AND NICE~~!"

"I'd know that voice anywhere!" Rarity exclaimed even before the great purple sea-serpent rose from the riverbed.

Trixie shouted in alarm. Twilights tackled her before she electrified the entire river in perceived self defense. "Trixie! He's harmless!"

"Oh, right, Everkind."

"Actually this guy was perfectly nice before." Pinkie Pie said.

"Something NICE in Everfree-?!"

"I live in Everfree and I'm nice! And it was well worth the price!" Zecora said.

Trixie knew Zecora from her and Twilight's chats about the bearers' various misadventures. Twilight felt Trixie would trust her more if Twilight showed she wasn't afraid to share her humiliating misadventures (such as discarding a book as nonsense purely on the title). Trixie did admit she had never met a Zebra before (then again they did live on an entirely different landmass) but she doubted anything she saw related to how Zecora normally was, such as that silly rhyming.

The sea-serpent looked exactly the same as ever. Except he now had a piece of purple pony tail on his neck via a cord being worn as a necklace. His mustache was whole and orange. He noticed the ponies at once.

"OH MISS BELLE! What a pleasant surprise! Would you like to stay for tea? I have a special brand from an extinct civilization that really knew how to carry a tune I've been saving for just such an occasion!" He then saw Zecora. "Oh right! Ahem, 'Greetings Envoy of her Kindnesty Princess Gaia. How may I serve ye?' I think the 'ye' is a bit tacky."

"Don't tell that to Princess Luna," Twilight said under her breath.

"It is what Princess Gaia wants, so it can't be wrong," Zecora said with pure happy absolute confidence in her master. "And we simply wish across Sir nothing more."

"I'm sorry dear but I can't stay, I have a very dear friend I need to have a long talk with." Rarity replied. "I see you've kept my tail."

"Oh yes! It was just so lovely that when my mustache grew back in I just HAD to keep it! It's wonderful to see you again! You know I had to ask some of the monsters more about you Miss Belle. Since you never use your last name it was hard to find it out."

"Please just call me Rarity dear." Rarity said politely smiling going straight into high society mode. "So how are you?"

"While getting used to a, -UGH!-" The sea serpent said in total disgust, "'Vegetarian diet' is going to take more than little getting used to and I may just have to order out fish from now on instead of catching them myself. Though I must say I positively LOVE these neighborhood improvements! It's far more Feng shui! I've been sending letters of complaint to the Royal Pony Sisters castle for years but haven't gotten a reply to a single one until yesterday!"

The ponies wondered how to explain to the sea serpent that the sisters had had a change of address in the last thousand years?

"You're not enchanted in the least are you?" Rarity asked simply.

The serpent looked embarrassed, "I'm completely enchanting, does that count?"

"Excuse me." Trixie heard herself asking. "But you're a SEA-serpent aren't you? What are you doing in a river?"

The sea serpent blushed (which reptiles weren't supposed to do) and said hesitantly, "Well, mother didn't precisely have the best sense of direction...And a little stubborn side, she refused to admit this wasn't a sea even after father explained the differences between various bodies of water."

"You really should consider moving. Everfree Forest isn't a worthy neighborhood of a fashionable gentleman such as yourself." Rarity said politely.

"After it's FINALLY been improved by new management?"

"Yes but this new decor the city-planning is enforcing, it COMPLETELY CLASHES with your color scheme!"

"Hmmmm. I didn't consider that. Maybe I should."

"Ahem! The Princess is waiting...and er, we don't have time for verbal baiting?" Little Zecora asked aloud.

"Oh right right, have a good day to you and your entourage Miss Rarity!"

"You too sir." Rarity replied politely.

After crossing the river, Trixie walked in mute silence for a few minute before finally blurting out. "Did we just have a polite conversation with a SEA SERPENT IN A RIVER?"

"Yes." Twilight said.

"Am I delusional? Are we delusional? Is this a dream? Is this a nightmare? Have I gone crazy?"

"No. No. I don't think so. I hope so, then we could wake up. And I fairly sure you have not."

And this left Twilight with having to explain their original encounter with the sea serpent. Which of course lead to the much larger explanation of events surrounding their original quest into Everfree and details Twilight skimmed over when first telling Trixie about Twilight's experience and knowledge of the power Trixie carried inside her.

What left Trixie the most befuddled, the most astounded, was how quickly the six ponies had grown to trust one another, and how all six just happened to fit the bill for one of the elements, and how each roadblock Nightmare Moon had put in their way had help them realize their strengths. Trixie wondered if Nightmare Moon somewhere deep down had -wanted- to be defeated. And more importantly, Trixie wondered, 'Can ponies really become friends that fast?'

That was when Trixie saw something. The scream died in her throat. She hid behind RD and Twilight, and shouted. "Twilight! Rainbow! Keep them away!"

The others were startled too at what they saw but not scared out of their wits. Yet logic had stepped down as advisor to Trixie's brain for the moment.

"You've GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

"Help me!" Trixie exclaimed her fear rising to irrational panic.

"ZECORA SEND THEM AWAY THIS INSTANT!" Twilight shouted figuring Zecora had control over these beasts as Fluttershy's messenger.

"But why? They're so cute now! They can't hurt a mouse! It's not like they'll step on her house."

"They already did! Please they're scaring her!"

Zecora, while confused, complied. "Shoo shoo Ursas. Go play somewhere else."

And the glowing teddy bear size star creatures scampered off.

"ARE--- are they gone?" Trixie asked looking around timidly before getting her composure back. "I-I mean! The One and Only Trixie was...was only..."

"Being scared to pieces?" AJ said honestly.

"You-shut-up!" Trixie snapped.

"Trixie!" Twilight snapped. "There is nothing wrong with admitting you're scared! It's part of you! Don't take it out on Applejack!"

Trixie huffed. But Rarity did note that Trixie's legs were all shaking. And they kept shaking.

Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash all did notice one thing. None of them were laughing. Seeing the arrogant self serving liar who had humiliated them all shrink in terror from such (now) harmless beasts didn't feel funny for some reason.

Pinkie Pie slipped in besides Trixie for the rest of the march. Twilight overheard Pinkie whispering a gentle rendition of 'Giggle At the Ghosties.' Pinkie Pie gently nuzzled Trixie as they marched, Trixie did her absolute hardest not to outwardly react, but she did stop shaking.

Twilight let Pinkie do what she did best.

'Can't I go five minutes without dragging these ponies down?' Trixie thought. 'And why do none of them act superior about it? And none of them, seem to MIND! It's like they're HAPPY to help me when I drag down, but they don't rub my muzzle in it after. I can...I can trust them to be there to hold me up if I trip?' And Trixie again felt that strange emotion she had felt at Pinkie Pie's 'surprise party.' And why did images of her family flash through her mind as she felt it?

The mist and golden yellow trees finally gave way to a clearing that gave way to a sheer cliff. Beyond the cliff was an 'island' of land that faced nothing but sheer cliff on all sides. The two were connected by a beautiful bridge made out of roots covered in yellow, pink and blue flowers looking like it had GROWN into place.

On the island itself was the familiar castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, except now all the lost stone and mortar had either been pushed back into place, or had been replaced by more giant tree roots. The engraving of the sun and the moon had all been replaced by engravings of a butterfly. The stain glass windows had all been repaired, but now showed vague images of a yellow pegasi in various scenes, but at this distance they had no clue what.

This held their awe for several several seconds until they noticed a series of small houses and buildings were made with 'cute' in mind, clearly being made to 'scream innocence and happiness.' It looked like a microcosm town, but many of the buildings looked only half done or only had the foundations complete.

"Wow. Generation three. This brings back memories," Pinkie Pie said.

"What is this?" Twilight found herself asking Zecora.

"This is Princess Gaia's personal amusement center and planned community. Great sense of unity. But it's still under construction. But everything is going according to instruction."

'About time something was,' Twilight thought.

"What are THOSE!?" Rainbow Dash pointed, the sensory overload finally abating enough that they noticed the shapes moving about. They looked like ponies, but the body shapes were totally wrong, and they were clearly made out of polished painted wood.

"Wow! It really is generation three! StarSong, Toola-Roola, I miss you guys." Pinkie Pie said with a strange nostalgic, almost sad tone in her voice.

"Oh those are Princess Gala's dolls! Aren't they cute?! And they're really nice to boot!"

"Hey gals! Scootaloo will show us games to play! " Pinkie Pie jingled seeing a puppet that resembled the pegasus but with a cutie mark and playing hop-scotch.

Rainbow Dash couldn't help herself, she laughed. The sight of the puppet made in Scoots image acting so out of character was too much!

"Oh look! Rainbow Dash always dresses in style! " Pinkie Pie pointed happily at a puppet that vaguely resembled Rainbow Dash dressed in trendy clothes.

Rainbow Dash stopped laugh and Rarity burst out laughing. "I must say this is an improvement for you dear!"

'If this wasn't Fluttershy, I'd hoof her in the face for this.' RD thought.

"I must say that while the design is technically sound there is clearly no enough effort put into making them unique." Rarity said taking a critical eye at the incomplete giant playset.

Applejack said, "Okay, this here is the most plum crazy, and just plain -wrong- thing I've seen all day!"

Zecora smiled, "It grows on you if you give it a chance. You should see them dance."

Trixie said in as elegant a voice as possible. "The One and Only Trixie would just like to say that she is not allergic to trying new things. But, WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS NONSENSE!"

Everyone but Pinkie Pie nodded at once. Pinkie Pie reluctantly nodded a few seconds later however.

"Oh alright, too bad, I'd hoped to hear a story from Cheerilee."

"And a beautiful Starsong melody." Pinkie Pie sighed. 'Fluttershy. Is that the kind of world you're hoping to see? No worlds that need saving. No monsters ready to eat ponies every five minutes? No newest avatar of the 'Night That Never Ends?' always on the horizon? Can't say I blame you.'

AJ said, "Pinkie Pie, Ah know the honest truth in yer eyes that you're just feelin' nostalgic. But hun, you're seriously freakin' everypony else out!"

"Sorry," Pinkie Pie apologized rather than respond with an inane question.

"Let's just get out through here before I start wrecking Fluttershy's doll houses," RD said.

The ponies trotted through the collection of half finished buildings.

They were hit by another surprise (Twilight wondered how she had avoided having a heart attack from all this). A brownish pony with a gold mane and a grindstone cutie mark directing the actions of some of the puppets. Around his neck was a platinum butterfly pendant.

"Keep up the good work Gladstone," Zecora said happily.

The pony screamed in surprise, jumped two feet in the air, and landed turning around and bowing several times. "Don't scare me like that Little Lady Zecora! I'll be sure to of course! It is an honor to serve Princess Gaia!" He didn't have the swirl eyes.

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you, it's not like I said 'boo.'"

"Hey are you okay?" AJ asked, there was something familiar about this pony, like she had seen him, just once, almost in passing, he made her think of Applebloom for some reason. But her eyes were drawn to the cutie mark, as if something was -wrong- with it somehow.

"Oh yes yes I'm fine! I'm happy to serve Princess Gaia!" The pony said happily. But looking Applejack in the eyes his eyes turned to pin pricks and his grin became so wide it looked painful.

"Where are you from?" Twilight asked worried how far Fluttershy's fog had spread.

"J-just Sunnytown, we-we don't get out much." Gladstone wanted so badly to look away from the orange pony but her eyes were like a vice grip.

"Sunnytown? I can't say I've heard of it." Rarity said.

"W-W-We're kind of a gated community. We get left off of most maps. We're all happy to serve Princess Gaia."

"All of you?"

"O-o-our entire community has volunteered in helping renovate the castle for her. It's no trouble. It's an honor to help her Kindnesty fix up her new home."

Zecora just kept smiling knowingly but saying nothing at first. But seeing Gladstone's reaction her eyes turned to concern and looked almost darkly at Applejack.

AJ -swore- she had heard that town name before. She looked deeper in the stallion's eyes. At once he broke down into a cold sweat. In AJ's eyes, his image began to waver, like what she was seeing was picture super imposed on top of another.

"No please! Don't look at me! Those eyes! Don't look at me!" Gladstone fell to his knees and covered his eyes. Images flashed through his mind. A little gray pony with orange blond mane who helped him find his keys once, telling her what a clever filly she was, saying how proud of her he was. The consensus of the only way to stop the curse from spreading. "Please just stop!" He begged.

Zecora came between the ponies and Gladstone and gently nuzzled him. Doubts vanished, regrets vanished, memories vanished, of course, he'd do nothing to harm Ruby, what an absurd nightmare, after all she was his--where was she? Off finding odd trinkets again likely, what a silly filly. He went back to his work not looking at the newcomers.

"APPLEJACK! What did you do to 'em?" Rainbow Dash declared. The other took a step back too.

Applejack broke her gaze and looked at her friend.

"Oh don't worry about him. These ponies have had little to no contact with outsiders that they get scared of almost anything outside their experiences. And you're right, Princess Gaia is waiting we shouldn't keep her waiting." Little Zecora said ever so hastily and keeping her eye on AJ.

Rarity was happy to be finally able to see Fluttershy. Twilight knew the quest came first but intended to ask a lot of questions later. Trixie just wanted out of the construction site, something about felt out of place to her, or maybe she was the thing out of place. Pinkie said absolutely nothing. There were some things even she didn't want to share. AJ continued to search her memories. Rainbow Dash was just bucking happy to be OUT of Creepyville Version Two Point Oh!

+++

The fog spread like a lumbering beast across the landscape, every living thing in it's path becoming docile and compliant. The animals in Fluttershy's cottage stopped barking, chirping, or clucking, being lost in their ideal dream worlds, such as they were. Angel saw the fog coming, decided on the better part of valor and ran for it as fast as his four bunny feet would carry him! He wasn't quite fast enough.

Big Mac and Granny Smith on Sweet Apple Acres had no reason to fear mist, figuring the pegasi had suffered a paper work error. The fog swept over them. They heard her singing. Their eyes became ever expanding rings of color and they smiled, dropping what they were doing, oblivious to all around them.

Some time later the fog entered Ponyville proper, just ahead of it was a small red earth pony colt and a green filly with bright blond hair both grinning ear to ear. Their apple and apple-pie cutie marks looked like crayon drawings. The green filly skipped hoped and danced ahead. Again, nopony panicked or fled at the sight of simple fog or a couple of foals that they didn't recognize at first glance.

Dr. Whooves took one sniff of the fog, and instantly fell asleep on his hooves drooling. The green and red foals stopped to doodle on his face and stuck an apple in his mouth.

Five minutes later a foal with an crayon hourglass cutie mark was hoping about the fog happily. "I feel nine hundred years younger! Infinite Rice Pudding to Mama Princess Gaia! And infinite chocolate too in case she doesn't like rice pudding!"
-
The fog swept over the Ponyville Spa, the twins Aloe and Lotus stopped their inventory taking and budget balancing, dropping the clip boards to the floor. A few minutes later a pink and a blue filly were having a splash war in the spa's most expensive hot tub.
-
When the fog took Sugarcube Corner, a cutting knife fell from ms Cake's mouth and nearly cut her leg as it hit the floor and Mr. Cake nearly burned the house down from the cupcakes he had been about to put in and would have forgotten about. Forgetting about having a foster child or even a business, a colt and filly were soon busy stuffing their faces with the confections around them.
-
After the fog entered Carrot Top's bedroom, a young filly began dying her mane every color of the rainbow thinking about how pretty it looked, not caring what others thought. A new healthy filly who was her little sister (now fraternal twin) joined in on the fun.
-
Lyra and Bon-Bon were talking in front of their favorite cafe, and were confused at the bunch of foals walking in front of the fog, and wondered what was up with all the yellow and pink birds with blue eyes. Not to mention the similarly colored bunnies that were now hoping around as well. They heard the song as their thoughts and concerns melted like snow on a summer day. And side by side the two fillies joined the march deciding to sing along with the voice.
-
The pink pony Lily DID see this, and her low shock threshold caught up with her again as she fainted. Roseluck and Daisy stopped to pick her up, heard the song, and began to carry her into the fog instead of away from it. Three fillies emerged a couple minutes later with crayon drawing versions of their cutie marks. All smiling, all with those discorded eyes.
-
Berry Punch was in her home waiting for the time to pick up her foal from school with a bottle as her companion again. No matter what anyone else thought, no matter how much she loved her fine wines and hard liquors she still loved her daughter more. Then she heard the song and the fog enveloped her as it came in through her windows. The filly smiled the contents of the bottle. "BLEGH! This stinks!" She made a face and poured the contents down the drain and began to do the same with every bottle in the house, including the secret special one she had hidden under the floor boards in a locked box for when her filly became a mare and found a stallion.
-
The blue unicorn Pokey Pierce ran as fast as his hooves could carry him away from the fog. He had finally recovered mentally to where the doctors said the best treatment was for him to go back to his job today too. "No! Leave me alone! This is sick and wrong!"
He was tackled by the birds above, the bunnies below and the foals from the side, being dragged kicking and screaming into the fog. A minute later a colt just old enough to be out of diapers sucked his hoof as he stumbled after the rest occasionally glancing at his crayon colored cutie mark.
-
For Nurse Redheart it was simple. She wouldn't abandon her patients, even to the end. She had just sat back after Discord had tainted her, watching the ponies around her hurt, wondering what they had ever possibly done for her in exchange proving that even without unicorn magic she was a proper doctor.

She wouldn't reenact that betray of herself. She merely kept the patients who couldn't risk being moved comfortable. A minute after the fog swept over her, the previously sickly or seriously injured ponies began jumping up and down on their beds, the foals giggling up a storm. Little Redheart joined them, laughing happily.
-
A young yellow Pegasus with mane to match looked outside seeing the fog with green eyes. His cutie mark was a set of three triangles and even he wasn't sure what they meant. He had once even petitioned Princess Celestia herself wondering what it meant. He hadn't expected a reply but he always felt comfortable around princesses for some reason. The reply he got was a strange one, the letter simply said he had done enough, he had done his duty towards fate and now he was free to enjoy a life of peace no longer burdened by the weight of the world. The young yellow pegasus had no idea what the letter was talking about. But seeing what the fog was doing, the young Pegasus flew away towards Cloudsdale to warn his fellow Pegasi, somehow able to tune out the song of the birds.
-
The fog tried to follow a young colt who had the bad luck of countless bizarre happenstances keeping him from hearing the song that would grant him happiness. But as soon as the colt had run into his house along with his parents, blue and black spiders had suddenly come out of nowhere and formed a web over every window and door, made so swiftly but so painstakingly well put together that the fog could not push through. The bunnies and birds who-were-part-of-the-same-thing-as-the-fog tried to remove the webbing, but blue and black beetles, centipedes, earwigs, and other arthropods rose out of the ground and swarmed over the yellow and pink bunnies with blue eyes keeping them from getting close. Blue and black bats, -in the middle of the day- attacked the yellow and pink birds with blue eyes and promptly began to roost there to keep away any other intruders.

Normally Pip's parents would be terrified of the creatures of the night surrounding their house, but considering they were seeing the fog turn ponies into brainwashed foals, they simply thanked their lucky stars for the strangeness in their favor.

~~~

"Who ordered fog?"

"Likely some jerk-pony who thinks a mental hospital is no good unless it looks creepy."

The Ponyville mental ward had not only the regular psychologist ponies, but the ones commissioned and commanded by Princess Celestia herself to see to the mental and emotional recovery of those tainted by Discord as well. The place naturally existed outside of Ponyville's regular boarders. But the mist came all the same.

The burley attendants and the doctors were confused when the fog came in with a force all of it's own into the mental ward, but then everything was alright, everything was fine.

Everything would be fine. The fog slipped under the locked doors of the patient's rooms. And...they simply continued to laugh at nothing, wet themselves, draw meaningless patterns on their room walls, and talk to ponies only they could see. That which the fog was part of was very confused and concerned. What had Twilight said before about using magic to cure mad ponies? Couldn't remember, oh well.

It dove deeper, and deeper, and deeper! The mad ponies' bodies began to move almost like puppets but their eyes remained tainted by madness. That which the fog was an extension of was not happy. It would not allow this. The mad ponies then began screaming in torment as their brains felt like they were on fire. The screaming didn't stop for several minutes, and the doctors and bouncers merely stood there with their legs locked. Finally the fog retracted from the patients' rooms, and the pain for the poor mad ponies stopped, they shuddered on the floors of their rooms. That which the fog obeyed would have to try again later to help these poor ponies. It would not abandon or give up on them.

Screwball hung from the ceiling of her room spider-climb style (too bad the doctors didn't fall for it anymore). Hearing the agony from her fellow guests she knew she had made the right decision. The mist was creepy anyway.

Meanwhile in another room, a pink pegasus pony stopped giggling and blinked in confusion. She felt dizzy. What was going on? Where was she? This wasn't her room. It didn't even look like Cloudsdale. Whose singing had that been just now? "Hello?" She called out in a slightly scared tone. Why did the window have bars on it? Something didn't feel right. She looked behind herself and screamed in horror. "MY WINGS! MY WINGS! CELESTIA MY WINGS!" Seeing the chewed off stumps where her wings were supposed to be the pink pegasus pony screamed until her throat felt raw. She then tried to get out but found the door locked and began pounding on it. "HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! MY WINGS! CELESTIA PLEASE MY WINGS!"

A small hole opened in the door and the pink pegasus begged to be let out at the white pegasus on the other side. She eventually slid against the side of the door sobbing. The door eventually opened and she was carried out.

~~~

Ditzy now had Dinky in her forehooves, standing on top of a table, the fog covering the floor. The birds and bunnies were at the doors and windows now just looking at the pair. The geassed Dinky struggled weakly against her mother's grasp wanting so badly to answer the call of the place of dreams she needed to be.

The fog rose.

"Ditzy don't be so stubborn. Don't you want Dinky to be happy? You get to join her now. Sorry for trying to force you apart before, that was very cruel of me, I hope you can forgive me. I understand if you won't."

"Fluttershy?" Ditzy kept a straight and stern face at the horde surrounding her from all directions.

"I know what it's like to have your babies stolen from you now. And I see now that's wrong. I was a bad pony. But wouldn't you want to be part of a world where the two of you can be together forever? Where no one calls you names, where you fit in, where everyone accepts you, a world where you can see and speak normal, like you've always wanted. Why reject a world like that Ditzy? A world where you can both be happy and together? How is that a bad thing?

Ditzy folded her wings around Dinky.

"I'm really sorry for before, I really am, and I understand if you hate me, but as one mommy to another, isn't it happiness as long as you're together? Just listen to my voice, listen to my song, don't worry, don't think, just feel along with mommy, feel mommy's kindness..."

Ditzy rammed a the tip of the mop she had used into the beak of one of the birds. "No!...Wanna protect my muffin!"

"You really do love her don't you?"

"More than anything."

"You really want to protect her."

"More than anything."

"You'd do anything to protect her."

"Anything."

The fog twisted and condensed. It took the shape of a mare's head. Ditzy nearly dropped Dinky.
Ditzy beheld the face of the most kind and majestic pony in the world. Her eyes shown with more compassion than Ditzy would think possible, her face could not be more devoid of malice.

"Look around you Ditzy, look outside. What if you could protect more than just your daughter? What if you could protect all of Ponyville? Foals need a guardian, they need a care taker, but they also need a protector. And Ponyville is being given back it's innocence that big dumb meanie stole from us. What if you could do more than just protect Dinky? What if you could protect all of them?"

Ditzy was left speechless. Her wings quivered but not from anger. "Blue, Eyes, Rat Is, Mime, Really."

"OH! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to overwhelm you..." The face vanished back into the fog it was made of. "But what I'm saying is honest. You have a desire to protect like no one else Ditzy. It's a gift to be shared. And Ponyville is going to need protectors like you for its foals, like everywhere will need protectors. You want to protect others don't you Ditzy?"

Ditzy sighed. "Yes."

The birds and bunnies all withdrew from the house, as did the fog. The discorded look in Dinky's eyes remained but she stopped struggling.

"When you're ready, you can come out into the fog, accept my kiss, and join me as my Knight."

Ditzy hugged Dinky all the tighter now. She felt so confused! More confused than she felt in years! She knew she understood things differently from most ponies, and that when she spoke other ponies didn't hear what she was trying to say! Everypony thought she couldn't think right because of that! But if she could be more? The front door shined like a doorway out of the darkness and into the fog.

Ditzy made her choice.

~~~

By this time everypony was seeing what the fog was doing, and saw the familiar entranced eyes of the foals. Mayor Mare tried to organize an evacuation, but the fog began to close them off from all sides. The fog closed in around them like a dome and dove down right on top of the mayor's office. Her collar and necktie now hanging loosely around her neck, the little filly with tan hide and now magenta mane hopped skipped and jumped out of her building. In a high pitched voice she shouted, "Everypony! Let's all hear it for her Kindnesty Princess Gaia!"

The horde of foals all cheered in response.

"What is all that noise outside?" Spike said annoyed as he opened the door and the fog came flooding in like water from a damn obscuring everything. "Fluttershy? Is that you singing? I..." The fog cleared slowly showing Spike with Discorded eyes smiling at nothing. "Rarity?! You will?! I'm the happiest dragon alive!"

Owlowiscious meanwhile hooted happily at Twilight noticing again he existed when her friends were over in the evening.
-
Sarah Tailin' better known by her nickname 'Raven' galloped like a mad pony.

The laughter was all around her now, nothing but foals everywhere! Even her beloved Mayor Mare who she served without question was now a servant of the fog!

Foals everywhere, the fog everything. Pink and yellow birds every windowsill and tree branch, pink and yellow rabbits around every corner, and looking right at her with bright blue eyes!

"Celestia save me!" She yelled. She tried to gallop straight out of Ponyville to Canterlot, but kept getting lost in the fog, and the foals were all there waiting for her smiling with those swirl color ringed eyes.

"Sarah! Come play at once!" Said a little foal with a crayon drawing of the mayor's cutie mark on her flanks in a official sounding tone that sounded completely silly coming out of the foal's mouth.

"NO!" Raven screamed and turned around and ran again. This time she ran inside her own home. Locked the doors and window and stuffed the edges with cloth and ran up to her room, locked the door and hid under her bed!

She covered her head and curled into a ball with her tail between her legs.

'I'll just stay here until the bearers save Ponyville, I'll just stay here until the bearers save Ponyville, I'll just stay here until the bearers save Ponyville.'

She hadn't felt this terrified since Nightmare Moon, er, Princess Luna had visited Ponyville on Nightmare Night!

"Shush," said a soft quite voice from nowhere. "Don't be afraid. Everything is going to be okay."

"Whose there-?!"

"No one who is going to hurt you. I'm here to help you. You need rescue? You want to escape?"

"Yes! Save me!"

"Escape from what though?"

"Escape from the little zombies that used to be my Mayor and friends!"

"But is that all you need escape from? Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"You say yes, but your heart says something else. Don't you want to escape the stress of always living up to other's expectations of you? Don't you want to escape the sadness of always helping run Ponyville but barely getting a thank you? Don't you want to escape the pain of how Discord hurt you?"

The horrible image flashed through her mind, her fur faded, her eyes spirals, laughing as she tore up her own office and the mayor's office and reveling in the confusion and discord she was making, the lies in her mind telling her order and neatness was too hard to maintain so might as well go to the opposite extreme.

"I...that is...."

"Do you or don't you?"

"...yes."

"Do you wish to be all alone? Do you wish to grow old and die? Do you wish to be unhappy? Do you wish fate to be cruel?"

"NO!"

"You want to be free of all your pains and worries? Do you wish to be happy? Do you wish to smile? To live? To be happy? To be alive?"

"Yes!"

"Then just listen to mommy."

"Yes...mom-my..."

Come to my place

filled with so many wonders
Casting its spell
That you are now under

Hear my voice in the breeze
Come to me and be next to mommy
Your happiness flying free
and your mind melts into honey
My Loovieeeees!

Oooh, what a enchanting place
and those regretful memories it'll erase

My grounds your regrets and loss from you it'll cleave
Hidden from sun and lunar, and you'll never leave

Yes, you will forget everythiiiiiiiiiing!


A little filly with glasses too big for her came out of the house. She couldn't even remember why she had been so worried before! How could what was happening be possibly bad-?! She had been such a silly pony!

"Hey Mary Mare!" She waved at her best friend who was waiting outside for her with the others.

"Hey Ravey!" Mary Mare then gave Ravey a noogie.

"Hey-hey! Uncle Uncle!" Ravey laughed.

"Gotcha! That was for being such a fraidy cat!" Mary Mare laughed.

"I'm sorry." Ravey said but smiling. They hugged then did their special handshake they invented on the spot.

Mary Mare then looked at everyone. "By order her super-duper Kindnesty Princess Gaia! I declare today and every day play day!"

The color circle eyed foals all cheered. "We're free!"

+++

The castle interior was a work in progress. Rubble and junk had been cleared away and living wood filled in the holes in the walls and floors. But most of the stones still needed polishing and anything metallic needed de-rusting. It was also lacking in pieces of art and other royal nicknacks.

It was disorienting for five of the ponies to see the dilapidated castle from their first adventure now undergoing major renovations. And number six had no appreciation for the history she was walking through.

There was an impressive collection of beautiful flowers, but Rarity felt the interior flower arranger should have been sent to the moon. Too many bright colors, not enough contrast.

It took all of RD's will power and more maturity then she thought she had to keep herself from smashing down the falls screaming Fluttershy's name.

Twilight kept her senses about her, wondering if they were marching into the dragon's jaws, but they had to risk it.

AJ felt relaxed at how open and inviting and plain the place looked. Not the type an egomaniac would hang out in.

Pinkie Diane didn't like how this looked like Fluttershy's tastes.

Immediately after entering the castle proper, the heroes and their guide ran into another pony polishing the stones. The moment she saw them she dropped what she was doing and bowed politely.

"Hello and welcome to Castle Gaia! Welcome home Little Lady Zecora!" The green pony was in a standard maid's uniform with a platinum butterfly necklace around her neck. Her cutie mark was a three leaf clover. AJ felt like there was something off about it the more she looked at it.

She didn't have discorded eyes, just like Gladstone and Zecora.

"These are Princess Gaia's dearest friends Threeleaf! They need some help in their beliefs. Is our Kindnesty holding court? Er, or this meeting should we abort?"

"Oh her Kindnesty is awaiting guests! She'll be happy to see you." Threeleaf shook each of their hooves in greetings. Her forehoof was like ice.

She actually made a small yelp when she looked AJ in the eyes and crunched her own eyes closed. Fear and despair screaming across her body language. She covered her eyes with her forelegs and cowered before her.

Images flashed in Threeleaf's mind: Ruby finding Threeleaf's lost garden tools, telling Ruby what a nice filly she was, telling her how helpful Ruby always was to everypony.

Threeleaf looking at her precious garden and thinking how she could make it better but hesitated and simply let it be: having heard Grayhoof and Gladstone whispering how the curse struck those who did more than they needed to.

That the curse had claimed Ruby, being told Ruby needed to be-


And smooth safe memories of always having served her Kindnesty at Gaia Castle her entire life with the rest of her community washed over her.

She welcomed and embrace them like a lover. Where was Ruby? Oh probably just wandered off again. What a curiosity driven but wonderful filly she was.

Blocking AJ from her view Zecora said, "Why don't you go take your break Threeleaf? You could use some relief."

"Yes Little Lady Zecora." Threeleaf bowed, not looking at AJ and called in a sing song voice, "Oooh Miiittaaa! Please come take over for me!" And like typical hired help she didn't wait to see if her replacement showed up before trotting out of the hallway.

Twilight looked at her friend, "Applejack, what happened?"

"Ah dunno. There was just something -wrong- about her. Like Ah wasn't really seein' -her-."

Pinkie Pie just said lowly, "I hope all these crossovers and tributes don't end up alienating the readers. We need as much exposure as we can get."

Before anyone could ask what she meant another pony came in, this one a pinkish gray filly with no cutie mark and barely wavey dark red hair. She was wearing a cute little maid's uniform. She trotted in slowly, she was almost dragging her hooves. Her red eyes just looked at the floor.

"Mitta! Don't be rude! Saw hello to our guests! So better your mood!"

"Yes...small lady Zecora."

"Hey are you okay?" Pinkie Diane asked.

"No concern of yours." She said suddenly defensive but not cowering.

"Hey, I'm just being nice, you look like a little filly who could use a whole bunch of laughs and I'm good at laughs."

"I don't deserve to laugh, not after what I let- what I let-...I can't remember what I did. Where's Ruby?" Mitta asked sounding more passive but less negative than before.

"Just relax Mitta." Zecora said saying to the filly. "Ruby's just off playing. Right now escort our guests to the throne room. They are her Kindesty's best friends so treat them with absolute respect."

"Yes Little Lady Zecora." Mitta just bowed her head. The ponies all looked at each other deeply in concern.

Only the promise of Fluttershy kept RD from demanding answers and kicking flank then and there. Rarity's own self control was on it's edge.

Zecora then bowed and left the way she came. Mitta bowed her head again and said, "Please follow me."

As AJ looked at the filly's blank flank, everything clicked, and she remembered.

AJ trotted close to her and whispered. "Ah know who and what ya are."

Mitta looked into Applejack's eyes and she wasn't afraid, no, Mitta was afraid, but Mitta refused to look away, even as her eyes widened and real painful memories came cutting through the sweet lies. The spikes and needles underneath the frosting and pillows.

Applejack realized where she had seen Mitta's look before: in the Truth's reflection when AJ had refused to look away from it. The filly blinked away tears. "How?"

AJ began to see something beneath the image, something in the shape of a pony but broken, hollow, unnatural. But also a filly who had been in pain for so long.

"Mah little sister Applebloom, you helped her. Ya don't need ta torture yourself over this no more. Just let go. It's what Ruby wants."

Finally Mitta did turn away from AJ's eyes. "She needs to let go. There is no redemption for ponies like me."

"That's a pack of lies filly, cause there ain't no such thing as 'no redemption' if yer willin' to accept it!"

"I don't deserve to accept it."

"Since when has deservin' had anything to do with forgivin'? And what happened wasn't yer fault! Ya couldn't have changed it!"

Mitta instead said, "Welcome to her Kindnesty's chambers." Mitta pushed the door open with her head and trotted away the way she had come with her head facing the floor.

"AJ what was all that about-?!" RD asked.

"...Something we ain't got time to deal with right now Sugah cube. That filly's waited a long time to be helped, and she won't get worse, we don't know what states Fluttershy's in. And that's the honest truth."

And AJ trotted in and the other had no choice but to follow.

The first thing they noticed was the room was full of things from Fluttershy's cottage, including her pets' bird houses and cages, and her tea table, tea set and favorite rug. Second was that the room was huge. Gigantic. Big enough for Sugarcube Corner to fit inside.

There was also a gray barked and black leafed stallion shaped potted tree in the corner. A birthday cake mark where it's flanks would be if it were a pony.

But all these details were FORGOTTEN when they saw an pale gold adult Alicorn with cape-long sparkling pink mane and tail and eyes bluer than the sky. And three blue winged butterflies with pink bodies for a cutie mark.

There was a small animal in her lap. A stallion and mare flanked her, combing, brushing and otherwise pampering her. The pampering reminded Rarity of her spa visits with Fluttershy.

The couple both had half a heart as their cutie mark, the stallion had a key with a ruby on it over his half-heart, and the mare had a golden lock over hers.

Around each of their necks was a platinum butterfly pendant and necklace.

The alicorn lazily glanced at the sound of hooves trotting her throne room and gasped and blushed.

"OH! GIRLS! You're here! Uh! Just hold on a sec'!"

RD, Pinkie and Rarity's blood turned to water hearing that polite if slightly startled voice.

Princess Gaia looked at her two servants. "Roneo, Starlet, you may go, er, if you wish."

The couple made dust trails as they left the the royal camber together.

Twilight finally recognized this as the room Nightmare Moon had taken her for their final battle. She felt a tiny bit queasy realizing this.

As the alicorn stood up the heroes recognize her pet at last.
It was the manticore, now with flat teeth, the size of a house cat, and looking as threatening and mighty as a plush toy. The golden yellow Alicorn petted it and it happily flew off through a window.

She trotted down to her friends from her platform. She moved like petals in the wind. Her form shone like amber. Her feathery wings fluttered like a dream. Her face smiled like a saint.

AJ just keep looking at her eyes...so honest, so truthful, so pure, not a hint of deceit or deception or falsehood in them.

'So beautiful,' Rarity thought. 'I really love her mane.'

'So happy,' Pinkie Pie thought.

'So enchanting,' Trixie thought.

"Uh...hey guys I mean um, WELCOME TO MY ROYAL CASTLE MY LOYAL FRIENDS!! Er, I hope you like what I've done with the place. I know I don't have much experience with interior decorating but I hope it's not that bad."

'I see she's got the Royal Canterlot Voice down.' Twilight thought distantly looking at her purity and beauty as beautiful as a field of flowers or a waterfall.

"F-Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash gasped out not able to look away from her perfection.

"It is Princess Gaia now. But, um, you may call me Fluttershy...if you really want to, that is, if it's okay with you. Come on!"

Swarms of butterflies entered the camber from all directions forming chairs and pillows and carrying cookies and hot tea. "We have a lot to catch up on! Sorry for not coming personally! I've had a lot to do! Let's have tea!" She said musically and happily.

The ponies automatically smiled and nodded as one and happily sat down pleasantly with their Princess.

+++

"And there we go! That's the end of this chapter! But don't worry my little foals! Next chapter all my friends will understand and we'll save Equestria together! Then the whole world! It's gonna be so great for all of us! Everyone's going to love it! I know you will my little foals."
"Hello dears. My little foal Alex is busy enjoying his dreams right now. Here is the next chapter of the Reharmonization Pony POV series! Here is the previous chapter my little foals! Titled Teacher Teacher!" [link]

And here's the next chapter where we have lots of fun!
[link]

"And here is the very first chapter of this series! Staring me and Fluttercruel Together!" [link]



"This series is about us dealing with the hurt that big dumb meanie did to us all during the Return of Harmony. But it's fine now, because I can finally make every better and everyone can be finally happy again! It feel so great! Twilight was right I just did need to be a little more assertive! This chapter is all about my friends seeing all the improvements I've made to Everfree Forest and everypony in Ponyville being helped too!"

"And here's some lovely art by my little foal Firedrake368, showing everyone enjoying my fog. Except poor Applejack, I'll have to do something about that for her." [link]

[link] "And here a nice picture of me and Fluttercruel! Where is she anyway? Oh well."

"And here's some fanfiction dealing with poor Gilda if Discord chose to be mean to her too! I'll be sure to help the Griffons too! It would be selfish for me to do this only for ponies!"
[link]

"And one of AJ fighting my new friends when they were all confused in another universe. And one of Ditzy doing the right thing for the wrong reasons, poor Ditzy, hopefully she'll see the light."
[link] [link]

"And a song about a very mean . . . something singing to Trixie. Not sure why'd you want to read it, but you can if you want since it's a nice song even if it's mean." [link]


"And here is our TV Tropes page, whatever that is." [link]


"Theme for Everkind Forest is 'Littlest Elf' from Series of Unfortunate Events, such a sad story." [link]

"Foot-Zebra Zecora Lemina's theme from Lunar 2 Eternal Blue Sega Saturn! Such a happy song!"
[link]

"Spread of the fog is Shinra from Final Fantasy Seven. But I don't think it fits. Such a unhappy song for such a nice thing."
[link]

"Now just listen to my song my little foals, let all your doubts and fears just wash away, leaving only your happiness and joy behind in mama's world."


EDIT: DAMN! I'm starting to think I royally screwed up this chapter in some major ways. Any suggestions on revisions for this chapter to make it less lousy are welcome!

EDIT: Edited in Carrot Top's little sister.

EDIT: Sunnytown's ponies are from the epic work story of the blanks. Found here, [link] And here, [link]

Edits by Santafer [link]

Update 2012 June 5th

Edits by DracoDei

Music suggestions by Guilrel

"I kind of agree with Fluttershy that Shinra's music didn't really fit well, but I do believe that either these three songs might fit.
Somewhat uplifting or determination music. FF Crystal Chronicles Music - When the Northern Skies are Clear
[link]

Peaceful sounding music
FF Crystal Chronicles Music - Don't Want to Forget
[link]

This one directly deals with the fog, but it fits how the other ponies see the fog: (Although I don't think she wouldn't like this song as much either ^^; )

Legend of Legaia Extra Tracks - A Town Enveloped by Mist
[link]"
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At the beginning the remaining heroes are still rushing after Rainbow Dash. Thanks to Twilight’s, Trixie’s and Rarity’s combined efforts they are able to keep the fog at bay. Twilight is somewhat unnerved by the fact that this unnatural fog is seemingly immune against the sun itself. They find the Pegasus soon and nothing did happen to her, but the Everfree Forest is a different story. The bearers wonder if they are trapped in another illusion but Applejack is sure that this is reality. By now everyone knows of her new ability and she starts to get worried that this might not be the final form of this gift. It did only develop over time and eventually become powerful enough to resist Princess Gaia’s illusions. But the pragmatic pony is already thinking about finding a way to cover her eyes with contact lenses, if they would ever become a danger to those around her. She is still determined to face the Truth. Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Trixie and Twilight all scold Rainbow Dash for her reckless behaviour while showing their concern, but the Pegasus did have a reason. She was afraid that without the Elements even Celestia would have no other option than banishing Fluttershy to the moon. Twilight is hurt by the assumption that the Sun Goddess would send any problem to the moon. What did stop Rainbow was the shock in seeing how bright and colorful Everfree had become. Pinkie Pie points out that they are all brightly colored talking magical ponies but this irony completely escapes the Pegasus. Not only is the entire place painfully cute but also any form of danger or competition is removed. All smiling trees have enough space, all plants have enough sunlight and magical trees grow fruits and gems so that nobody (including dragons) will ever hunger again. And while this all violates so many rules of magic and nature, it is still very different from the Chaos Discord produced. There is order and a theme clearly visible, something the personification of Chaos completely lacked. Now Pinkie Pie remembers talking with Fluttercruel (she did think it was Fluttershy) about how much of Discord’s chocolate rain she did swallow and the cruel half hit her with a mallet for actually drinking so much of this stuff and told her to try explosives next. Rainbow knows her good enough to ask how the blasting cap tasted. At this point the pink pony was so busy with her own insane never-ending party that she didn’t realize how strange Fluttershy’s behaviour was. But now she regrets not seeing the signs that something was wrong with her friend.

Then happy music plays and the trees move aside to allow Zecora to reach them. She has changed to put it politely. She did become a ridiculous cute foal, her grey hide is now brightly colored (I guess Princess Gaia didn’t like grey anymore after Discord happened or maybe she is doing this to allow the zebra to better fit in), her rhymes aren’t nearly as good as they were when she was older and her Cutie Mark looks like a children drawing. Overall this is the complete antitheses to the wise zebra the heroes knew. And the addition of colors makes it hard to even recognize her as a zebra anymore. The foal lacks the mind control eyes Cheerilee had and acts friendly and polite. Similar to Cheerilee’s platinum amour, Zecora has a platinum butterfly necklace. All heroes are thorn apart between finding the foal adorable or horrifying, all but Pinkie Pie who simply has to hug her. She finds little Zecora absolutely adorable and likes even her bad rhymes. The showpony is slightly annoyed that such flaws in a performance can get sympathy. In the end the others have to order the pink pony to release the foal. Finally she can officially welcome them to the new and improved Everkind Forest. Rarity then gives her own judgement on Zecora’s new look and points out that while some aspects are done well, they don’t work together and don’t form something greater. Now this is interesting because Fluttershy was always good with the technical details of dresses but lacked the artistic abilities Rarity had, even now as Princess Gaia this can be seen in her creations. Both Zecora and Everkind look like they were designed by someone who did mean really well but wasn’t quite able to create something complete. The zebra is of course unable to complain about her new self and finds it absolutely perfect, not for any specific reason but because Princess Gaia did make it and everything she does is flawless. Now the Princess did invite all of them as the last adults in the world to her palace. The part about being the last adults is obviously a lie as we see later, maybe this deception was meant to let them think that all is already over and it is futile to fight against the new world. Zecora also reveals that Princess Gaia wants to turn everyone back into foals both in body and spirit to ensure eternal happiness. Fluttershy really chose to follow this idea that Fluttercruel clearly found disturbing but her cruel side was too busy with herself to explain why this is so wrong. And while the zebra claims that no memories are stolen, we later learn that this is also a lie and all painful memories or memories connected to pain like medical knowledge are removed as well. Fluttershy also took the painful memories of the interviewers in the last chapter. Pinkie Pie adds that she certainly wasn’t happy as a child and very disturbingly Zecora ensures her that this will be fixed. We also get a nice dose of Paranoia Fuel by the revelation that Princess Gaia can see everything nature sees and since they are in the middle of a forest Fluttershy can see their every move. At only that but all of Equestria, besides the larger cities, is covered in plants and if this is true she can see through all of those too. And all of this did happen in only one day. Rainbow Dash still can’t believe that the fluttering Pegasus is behind any of this but Rarity can see it, she knows Fluttershy better than anybody else. The shy pony always wanted to make others happy in the gentlest way possible. While Fluttershy doesn’t enjoy violence (quite the opposite), she is able to fight if she is backed into a corner. She is always weaker when her friends aren’t there to support her. Without the help of the others Rainbow Dash herself would also have turned into a Nightmare. This entire twisted world still has Fluttershy’s traits all over it. Rainbow Dash still tries to deny it and Twilight wonders if Celestia herself had a similar reaction when she heard about her sister’s fall into madness.

In the end they decide to follow Zecora to Fluttershy’s castle, even if it is likely a trap. And the pragmatic Trixie is right, it is a trap but Twilight isn’t wrong either because this is also a great opportunity to reach Fluttershy herself instead of talking to her knights and representations. The purple unicorn has to fight against her own desire to free the zebra she views as a mentor from this spell and ultimately doesn’t do it because she fears what Princess Gaia might do to them afterwards. She tries to get Zecora to realize that she is being controlled, but just like Cheerilee the zebra is too far gone for arguments to reach her. But not only the plants have changed: Parasprites are now just flying decorations instead of a plague, the cockatrice can’t turn anything to stone with its new eyes, all Poison Joke is removed because Princess Gaia didn’t find practical jokes very funny (this causes Rainbow to admit that it must be Fluttershy), animals don’t need to kill each other or give birth to children, dragons have become completely harmless and are seemingly based of Spike (he wouldn’t like to hear that), wolves now eat grass alongside their former prey and the sea-serpent… is exactly like it was before. Twilight has to tackle the showpony to the ground before she can call down lightning on the friendly dragon. And while Twilight did share various stories about the Everfree Forest with Trixie, now thanks to Fluttershy almost nothing of these facts remained like they were before. It is a nice touch that the sea-serpent still kept Rarity’s tail as a reminder of her generosity. While Princess Gaia didn’t feel the need to alter him, he now has to follow a vegetarian diet and greet all of her allies with the necessary respect. Afterwards Trixie still has trouble to get used to things like this happening but the other bearers have more experience with strange events. They tell her about their first journey through the Everfree Forest and Trixie is amazed how fast the bearers became friends and how each obstacle just made their bounds stronger. And maybe she is right and deep down in her own madness Luna still fought against it and gave the bearers a fair chance to reach the Elements. Then her train of thoughts is interrupted when she sees the changed Ursas and despite their doll size she is absolutely terrified. Twilight immediately acts in her defence and orders Zecora to send them away, nobody of the group laughs at Trixie and Pinkie Pie is soon by her side to sing a variation of “Giggle At the Ghosties” to fight the fears in her heart and it works. The showpony begins to realize that her friends will catch her if she falls and that her own family is also there for her. She begins to trust them.

But now they have reached the heart of this new world: Princess Gaia’s castle. The former castle of the Alicorn sisters is completely renovated and the missing parts are provided by tree roots keeping the entire structure together. All symbols of sun and moon are replaced by butterflies and the stain glass windows show Fluttershy in various poses. But that isn’t everything; she did also begin the construction of a small town around the castle, which Pinkie Pie recognizes from generation 3. There are also moving puppets, with a very different body shape from what these ponies are used to, of this lost generation. Maybe Fluttershy did see this lost age in Pinkie Pie’s memories. Pinkie Pie recognizes them all and at first Rainbow finds this funny, especially the version of Scootaloo. But this quickly changes when she sees her own version in that generation. Rarity’s comment about them all being the same is a lot harsher in hindsight, when it is revealed how this generation ended. The pink pony wonders if the world could ever be as innocent and playful as it was before. Then they run into one of the ponies of the “Story of the Blanks”: Gladstone, now with his own Cutie Mark and a platinum butterfly pendant. Princess Gaia was apparently able to break their curse and now all inhabitants of Sunnytown are working for her to renovate the castle. At first he seems happy, but the longer he looks into Applejack’s eyes the more nervous he becomes and the farmer is reminded of her sister. After all she did see Applebloom’s adventure in Sunnytown in Truth. The zebra doesn’t like this one bit. AJ’s truth vision is seemingly powerful enough to let him remember the sad truth about himself, to let him remember that he agreed to let a child be killed. Zecora comforts him, all the painful memories vanish and he continues his work. Then she lies about him and Sunnytown and all move on to reach Princess Gaia for various reasons.

Meanwhile the fog expands and envelopes other places. It covers Fluttershy’s cottage and even Angel isn’t able to escape. The fog reaches Big Mac and Granny Smith on Sweet Apple Acres and soon they are foals as well. Soon they reach Ponyville and one by one everyone is forced to join it: Dr. Whooves, Aloe and Lotus, Ms. and Mr. Cake, Carrot Top and Orange Top, Lyra and Bon-Bon, Lily, Roseluck and Daisy, Berry Punch, Pokey Pierce, Nurse Redheart and her patients. Only few are able to escape like a young strong-willed yellow Pegasus, let us call him Link, who is able to fly to Cloudsdale to warn the other pegasi and Pipsqueak and his family who are protected by Luna’s creatures against everything the fog can do to reach them. The way the others are corrupted also shows how different the experience is for everyone. Granny Smith is finally able to dance around. Dr. Whooves feels young again. Aloe and Lotus are playing around with the most expensive hot tub. Mr. and Ms. Cake almost get injured and almost burn down their house when their work is interrupted. Carrot Top is able to get beyond her obsession with what others think about her. Lily, Roseluck and Daisy are unable to escape it, because they start to panic. Berry Punch throws all of her alcohol away and in a heartbreaking moment she wastes even the special one that was intended as a present for her daughter’s marriage and she herself despite her addiction never touched. Pokey Pierce fights the fog as long as possible before the constructs and the foals overwhelm him and drag him into it. Nurse Redheart is unable to abandon her suffering patients and soon their physical injuries are healed and they are all happy foals. At the mental ward the sarcastic doctors wonder why all mental institutions are designed to look like Haunted Mansions. Soon the entire personal is turned into foals but as Fluttershy does try the same with the patients, Twilight’s explanation turns out to be true and their suffering minds are not that easily healed. But Princess Gaia is unable to admit that they are beyond her reach and tries to dive deep into their heads, which results in unspeakable pain for the suffering ponies. Only after several minutes does she move back but vows to try it again later. Golden Tiara is able to hide from the mist by climbing the ceiling. But there is at least one patient that turns back to normal from the fogs interference and then has to realise that she, in her own insanity caused by Discord, did gnaw off her own wings. She is absolutely horrified and has a breakdown, until Fluttershy notices her and lets the others carry her out. We later learn that she gave her new wings. Ditzy is still defending her foal but Princess Gaia changes her tactic. Instead of trying force, she offers Ditzy a place in the world where no one ridicules her, her condition is healed and she can be together with her child. The mother still rejects the offer. Now Fluttershy changes tactics again and a larger part of herself appears before the Pegasus. Nobody was able to reject her after seeing her as Princess Gaia. She offers her knighthood just like she did to Cheerilee. The fog and the constructs retreat out of the house and all Ditzy has to do is to come out on her own free will and accept the kiss of Princess Gaia. She makes a decision and we later learn that she was strong-willed enough to reject the offer. Mayor Mare is overwhelmed by the fog before she can organise an evacuation. Spike and Owlowiscious are trapped in illusions. Sarah Tailin'/Raven actually manages to outrun every foal and construct in the fog and hide in her house. But then Princess Gaia herself talks to her about abandoning all her pain and sings her a variation of “So Many Wonders”. Soon Raven forgets everything, especially why she did try to run away and joins the others in the fog as a foal.

Meanwhile the heroes are inside the castle which still isn’t completed. Just like the Everfree Forest Rarity notices that there are too many bright colors and not enough contrast for true beauty. There they meet another of the ponies from Sunnytown: Threeleaf with a Cutie Mark and her own platinum butterfly necklace. Looking at AJ reminds her of how nice and helpful Ruby was, how Threeleaf herself always hesitated to improve herself in fear of the curse and finally how they decided to kill Ruby. Instead she finds comfort in the lies of always having served Princess Gaia. Pinkie Pie wonders if this crossover may be too much, but it turned out just fine and actually managed to make these zombie ponies tragic. Then Mitta replaces the unwell Threeleaf but she is different. She doesn’t have a Cutie Mark or a platinum butterfly necklace. But most importantly she doesn’t seem happy. Just like the others she doesn’t know anymore what they did but even that didn’t grant her happiness. Unlike the others she seeks the truth in AJ’s eyes and the farmer is able to realize who this is. She tells her that she saved Applebloom and should forgive herself to lessen the pain of Ruby. But Mitta is convinced that there is no redemption for her for doing nothing as a child was killed. Applejack tries to explain to her that she needs to accept one truth about herself: That she deserves redemption and that she, Ruby and everyone else have suffered enough. But before this argument can go anywhere they reach the royal throne room.

The gigantic room is filled with items from Fluttershy’s cottage. There is also a stallion shaped potted tree in the corner, this is likely Grey Hoof, the one responsible for Ruby’s death. This new form is likely a punishment for his crimes but it is still better than his existence as a zombie. But then they see Princess Gaia herself. She appears as a pale gold adult Alicorn with a sparkling pink mane and tail and blue eyes. Her Cutie Mark did switch colors and now there are three blue winged butterflies with pink bodies. She still enjoys getting pampered as the Sunnytown ponies Roneo and Starlet are by her side, helping her. Both have Cutie Marks that connect each other and a platinum butterfly pendant and necklace. Princess Gaia reacts surprised that her friends are here but if she can see what nature is seeing or at least what her servants are seeing, then she knew exactly that they will come. Everyone is immediately under her spell by just looking at her. Even Applejack can’t see any lies in her eyes. She still acts like Fluttershy and is humble, pleasant and a generous host. The others start to smile and they share a nice cup of tea. Everything is perfect. What does it matter that a few things don’t add up? For example she has now feathered wings instead of the gossamer wings she grew when she was corrupted. In the end Princess Gaia promises the reader that soon everyone will join her in her paradise. Yes, even you!

Overall this was a great chapter with a lot of build-up for the confrontation between the heroes and Princess Gaia. They see what she has done in so little time and we also see that she continues to expand her world, while the heroes march forward. But the creations reflect the creator. Everything she alters becomes pleasant and harmless but the more you think about it the more disturbing it gets. There will be no death, no birth, just eternal stagnation in her world. Nothing will ever develop or grow; it just follows her design for all eternity. Her paradise is the total antithesis of nature itself. Now even the heroes are helpless before her.

Keep up the great work.
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:iconiguanodragon:
Iguanodragon Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2013  Student General Artist
I personally really enjoyed this chapter. I can't say it's the strongest chapter, but that may partly be due to it's nature; more building up to and transitioning-still a great read though.
 The G-3 part was rather interesting, and I thought it reflected Fluttershy's plans very well. The addition of the sea serpent was pretty cool too. It provides an anchor for the reader as well as the ponies about where they are, and reinforces certain points regarding Fluttershy's "spells". 
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:iconpersona22:
Persona22 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013
Is Amethyst Star Dinky's sister here, or a babysitter, or has no relation whatsoever? (I'm asking because of the pie eating contest during the Sisterhooves Social episode)
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013
Her big sister. Adopted or biological, the story doesn't say. 
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:iconhetaliausfan:
hetaliaUSfan Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
this story is awesome!
and one bit of crazy I have to get out:
blonde Pegasus with the triangle pattern cutie mark, use the triforce!
...if you can.
.....
sorry about the random crazy...^^;
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
Actually he's purely a cameo. And he's basically given an incarnation as a pony as a REWARD for his life times fighting evil. One where he's allowed to simply live in peace and NOT have to be the one who saves the world for once.
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:iconjarkes:
Jarkes Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2012
"A young yellow Pegasus with mane to match looked outside seeing the fog with green eyes. His cutie mark was a set of three triangles and even he wasn't sure what they meant. He had once even petitioned Princess Celestia herself wondering what it meant. He hadn't expected a reply but he always felt comfortable around princesses for some reason. The reply he got was a strange one, the letter simply said he had done enough, he had done his duty towards fate and now he was free to enjoy a life of peace no longer burdened by the weight of the world. The young yellow pegasus had no idea what the letter was talking about. But seeing what the fog was doing, the young Pegasus flew away towards Cloudsdale to warn his fellow Pegasi, somehow able to tune out the song of the birds."


...Who is that?
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2012
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:iconjarkes:
Jarkes Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2012
Oh... of course...
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:iconitsfrompeople:
ItsfromPeople Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012
I found a few minor things:

"ZECORA-?!" Twilight gasped. This was the Zebra they had traveled all this way to see in the first place?

"THIS IS ZECORA-?!" Trixie exclaimed disbelieving.

Could be:

"ZECORA-?!" Twilight gasped.

"THIS IS ZECORA-?!" Trixie exclaimed disbelieving. This was the Zebra they had traveled all this way to see in the first place?

After all Trixie is the one who didn’t know Zecora and now wonders if they wanted to take advice from this child.

“Dr. Whoof took one sniff of the fog, and instantly fell asleep on his hooves drooling” could be “Dr. Whooves took one sniff of the fog, and instantly fell asleep on his hooves drooling.”
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:iconandytheb-artist:
AndytheB-Artist Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Hobbyist
Do you think that if you cut Trixie out of the equation (as well as some other things), the Princess Gaia arc ([link] through [link] would make a good season 3 opening double episode?
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012
You make it sound as if Trixie is some sort of disease. Which is the exact opposite point of her character development.
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:iconandytheb-artist:
AndytheB-Artist Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Hobbyist
No, I mean that Trixie wouldn't be in the adaptation I was talking about because she hadn't gone through the proper character development in the cannon universe.
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012
Why do you ask anyway?
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:iconardashir:
ardashir Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
Heh, I love this line from Pinkie:

Pinkie Pie just said lowly, "I hope all these crossovers and tributes don't end up alienating the readers. We need as much expose as we can get."

I guess she'd be just as annoyed with what I did in that story of mine. And am I wrong, or should 'expose' be 'exposure'?
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
Finding ANOTHER TYPO after editng this monster for hours makes me die a little inside.

And I hope Pinkie fears aren't totally justified.
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:iconardashir:
ardashir Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
And I hope Pinkie fears aren't totally justified.

I doubt it. Part of the fun in this story to me is all the little references in it.
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
Thanks goodness.
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:iconandytheb-artist:
AndytheB-Artist Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012  Hobbyist
So, would Princess Gaia look like Fluttershy in this picture? [link]
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
"But all these details were FORGOTTEN when saw an pale gold adult Alicorn with cape long sparkling pink mane and tail and eyes bluer than the sky. And three blue winged butterflies with pink bodies for a cutie mark."


The inverted colors of her cutie mark are supposed to be a tell tale sign that something isn't right. And this Alicorn Fluttershy doesn't have flowers in her hair her hair . . . sparkles . . .
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:iconandytheb-artist:
AndytheB-Artist Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012  Hobbyist
Princess Gaia sort of reminds me of Agent Smith from The Matrix. Although she'd have to disagree with this excerpt from one of Smith's monologue's

"Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world, where none suffered, where everyone would be happy? There was a diaster, no one would accept the program, entire crops were lost. Some believe that we lacked the programming language to define you perfect world, but I believe that as a species, human beings define their reality through misery and suffering. A perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from."

I'm not sure how much of this I agree with, but Hugo Weaving's dark delivery makes it all the more convincing.
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
And if you read the latest comments on Foal of Omelas, (when you get to it) you'll find someone ELSE who disagree with Smith's statement. Only even more so.
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:icondcarrier:
DCarrier Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012
Please tell me what Fluttershy did to the Everfree Forest isn't intended as a bad thing. Nature isn't cruel. It also isn't benevolent. It's what you get when you optimize for something without regard to well-being. It isn't always bad, but it occasionally does things too cruel for any sane human to even think of. I don't know if wild animal's lives are worth living, but they're far from ideal.

I think all of what Fluttershy did was good, but I could understand people thinking it would be best if everyone had control over stuff like if and how they use a lotus eater machine.
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012
Fluttershy's actions are down the middle. The story has evolved to where different ponies have different opinion on what Fluttershy does is bad or good, and WHICH things she does are bad or good or in between.

And certainly no pony is going to complain about Everfree being LESS dangerous.

"I think all of what Fluttershy did was good, but I could understand people thinking it would be best if everyone had control over stuff like if and how they use a lotus eater machine."

Indeed.

Keep reading. I promise your opinions will be voiced (I think at least).
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:icontdifurever:
TDIfurever Featured By Owner May 29, 2012
Well, this was unique.
As for Zecora.....HAHAHA! I'm sorry, I know it's wrong, but she was hilarious. Pity we didn't see more of her in the canon series. SHe was designed to be a second mentor to Twilight.
Again, HA! Pinkie breaking the 4th wall is always funny.
Now here's the Princess...
Hmm, something's......somethings not right.
And I read the comments and something caught my eye. I believe this was and I quote.

"You use a much sneaky sugar-coated version of his tactic, face it you may look pony, but your as bad as that draconequus."

the commentor was right, in your own way, you've become as bad as Discord.
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012
"Well, this was unique."

Thanks!




""You use a much sneaky sugar-coated version of his tactic, face it you may look pony, but your as bad as that draconequus."

the commentor was right, in your own way, you've become as bad as Discord."


Discord wants to HURT innocent ponies! Laugh at their pain! I'm HELPING THEM LIVE WITHOUT PAIN OR SUFFERING! How is that the same as Discord?! You . . you should not say such things to mommy dear. But mommy forgives you. Promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.

"
As for Zecora.....HAHAHA! I'm sorry, I know it's wrong, but she was hilarious. Pity we didn't see more of her in the canon series. SHe was designed to be a second mentor to Twilight."

(I actually keep that in mind some of the time when writing her here.)


Again, HA! Pinkie breaking the 4th wall is always funny.

Thanks!


Now here's the Princess...

Mama is lovely isn't she?


Hmm, something's......somethings not right.

Nothing that you need to worry about my little foal, let mama worry about it.
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:icongromhellscrea12:
gromhellscrea12 Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2012
Interesting chapter. Judging from the other comments, you've already taken enough flak for obscure references and weird cameos, and aside from some confusion, it still felt beautifully written.

Just for the hell of it, I looked a little at Generation 3 after reading this. Oh good god, kill me now. So insipid, so..I could insult the writing and various other details all day long. Guess that's one chapter of this series evolution that's better left forgotten.

That aside, I'm loving how you're doing Darth Flutter/Princess Gaia. A villain with actually noble goals (making everyone happy), feeling the loss of free will and most of what makes individuals interesting is worth it when there's no more suffering. I assume there's going to be some explanation for how she became an Alicorn.

And I'm curious how long term ol' Fluttershy's thought out this "take over the world" thing. If she succeeds, how long can she keep up the illusions and body changes? Even if she somehow has more power than the sun and moon goddesses combined, I'd guess somewhere in the range of decades. Does she have some fail-safe for when she drains herself dry trying to do something on a planetary scale? Would her mostly unwilling subjects grow older, or remain the same? If they aged, would Flutter feel horrified at the fact that she's robbed the childhoods of countless fillies?

Sorry, there's just so many ways it feels like it could go my mind is peeking into a few possibilities. Annoyingly enough, my mind hasn't considered a possibility for a story to write myself in around two or three years..
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012
"Interesting chapter. Judging from the other comments, you've already taken enough flak for obscure references and weird cameos, and aside from some confusion, it still felt beautifully written."

Story of the Blanks has at this point been integrated into the POV series and would be too much chaos to root out.

"Just for the hell of it, I looked a little at Generation 3 after reading this. Oh good god, kill me now. So insipid, so..I could insult the writing and various other details all day long. Guess that's one chapter of this series evolution that's better left forgotten."

Wait till you read Pony POV Pinkie Pie's Epilogue, HAPPY CAKE ADVENTURE, and Generation Transitions.

And I see G3 the way other people see Final Fantasy Mystic Quest. "It's not fine wine, but there's nothing wrong with a soda once in a while." (as I've heard the description.)

"That aside, I'm loving how you're doing Darth Flutter/Princess Gaia. A villain with actually noble goals (making everyone happy), feeling the loss of free will and most of what makes individuals interesting is worth it when there's no more suffering. I assume there's going to be some explanation for how she became an Alicorn."

Yes. Over the course of the series. If you've read the latest chapter you know for sure.

"And I'm curious how long term ol' Fluttershy's thought out this "take over the world" thing. If she succeeds, how long can she keep up the illusions and body changes? Even if she somehow has more power than the sun and moon goddesses combined, I'd guess somewhere in the range of decades. Does she have some fail-safe for when she drains herself dry trying to do something on a planetary scale? Would her mostly unwilling subjects grow older, or remain the same? If they aged, would Flutter feel horrified at the fact that she's robbed the childhoods of countless fillies?"

"Oh don't worry my little foal, mama is going to have a long chat with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna and with my help we're going to make Equestria be happy everywhere all the time and no one will have to be treated unfairly. Just let mama worry about you. Just go play with your friends. And see the next chapters for how mama is spreading her help to others and how she's worked things out now."

"Sorry, there's just so many ways it feels like it could go my mind is peeking into a few possibilities. Annoyingly enough, my mind hasn't considered a possibility for a story to write myself in around two or three years.."

I'll take that as a compliment.
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2012
I think you skipped a chapter. [link]

I'll respond in depth when I can.
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:iconmelancholy-meloy:
Melancholy-Meloy Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Someone. Someone please tell me who the yellow Pegasus with three triangles is supposed to be its driving me insane wondering!
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012
It's Link. [link]
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:iconmelancholy-meloy:
Melancholy-Meloy Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh! I knew I recognized the symbol's description - one of my friends had a necklace of it. I always though the elf dude was named zelda... thank you though!
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012
How does everyone keep coming to that conclusion? How? [link] Oh well.
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:iconmelancholy-meloy:
Melancholy-Meloy Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, because it says legend of zelda and the dude is the only one on the cover. XD So sorry. It may be me though. I basically live under a rock.
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:iconguilrel:
Guilrel Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
I posted too fast without making sure. I mean for this part of the music
"This one directly deals with the fog, but it fits how the other ponies see the fog (Although I don't think she wouldn't like this song as much either ^^; ) [link]
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:iconguilrel:
Guilrel Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
Yeah the start of Everkind forest was pretty strange and it was at that part that I figured this is where the Take That against what other cartoon shows for girls normally represent (or what everyone thinks that's what this show is about). It makes me wonder if the forest was always like this and the mane cast haven't noticed it till now or it really started from where Rainbow Dash was looking at. Strange enough it reminds me of that forest in Brave Fencer Mushashi of the forest maze where you can find those animals that have the miku miku fruit or something that increases your Max HP after you caught that animal. Zecora's entrance was kind of funny (then gets kind of creepy of how she was enchanted) I feel sorry for her, but at least she'll be back to normal when this is all over. (Most likely before the Cutie Pox incident)

It was nice that the Sea Serpant is okay and Rarity was glad that he was too to have a regular conversation. Also, I think all that fog stuff happening in Ponyville must've been going on whent he mane cast was going through the forest right? I suppose if they had hurry most of the town must've been safe. It was kind of funny and ironic that many people (such as myself) view a pony apocalypse being exactly the same thing that the ponies themselves are running away from. Although I wonder what happened in the mental insituation in the patents I think I'd like to talk to her myself. I'd like to ask Princess Gaia myself, but she has to make a reply to my post in the last chapter first, before I could talk to her directly, maybe. It's another scary thing that she doesn't need to sing anymore to get to people, after looking at some of the older posts, I'm thinking she's more aggressive now thanks to that One Guy (or was it The Kid from I Wanna Be The Guy?). But why is she using Fog though to spread her influence. I suppose using a band like THIS [link] would scare plenty of ponies faster than the fog itself. ^^;

I kind of agree with Fluttershy that Shinra's music didn't really fit well, but I do believe that either these three songs might fit.
Somewhat uplifting or determination music. [link]
Peaceful sounding music [link]
This one directly deals with the fog, but it fits how the other ponies see the fog:

Mittia is still as sad as ever, although I just believed her that she decided to stay not ONLY that she doesn't feel she deserves to be redeemed but it was to wait until the rest of the town understand their mistakes. It's just too bad they don't, although I found it kind of odd that Ronero and Starlet are taking care of her hair instead of well... being together. ^^; Before this scene, in the town that's under construction, I wonder if the giving it a chance line was meant for people to look at the other generations of ponies as well. Either way I'm somewhat glad that the chapter ended here so I can collect my bearings. Nice chapter as always.
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012
"Also, I think all that fog stuff happening in Ponyville must've been going on whent he mane cast was going through the forest right?"

Yes. Or right after they got covered in fog in Links.

"Although I wonder what happened in the mental insituation in the patents I think I'd like to talk to her myself."

It wasn't pretty.

"I'm thinking she's more aggressive now thanks to that One Guy (or was it The Kid from I Wanna Be The Guy?). "

Hmmm?

"But why is she using Fog though to spread her influence. I suppose using a band like THIS [link] would scare plenty of ponies faster than the fog itself. ^^;"

That's more up what Discord would do.

"Mittia is still as sad as ever, although I just believed her that she decided to stay not ONLY that she doesn't feel she deserves to be redeemed but it was to wait until the rest of the town understand their mistakes. It's just too bad they don't,"

After a thousand years they don't.

"although I found it kind of odd that Ronero and Starlet are taking care of her hair instead of well... being together. ^^;"

"Weeeellll, a princess is entitled to a LITTLE pampering, right?"

"Before this scene, in the town that's under construction, I wonder if the giving it a chance line was meant for people to look at the other generations of ponies as well. Either way I'm somewhat glad that the chapter ended here so I can collect my bearings. Nice chapter as always."

Maybe that line did have double meanings.
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:iconguilrel:
Guilrel Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012
Grammar problems:

>The five bearers made their way straight to the Everfree Forest as the pegasus flies. All of them wondering what fate Rainbow Dash had brought upon herself or had been forced upon her in the mean time. By now the fog had reasserted itself. But Twilight's wind spell and Trixie's emulation of Pegasi weather magic were keeping it away from themselves as much as possible, even if AJ wasn't sure the fog was the real danger. Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense meanwhile was apparently still on vacation. Rarity helped how she could and acted as an extra light source as the fog refused to submit to the will of the almighty sun. Twilight tried REALLY hard not to think about that implication!
*The five bearers made their way straight to the Everfree Forest as the pegasus flies. All of them were wondering what fate Rainbow Dash had brought upon herself or had been forced upon her in the mean time. By now the fog had reasserted itself. But Twilight's wind spell and Trixie's emulation of Pegasi weather magic were keeping it away from themselves as much as possible, even (delete "If" here) AJ wasn't sureif the fog was the real danger. Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense meanwhile was apparently still on vacation. Rarity helped how she could and acted as an extra light source as the fog refused to submit to the will of the almighty sun. Twilight tried REALLY hard not to think about that implication!
-The first part of the fix was caught by my Word Documents and the second part of the fix is that I really did have issues with the "if" in there and I felt that it was placed in the wrong spot. Maybe right before/next to "fog" is better.

>The first thing they noticed was the room was full of things form Fluttershy's cottage, including her pets' bird houses and cages, and her tea table, tea set and favorite rug. Second was that the room was huge. Gigantic. Big enough for Sugarcube Corner to fit inside.
*The first thing they noticed was the room was full of things from Fluttershy's cottage, including her pets' bird houses and cages, and her tea table, tea set and favorite rug. Second was that the room was huge. Gigantic. Big enough for Sugarcube Corner to fit inside.
-Another blink and you'll miss it typo. Took me a while to remember why I copied this paragraph, but yeah the problem here is "from." ^^;

>But all these details were FORGOTTEN when saw an pale gold adult Alicorn with cape long sparkling pink mane and tail and eyes bluer than the sky. And three blue winged butterflies with pink bodies for a cutie mark.
*But all these details were FORGOTTEN when they OR the bearers of the elements OR the mane cast saw an pale gold adult Alicorn with cape long sparkling pink mane and tail and eyes bluer than the sky. And three blue winged butterflies with pink bodies for a cutie mark.
-Yeah the question there was, "when who?" who saw the pale gold Alicorn, so I gave you a list of names to see if they are might help out or you could make up a better one.
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012
Edited.
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:icondracodei:
DracoDei Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Everyone's going to love!
-Perhaps an "it" at the end of this sentence, or modify the sentence after it?
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:icondracodei:
DracoDei Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
SPOILER ALERT!!!



-Think I might have lost a post... I will try to pick up from where I left off, but I might be remembering ahead.

Pinkie Diane didn't like how this looked like Fluttershy's tastes.
-Ah, so this IS Fluttershy's tastes... I guess her house is crowded by not frue-frue and her disaster-dress was because of something Rarity was doing wrong due to stress?

Her cutie mark was a three leaf clover. AJ felt like there was something off about it the more she looked at it.
-Ok, now I KNOW I have read this part before... might start skimming a bit.

Is our Kindnesty holding court?
-What else would she be doing? I guess it depends on how multitaskable her tempting ponies and otherwise managing her take-over is. Or maybe Zecora is just being a child and not making logical connections?

Her foreleg was like ice.
-No thermal element to the illusion, only visual, and perhaps tactile. Also, consider "Forehoof" since only the hooves touch when Ponies shake (unlike say, a Griffon shaking with a Pony, which is more ambiguous). Or maybe you are going more realistically and having them curl their hooves around eachother at the last joint (wonder if the scene on the cliff with AJ and Twi in S1E2 would have been better with that than with "magnetic hooves")?

Her red eyes just looked at the floor.
-She was forewarned? Or is she just not a very enthusiastic helper?

I'm just being nice, you look like a little filly who could use a whole bunch of laughs and I'm good at laughs."
-True that...

"I don't deserve to laugh, not after what I let- what I let- … I can't remember what I did. Where's Ruby?"
-A good clue for them. Of course, they won't know its importance. I also remember thinking that this scene demonstrates to the reader that it is AJ who is the problem, NOT any other Mane 5+1 member, nor Zecora(although she might be a SMALL problem of some other sort).

The ponies all looked at each other deeply in concern.
-ConCern over what she said and its implications for the situation?

Rarity's own self control was on it's edge.
-Still thinks that Gaia did something to DT?

AJ trotted close to her and whispered. "Ah know who and what ya are."
-AB tell her, or did she see it in the pool? I forget how that worked. Maybe she saw in the pool and then asked AB about it to give her closure. Also, I think this is right after thinks started being new for me.

she wasn't afraid, no, she was afraid, but she refused to look away,
-Does this refer to Mitta or AJ?

in the Truth's reflection
-This answers that...

Mah little sister Applebloom, you helped her.
-Well, it makes sense that she would be the most "rebellious" under Gaia.

It's what Ruby wants.
-AJ KNOWS this from what she saw, or is just making a very good guess?

She needs to let go.
-Ruby is still around as a ghost or something? I don't remember the game very well.

Since when has deservin' had anything to do with forgivin'?
-This is Truth and needs no pool to see.

trotted away the way she had come with her head facing the floor.
-But not back under Gaia's power... because she doesn't WANT to be now, so she isn't as quick to fall. Even initially, she was sad, even if she didn't remember what it was about. Wonder if she will help them like she did AB? I wonder if AJ managed to break her out of memory loss permanently? In such a case she might have also immunized several of her companions already (can't remember if she Truth Stared anyone in the place with Cheerilee).

That filly's waited a long time to be helped, and she won't get worse, we don't know what states Fluttershy's in.
-Good tactics. Wonder if she was always like that, or having to work out how to help so many different Ponies was her crash-course of on the job training?

And AJ trotted in and the other had no choice but to follow.
-You have a double-space between "choice" and "but".

including her pets' bird houses and cages, and her tea table, tea set and favorite rug.
-Was there a scene with Angel meeting the fog? If so, did he escape or is he under her domination now? If not, is he still in charge back at her cottage? Did she teleport the furnishings, recreate them, or get minions of one sort or another to carry them?

-It occurs to me to wonder if the reason she didn't revert the Sunnyvillians (and the VILLAIN/VILLIAN part is mostly ironically applicable in this case), was because they weren't alive, so she couldn't wind the clock back on their lives.

A birthday cake mark where it's flanks would be if it were a pony.
-Topiary(possibly to animate) possible, but unlikely. Maybe she is growing another doll. Most likely is that she turned somepony (don't feel like hitting the listings, nor Mr Cake, because he has THREE cakes, not one) into a plant for some reason. Also, how is the mark made? Flowers? Changes in the leave colors? Would have to be very small leaves if they are each a single color. Color like it was air-brushed over both the leaves and twigs and branches? Or is the whole thing mostly solid wood with leaves sticking out of it rather than a tangle like topiary?

But all these details were FORGOTTEN
-All caps seems weird. Maybe she is twisting their minds and they really do entirely forget the facts just mentioned.

Alicorn with cape long sparkling pink mane and tail and eyes bluer than the sky.
-The word "cape" seems like it was included by accident. If you really mean to mention she is wearing a cape (but it would have to be short to show her cutie-mark unless she has her wings spread.

On a stallion and mare flanked her,
-The word "On" seems like an accidental inclusion.

The pampering reminded Rarity of her spa visits with Fluttershy.
-And here I thought that she was pretty indifferent to that, and mostly did it as a way of socializing with Rarity? Differing fanon, or did Gaia make her appreciate such things? Wonder who/what the stallion and mare are. Gender mix suggests they aren't dolls.

the stallion had a key with a ruby on it over his half-heart, and the mare had a golden lock over hers.
-Not striking a bell... seems like they might be an archtypical married couple, with the key and lock having the same level of anatomical, meanings as I always THOUGHT the ♂ and ♀ symbols had, but which I might have been mistaken about.

Around their neck was a platinum butterfly pendant and necklace.
-As they don't share a single neck, I think this sentence requires adjustment.

The alicorn lazily glance at the sound of hooves trotting her throne room and gasped and blushed.
-glanced. Also, she is rather lacking in awareness for someone coordinating a take-over of an entire village. Maybe a lot of that runs more automatically, and she only takes a hoof more directly when she gets an "error warning"? Maybe she is just startled despite actually being pretty aware of their movements(unlikely)? Maybe she is buying a moment to finish up social-fuing someone, or maybe she is setting up to spring a trap... or just playing less powerful than she is, but I doubt that. Lack of awareness or setting up a trap seem the most likely.

RD, Pinkie and Rarity's blood turned to water hearing that polite if slightly startled voice.
-Because they know her best, or because Twilight is being detached and logical, Trixie doesn't know her personally, and AJ had already prepared herself for this (potential) truth?

Roneo, Starlet
-First seems to be a cross between "Roan" and "Romeo", second isn't close enough to "Juliet" to kill certain worrisome ideas related to that she might have gotten them from the place where Fluttercruel danced.

The couple made dust trails
-Well, either they know that a showdown might be coming, or their cutie-marks actually represent how well the buck together(rather than just meaning "husband" and "wife"), and they are off to do what they do best. They might be from Sunnytown, but I doubt they would have survived long enough to get cursed if those were their destiny cutie-marks, rather than just something Gaia made up (or maybe she can force destined marks?). Don't know if you have cutie-marks being destined.

It was the manticore,
-Don't know how they could be SURE it was the same one, but it is a VERY logical guess.

Her form shinned like amber.
-"shined" or "shone" I think. I THINK "shined" is a verb for polishing something, and you want "shone".

Her feathery wings fluttered like a dream.
-If she is trotting I wouldn't think that they would move much if she is being really graceful...

so honest, so truthful, so pure, not a hint of deceit or deception or falsehood in them.
-Either she isn't up to anything, or she has a REALLY good illusion for herself.

'I really love her mane.'
-Subtle hint it IS a really good illusion? Or just a reference for the sake of a reference.

'So happy.' Pinkie Pie thought.<SNIP>
WELCOME TO MY ROYAL CASTLE MY LOYAL FRIENDS!!
-Much less smooth than she seemed to be with Ditzy and Sarah Trailin'. Maybe she is nervous because these are her friends, or maybe her corrupted side is running the show outside the palace, and her form here is disconnected from it(which would explain the fact their arrival surprised her).

'I see she's got the Royal Canterlot Voice down.'
-Oh, so that really was that... thought she was doing something a little less than that.
Twilight thought distantly looking at her purity and beauty as beautiful as a field of flowers or a waterfall.
-Those don't seem like the sorts of purity and beauty that Twilight would appreciate... then again she appreciated Celestia for Celestia's sort of power (and grace?) when she saw her at the SSS as a tiny filly. Maybe this is similar to that reaction? In any case Fluttershy isn't going to be impressing her with her forethought and intellegence (which are the other things that Twi probably is usually impressed most by in the same way that PDP was by happiness, or Rarity by grace).

"F-Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash gasped out not able to look away from her perfection.
-Wouldn't Dash be more noticing her athletic physical power and perhaps subtle confidence?... err, I guess the subtle confidence would be a no-go after the bit with the interior decorating.

forming chairs and pillows carrying cookies and hot tea.
-I would phrase this as "carrying in cookies and hot tea, which they set on a nearby table and then formed themselves into chairs and pillows.". Might have them transform into the chairs and pillows, rather than forming them of there own bodies like army ants form bridges and such.

Sorry for not coming personally!
-Does that mean she isn't really there and this is a projected avatar? Or does she mean for not meeting them at the door/entrance to Everkind/before they met Cheerilee? Was Cheerilee a mistake due to her magical "programming" not taking into account that she might be protecting the children from something that WASN'T really dangerous by her standards?

The ponies automatically smiled and nodded as one and happily sat down pleasantly with their Princess.
-Brain-warping awesomeness, or mind-affecting magic again? I guess Charm Spells (like the Want It Need It, or *Charm Person* in D&D) are different enough from illusions that AJ might not be as resistant to them, even when she is on her guard.
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012
"Episode Title: "Everkind Forest"
-Nice one…"

Thank you.



"Twilight tried REALLY hard not to think about that implication!
-Probably a good idea... Also, I wonder if we are ever going to find out WHY Pinkie Sense is on vaccation."

Because it's readjusting to her being whole. It's under going an upgrade.

"At the edge of the forest, they spotted Rainbow Dash simply staring in slacked-jawed bewilderment, they did too.
-Well, that was easy... time to teleport to Canterlot for back-up."

The common sense solution is going to be forgotten in the shock of what they're going to see.

It's similar to an old examination of the story of Faust (not that) where someone examined the story to say the devil was putting on such theatrics so Faust wouldn't think to ask common sense questions of him.

"AJ just hoped she didn't end up with little round silver truth balls for eyeballs and rendering everypony who looked her in the eye a sobbing mess.
-Well, sunglasses seemed to work for Rarity, so... it might be enough of a precaution. If she goes blind she can just wear a blindfold from her eyes being too busy being mini pools of truth to work at actually focusing and detecting light... heh, explains the trope."

Ick.

If it came to that AJ hoped her eyes weren't sensitive to contact lenses.
-That works too, although I wonder if she isn't more thinking of the cosmetic benefits.

Less likely to fall off.

"AJ did a quick look in RD's eyes to make sure she wasn't brainwashed now.
-How fast is it? I thought it took a 10 seconds or so?"

Well no swirlie eyes.


"Point is, the one thing that ISN'T happening her is anyone getting HURT, so as long as the fog is spreading slowly enough, and Fluttershy's power isn't rising with time, then desparate measures are far-off. Especially with expert reports from inside the fog, which Celestia might not have if they don't teleport. Too bad they sent their star witness off with the foals."




I don't mind cute, but this is gonna make my teeth fall out!"
Pinkie Diane Pie said, "Dashie, we're magical brightly colored talking ponies."
"So?"
-Brilliant lampshading! Dash is not into cute."

She is, she just doesn't SHOW it.



proper species and number. But the trees' bark was pale almost golden yellow, the leaves were bright pink and the flowers (FLOWERS in Everfree) were bright blue.
-Err... there ARE flowers in Everfree, and they ARE blue... called Poison Joke. Even if Zecora called them leaves when she was warning about them, I seem to recall seeing stamens mixed in with the "leaves". I'm no botanist though.

I doubt the ponies would be shocked at seeing poison joke.

"Speaking of shich identifying color shifted plants would be a non-trivial task. Twilight is scholarly enough, and I guess AJ knows her plants well enough that she can (she also might be able to tell if the color change is an illusion or a transformation), and Pinkie Pie MIGHT have enough Earth Pony Sense that isn't replaced by Pinkie Sense to grab it on instinct. Trixie... probably knows which stuff near the road is best for snacking, so not much their. RD... MIGHT know from a top-down view how much rain to give any given plant.... and it took me this long to realize that those are Fluttershy's colors specifically... she may have even given in to temptation and used a smidge of her power for directly selfish reasons and fulfilled her lifelong dream of turning herself into a tree... and making all the others match her coloration would be good camouflage."

Didn't think of that very last part of her making herself a tree.

"There was also the alien presence of fruit trees, a lot of them, bearing fruit at an impossible rate that grew heavy and fell to the ground only for more to grow on the tree to take its place.
-Enough food for all the animals... still wondering how she planned to get food into the Ponies."

Nothing stops the ponies from doing that themselves.

"Twilight said dismayed as her precious logic and reason were slapped in the face so much she wanted to just hug them, wipe away their tears, and tell them that she still loved them.
-LOL. Very nice... the imagery really communicates... not sure WHAT it communicates, but my subconscious got the message."

Good. :-)

"After I told her 'a lot', she hit me with a little mallet, then asked me to swallow a blasting cap.
-Reflexology test and... I am assuming the blasting cap is a joke? Oh, wait... maybe Fluttercruel got control long enough to do that? No, that doesn't fit, Fluttershy had her under better control than to allow her to do something that might kill Pinkie Pie."

Never said Pinkie Pie actually did it. This was Cruel at her worst stage.


"(which strangely weren't discorded).
-Illusion or merely transformed and then escaped the illusion on her own. (She meditates balancing on her head on the top of a pole... she may be some sort of Zen Master or something).

She's embraced her 'destiny.'

"Put me down. Okay, even if you don't I won't frown!"
-Mind controlled, artificial decoy, or faking it?

More than mind control.

"And ... there's no need for it to cause a rift?"
-Good excuse for how hard it can be to write poetry? Then again you have done some original song lyrics I think (no not the ones you told me WEREN'T original)... Oh,l wait, I can filk better than I can write Zecora dialogue."

She's a child at the moment.

"And isn't it adorable?" RD said before shaking her head getting her wits at looking at the impossibly cute foal.
-RD not as immune to the cute as she claims, or is this super-natural-mind-control cute?

Just uber cute. Not mind control cute.

"Pinkie put her down." AJ said sternly.
-Politeness or is Zecora contagious(perhaps via the necklace)?

Being nice.

"Do it now Pinkie." Twilight said simply.
-Dangerous then... or at least "stay on mission Pinkie".

Stay on mission.

I must confess the design style is rather shallow and while the individual traits are appealing on their own, they only rudimentary compliment each other.
-Wait... the cutie-mark could really BE crayon...

Naw. It symbolizes the taint of princess gaia.

-Nice return of this logic. (Of course Gaia is missing a few points that weren't within the scope of the original conversation).

Hmm?

Then Rarity nearly shouted, "BUt I know Fluttershy better than you do!"
-Why the raised volume? Stress, or is it the only way to get though to Dash?

Both.

"But if she's willing to talk then it's too big a opportunity -not- to risk it." Twilight said simply.
-Send only a few? Nah, divide and be conquered. Politely ask that Gaia come to them? Negates most of the trap possibilities (or it would have sprung already), and only a 25% chance to permanently ruin negotiations if it WASN'T a trap. 50% chance she says "Umm... no thanks...". 25% chance she would actually come.

The ponies at this point were being railroaded by the weirdness.

"Worried about more mind control music, Twilight asked her to please stop and was surprised when Zecora complied.
-Interesting. It also occurs to me that the lack of mind-control could just be that she tweaked the regression to make them trust her, so they would do what mommy asked."

Interesting indeed.

"Of course silly filly! If I wasn't, I'd be way too embarrassed to do any of this! But for something better I couldn't wish! I haven't felt this happy since I left home! For far too long did I roam! Serving a Princess I never did dream, but I am happy to be on her team!"
-Interesting variant. MIGHT have seen this before, but it has been a long while (probably in Peirs Anthony or something).

Hmmm?

"She tried her hardest not to think about how welcoming it all looked.
-Yeah, I would say that IN GENERAL she really did improve the Everfree... sure there is such a thing as "a life too easy", but original creations are still something to do. If she wasn't Geasing sapient beings I would say that Celestia should be called in to negotiate terms and discuss deeper philosophy (and magical theory... there may be a VERY good reason why Everfree exists) in a relaxed fashion."

Indeed. That's the tragedy with these sorts of characters. They have good ideas, but then set themselves up as king of the world to hand them out not trusting anyone but their own great, superior, ego centric self to.

"You should hear what the Princess has planned for the hydra of Froggy Bottom Bog!"
-Self-braiding May-pole?

Why not?


"The Princess also reduced the fur-till-it-tea of the animals to almost nothing.
-I actually have that as one of the stock earth-pony powers. Every few months Fluttershy hides being a lectern and all the Earthponies in town file in and she explains what the population levels are, and suggests which species they need more or less of, and everypony just sorta files it away in the back of their minds and their subconscious powers take care of it. As her friends draw her out of her shell a bit, these days you can occasionally catch sight of the tip of her tail sticking out from behind one side of the lectern."

0-0


Trixie shouted in alarm. Twilights tackled her before she electrified the entire river in perceived self defense.
-Well, yes, he does look like an attack beast... wonder why he didn't get youthened like the dragons?

Cause he's not nasty.

"Except he now had a piece of purple pony tail on his neck via a cord being worn as a necklace. His mustache was whole and orange.
-Makes sense... probably not even Gaia regrowing his mustache, it has been long enough... and of course he kept the tail. I was going to say that this provides evidence for my "Ponies are practical, Kratos the Gluemaker is a perfectly ordinary Earth-Pony undertaker, and after dying of natural causes at a ripe old age, cows get turned into leather", but then I remembered Locks of Love (real world organization, people with long hair get it cut short and send it in, gets made into wigs for cancer patients who are bald from chemotherapy)."

Interesting. 0-0 I did not know that.

I have a special brand from an extinct civilization that really knew how to carry a tune I've been saving for just such an occasion!
-Seaponies?

Yes.

"And… Rarity would really appreciate being offered something THAT rare (of course she hardly has the time right now, and it might be TOO precious for her to accept). Makes sense as a hoard-item for that sort of personality though. Wonder why he isn't enchanted? Gaia figures he already makes a halfway decent guardian even without that? Maybe running water cancels her magic? That is in a lot of myths."

He's already nice.

The ponies wondered how to explain to the sea serpent that the sisters had had a change of address in the last thousand years?
-Oh, I guess that would explain it... does he use steam breath like Spike uses green fire? Also, is he over 1000 years old? I wouldn't be surprised.

Maybe. And I doubt it.

she refused to admit this wasn't a sea even after father explained the differences between various bodies of water."
-Father was a dragon, or was she just leading when they headed off in search of a new territory?

New territory.

""Did we just have a polite conversation with a SEA SERPENT IN A RIVER?"
-This raises the question of where he DID learn his manners, since they apparently aren't standard behavior for his kind... maybe his egg was sent away from home to be hatched and after the seapony that raised him died of old age (or Discord) he moved back in with his biological parents."

Or he's just a deviant.

. But Luna was a masterful player, and wanted the most perfect victory she could reasonably achieve. And the Nightmare didn't understand her pre-cog going in. 1,000 years of stasis with her magic locked wasn't much help. So NMM prefered to subdue rather than kill, and was smart enough that the question she was asking her pre-cog was "what is the course of action that will leave me the happiest at the end of things". Any separate consciousness the Nightmare had meanwhile was swearing like a silor to istself where she couldn't hear. NMM KNEW she was setting up the exact right tests, but thought that it would just be a matter of knowing how close they came would only make failure worse. NMM even shattered the EoH KNOWING it wouldn't actually do any good technically, but also KNOWING that that would lead to her being happiest, and ASSUMING that that meant that her bluff would work. Celestia appears afterward and offers her her old job back without a single harsh word, and... happy tears, checkmate 1 move AFTER the game ended. Nightmare loses, Sisters win.

Jossed. The nightmare is not a parasite or a foreign entity or a split personality. It was 100% Luna. Just insane.

It's not like they'll step on her house."
-Took me this long to figure out we were going to get Teddy Ursae.

BWAHAHAH!

"Please they're scaring her!"
-Will be interesting to see if Gaia left Zecora enough wits to handle this situation... she said she didn't take away any memories, so she MIGHT even remember all her potion making, even if she doesn't have the drive to actually DO it (and half her ingredients may be mutated beyond usability... not that she will need to treat any chipped teeth). Also, it occurs that this whole thing could be another layer of lotus-eater... one made for heroes, who like to have adventures."

Naw.


"Seeing the arrogant self serving liar who had humiliated them all shrink in terror from such (now) harmless beasts didn't feel funny for some reason.
-One wonders if Pinkie was laughing at the humiliations... probably wasn't there... unless canonical she appeared in a non-speaking role, which I think may have been the case."

Not with Trixie's attitude she wasn't.

"Twilight overheard Pinkie whispering a gentle rendition of 'Giggle At the Ghosties.'
-Further character development for PDP. Actually kinda surprised it worked... seems like the wrong sort of anti-fear thing for that specific fear somehow…"

It was more to calm down Trixie than cure her of that particular fear.

SPOILER ALERT!!!




"And why did images of her family flash through her mind as she felt it?
-That would be the bandages starting to come off the eyes of your social intuition after the operation dearie."

You are a poet.

The mist and golden yellow trees finally gave way to a clearing that gave way to a sheer cliff.
-I see cliffs aren't dangerous enough to have been eliminated yet... maybe she is saving that for a later effort since it might be kinda hard.

She can't think of everything.

now showed vague images of a yellow pegasi in various scenes, but at this distance they had no clue what.
-Didn't feel like making it up, or are you saving it for a later reveal?

And Too far away IMHO.

-Sidenote: I think I read your author's note before starting this chapter, and I like the variant style.

Thank you. :-)

It looked like a microcosm town, but many of the buildings looked only half done or only had the foundations complete.
-Replacement Ponyville for the residents to move into in progress?How does that jive with her using lotus eater-master tactics? Maybe tyhat was just an intermediate step until she could get Ponyville Mk II done, or maybe that was for the current foals, and this is for the adults she is going to regress.

She's changed methods.


"Wow. Generation three. This brings back memories." Pinkie Pie said.
-They had enough brain function to form long-term memories? [/snark] Eh... never actually seen it, but I hear bad things. Also, this makes me wonder if there is more to the unfinished nature (and if she had a TINY amount of cognitive dissonance and this is the replacement for the lotus-eater plan, rather than running in parallel with it), than "work in progress". Is it a joke about some of the G3 toys being buildings with no front walls (so you could actually access the inside)? Don't know if that happened, but it sounds plausible.

Sure let's go with that.


'About time something was.' Twilight thought.
-This just snark, or is this the very tip of the mind-control worming in? Probably not, because I accidentally know that there is singing involved and that hasn't been mentioned. Then again, that may be the more powerful version that she is holding in reserve/stage II. Or we could be past the entrancing song part, since there was some earlier, even if it wasn't Fluttershy's body doing it.

Twilight just think Shy's progress is unrealistic.


""Oh those are Princess Gala's dolls!
-Friends for Gaia? This whole place could be just for her own happiness, while she is making everyone else happy... plus Zecora who she keeps around for things that actually require a tiny bit of brain-power. They might also be combat robots, since there is no soul to risk or complex biology that is harder to repair(although Gaia may be BETTER with reparing Ponies than non-living wood... of course MAYBE the wood isn't dead, but if they are painted (are they?) then that seems unlikely."

These things filled a MUCH DIFFERENT purpose in the original draft (to capture the heroes inside doll versions of themselves to play with Gaia forever, but the narrative changed by the time we got to it).



Applejack said, "Okay, this here is the most plum crazy, and just plain -wrong- thing I've seen all day!"
-Just the general idea, or is something specific going to be shown that she is looking at and disliking?

In general.


But, WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS NONSENSE!"
-They slowed down to talk and look around them?

They stood in balk of it!

"Oh alright, too bad, I'd hoped to hear a story from Cheerilee. "
-Extraneous space between the period and the end-quote. Also, Pinkie and you rightfully needed to squeeze in this one more (Are there any other verses to that song? If so, do any of said verses cover characters whose names were inherited by G4 characters? I don't remember any more that made meme status.)

Starsong and Toola-Roola.


"I realize that this is NOT going to be the outcome... Fluttershy is going to get depowered, not talked around to keeping her powers but learning how to use them better. She might get them removed forcibly, or she might have a Heel Realization and reject them. Of course, NMM was probably more powerful than Luna, and that was BECAUSE she was augmented by the outside influence/forbidden technique."

ACTUALLY. . ..

"Sorry." Pinkie Pie apologized rather than respond with an inane question.
-Continuing to underline Pinkie's character growth... which makes me think that since you AREN'T sticking to the status quo (although canon Pinkie is SLOWLY coming around to understanding that at least OTHER people don't need parties in EVERY case, as of A Friend in Deed). Well, that and Truth-Sight... and the second element of magic... anyway, my point is, that you ALMOST have enough escalation present already that you could get away with keeping Gaia around."

Not as she is NOW though.

"Keep up the good work Gladstone." Zecora said happily.
-Who is this? Doesn't seem like a Story of the Blanks reference (saw the note), at least not the original game. Just a random OC/background pony... *Checks [link] * Nope, doesn't show up there, in several variations of Gladstone and Grind-stone.

He's a Sunnytowner.


"Don't scare me like that Little Lady Zecora! I'll be sure to of course! It is an honor to serve Princess Gaia!"
-Terrified into submission, or did Gaia just decide that bravery only gets one in trouble(Pro-tip: Dash would HATE that) and over-do it a bit?

Actually simple startle.

Having a weapon-smith who expands into heroics happens in fiction from time to time, and knife-sharpening is SORTA weapon-smithing. It does occur that swords as non-lethal force are a bit TOO cartoony for MLP (although Pip's costume proves they understand the idea), which in turn makes me wonder how Archer would ever become the hero he wants to be. I guess that magical arrows aren't that hard to come by in Equestria, so he could go the early Green Arrow route (before he started going with exploding broad-heads, or so I hear). Boxing Glove(Hoof-cover) Arrow, Net Arrow, Sleep-Dust Arrow, Lightning Arrow (cf taser rounds), Rope Arrow(use like a grappling hook, cf Thief games and Batman's grapple-gun, since the character is already going to be using their hooves to draw the bow if they want to be anything like a standard action hero... laying on your back and holding it with hindlegs to draw with teeth is a real mobility killer).

Never said it was easy.


But her eyes were drawn to the cutie mark, as if something was -wrong- with it somehow.
-Could be "story of the blanks" and he is traumatized from being FORCED to have a cutie-mark. Then again it could be Luna in disguise come to investigate and jumpy because she is facing something stronger than she is and doesn't want to be found out... wait, her mark is a CRESCENT moon, not a full one. Celestia in disguise wouldn't be nervous. I could look through the wiki indexes for brown male ponies with circular cutie marks and golden hair... of course, his hair and coat could have been changed by the same spell that gave/altered the mark. *Does so* Candidates:
Braeburn: Unlikely... then again AJ WOULD know him.
Evening Star (train-puller in Over a Barrel): Can't see mark in picture, and this would be a bit out of his way.
Jeff "The Dude" Letrotski: Bowling ball for mark would make sense graphically for small change... not that changing the mark makes any sense unless the original was something that Gaia didn't approve of... which reminds me, this could be Gaia in disguise, being FlutterSHY.
Oregon Trail: Wheel could represent desire to leave safe places in search of frontier, which Gaia wouldn't like. The illusiion over his mark could be what is scaring him... "once enchanted, twice shy"... which really makes it amazing that Ponies aren't a little leary of Twilight after the Lesson Zero incident... oh, wait, Celestia, all-time world champion at Social-fu, that covers it.
*Stopped looking at character list here... found at least one more, but since I had already gotten to my next comment... no point*

He's had a Cutie mark "GIVEN" to him. Which isn't how it's supposed to work.


"J-just Sunnytown, we-we don't get out much."
-Yeah, that was the most likely answer... interesting that AJ doesn't notice he is a zombie/ghost... maybe Gaia can cast *Undeath to Life* even if she can't even do *Raise Dead*.

Or at least gave them a much more effective illusion of life.

It's not trouble.
-You may mean "no trouble", then again you may not.




Doubts vanished, regrets vanished, memories vanished,
-So he what was he afraid of about Zecora? Just lingering fear from his nightmarish situation before Gaia found him? I hope we get to see those ponies laid to rest. The afterlife can judge them. Then again, making penance in the land of the living like those ghost in Lord of the Rings that Aragorn lead out of The Paths of the Dead could be be good too... don't know if Celestia (or maybe more like Luna) could do something like that. Don't remember the game well enought to know if the ghosts were truly happy in between "visitors". Anyway, the idea of Luna with ghostly agents under her command is probably just more of my "tactician style D&D player" talking. They will probably end up laid to rest, one way or another. Don't know if Trixie or Twilight happen to know the right spells. I think Twilight doesn't believe in ghosts, but the start of Bridle Gossip implies zombies are known to her from books, if very very rare.

AJ's truth vision was making him remember reality.


Trixie just wanted out of the construction site, something about felt out of place to her, or maybe she was the thing out of place.
-Actually, G3 sounds like some place she wouldn't be completely unhappy in... enthusiastic audience, hecklers rare and easy to out-do (don't even have to go back to humiliating them), actually BEING better than everyone else, and it isn't like she couldn't rework her stories, or even keep them the same basically, but phrased as cautionary tails of the days before Gaia... and now I just realized that maybe this is the village of the blanks being rebuilt... except that doesn't make sense unless Gaia could teleport it next to the Royal Castle. All of which to say that I don't know what is wrong with the villiage especially for Trixie... maybe she doesn't like a place without challenges? Oh, wait, it is probably the "our uniqueness is limited to our hobbies, otherwise we are interchangeable" aspect... was that G3 I heard that about?

She wasn't the type of pony who could exist in the G3 verse, that's why it felt wrong.


AJ continued to search her memories.
-Did she see the images in his mind? Is she going to remember Applebloom's tale? If so, did she see it in the pool (but she seems to have photo-recall of that from how she was running around being helpful), or did AB tell her, or did AB tell her after she saw a glimpse in the pool, and asked for further details?

Remember AJ's run around Ponyville after looking into truth?



a green filly with bright red hair
-Does this match "Family Appreciation Day"? I don't remember.

No it doesn't (changes it to blond).

Again, nopony panicked or fled at the sight of simple fog or a couple of foals that they didn't recognize at first glance.
-Would think that the cutie-marks would be of mild interest. It also occurs to me that Cheerilee MIGHT spread the alarm to Canterlot by telling the first pegaus she sees to take word, provided she sees the fog spreading. Of course, she is slowed by having a bunch of foals with her (short legs, and most of them probably not in as good of shape as Applebloom and Scootaloo) and might think that the Heroes of the Realm have it covered. If Twilight had known RD was going to run off, she would have told her to get word out , but she didn't. She might at least send word ahead to warn the closest cities, which might eventually get word to the Sisters."

And this might have happened before Cheerilee was snapped back to reality.

"I feel nine hundred years younger!
-The youthening being almost entirely a mental thing in his case I assume. I wonder if this is just a cameo, or if something will come of this (The Doctor has weird biology and psychology, and knows stuff... I would expect him to be FAIRLY slippery). Which brings to mind that maybe the reason Gaia changed tactics was that she had found at least two ponies who the old ones didn't work on (AJ and Pinkie)."

Naw. He's a foal of his current incarnation.


"A new healthy filly who was her little sister (now fraternal twin) joined in on the fun.
-Is the fanon that Carrot Top's sister has some sort of health problems? Also, I would suggest considering "(now looking more like a fraternal twin)" or "(now thinking of herself as her fraternal twin)", but I guess what you have could sufficiently imply the second, while underlining the strength of the reality-warping."

She just a cold.



including the secret special one she had hidden under the floor boards in a locked box for when her filly became a mare and found a stallion.
-Rare vintage for the wedding? Or to drown her nerves about her little darling dating?

Either/or.


"The blue unicorn Pokey Pierce ran as fast as his hooves could carry him away from the fog.
-Ok, there is one... is this something like his Discorded experience, thus why he has a strong enough reaction to run?"

Naw. THe ponies are simply noticing now the fog is turning ponies into foals.


His cutie mark was a set of three triangles and even he wasn't sure what they meant.
-Link from Legend of Zelda? If so I am thinking(based on the wiki) it is a completely original character rather than a background character with a n OC meaning, like Doctor Whooves is. I think it would be an interesting story what circumstances he got his mark in that left its meaning ambiguous.

A tribute to the character. Nothing more to it.


"The reply he got was a strange one, the letter simply said he had done enough, he had done his duty towards fate and now he was free to enjoy a life of peace no longer burdened by the weight of the world.
-Specifically Link at the end of Ocarina of Time? I don't know my LoZ that well, and I THINK he keeps his memory at the end of that, despite being youthened."

Could be any number of Links.

The fog tried to follow a young colt who had the bad luck of countless bizarre happenstances keeping him from hearing the song that would grant him happiness.
-Pip I assume?


Yes.


The place naturally existed outside of Ponyville's regular boarders.
-That doesn't sound right to me... I would imagine that even most Cutie-Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome suffers wouldn't so much of a threat they woyuld need to be isolated... Then again they might just be a lot of yelling and crying and such. Or was this a structure that was built after Discord to handle the increased work-load.

Handled in Different from Everypont Else.

they simply continued to laugh at nothing, wet themselves, draw meaningless patterns on their room walls, and talk to ponies only they could see.
-So insanity above a certain level is an effective defense? Might explain... no, it DOES NOT explain Derpy, mental impairment is NOT insanity. Might mean that the old Pinkie would have been immune to the new variant, where-as she was only "slippery" to the previous one. Actually the old one might not have been together enough to have rejected the illusion.

Derpy is just that determined thanks to the nightmare counteracting Gaia's friendly message.


What had Twilight said before about using magic to cure mad ponies?
-I can't remember either... *goes to check Trixie's chapter* Nothing there I don't think. Let me try the first chapter of the Healing part... Nope... nothing in Pearls, too soon. Second part...Uh... *much later* meh, I can't find it. Pretty sure it actually exists though...

The 'Another Family.' chapter. That magic can't cure the insane.




Screwball hung from the ceiling of her room spider-climb style (too bad the doctors didn't fall for it anymore).
-She has that ability even when Discord ISN'T running the show? Wonder if has the same sort of power-source/type as Pinkie?

Naw. She's just doing it the way Ninjas do it.


The door eventually opened and she was carried out.
-CARRIED? I know that Ponies have a very very good strength to weight ratio, but that sounds like it would have to be Gaia herself, rather than a single foal being helpful(and it really doesn't sound like there were others with the white one). I doubt Gaia is white given how much of a yellow/pink/blue theme she has going. Possible but unlikely. I guess it could be one of the other patients, being useful, like I said, if not to the EXTENT (yet?) that I was thinking of.

Who said it was one foal?


"Fluttershy?" Ditzy kept a straight and stern face at the horde surrounding her from all directions.
-Yep... guess, she knows her voice from her route? Or maybe they actually talk?

This is Ponyville, what do you think?




The birds and bunnies all withdrew from the house, as did the fog.
-That is more than I was expecting, but... then again, Fluttershy is polite.

EXACTLY!!!!



More confused than she felt in years!
-Ok, so she is considering it... suspect this is honest, without any mental influence.

Yes.

She knew she heard things differently from most ponies,
-I thought it was her vision and speech that were the primary problems, not the hearing?

changed to 'understood differently.'





Sarah Tailin' better known by her nickname 'Raven' galloped like a mad pony.
-Well, that is two ponies making a FAST break for it (as opposed to Cheerilee who is going slower). I wonder if this isn't actually part of a larger plot to draw the Alicorns off to let Diamond Tiara(after she goes Nightmare Tiara perhaps after reuniting with her mother) through to Discord/The Pool of Truth/The Elemental Regalia.


Discord isn't behind everything.


The laughter was all around her now,
-Does that mean that the fog is all around her at a closer radius than the bubble around the whole town?

It means the foals.

Foals everywhere, the fog everything.
-This implies she is either dodging between tendrils of fog, or she has some sort of immunity. Maybe Gaia figures she could use a secretary in addition to a butler (Zecora), and a sheriff (Ditzy)?

Closing in from all sides actually.


She tried to gallop straight out of Ponyville to Canterlot, but kept getting lost in the fog,
-Definite immunity... or almost so. Maybe Gaia stopoped converting ponies for some reason? the Alicorns showing up and fighting her magic enough to stop the brainwashing process, but not enough to roll back the fog or dispel any transformations, mind-controls, or conjurations?

Naw. The fog just keeps turning her around and she THINKS she's running in a straight line.

the lies in her mind telling her order and neatness was too hard to maintain so might as well go to the opposite extreme.
-Doesn't sound like the WORST Discording... then again, something that goes strongly against her cutie-mark would be very traumatic.

Exactly.


"Do you wish to be all alone? Do you wish to grow old and die? Do you wish to be unhappy? Do you wish fate to be cruel?
-Definitely temptation. Sounds like Gaia's philosophy, but not her tone. Then again you did say that you weren't happy with this chapter and were looking for suggestions for improvements. I THINK I could re-write the dialogue for this scene if it would help you... and if it is Gaia, but the question still remains why the fog didn't catch her earlier. COULD be the same Nightmare that infected Luna, but... we already have TWO big bads (Gaia, and Discord), three would seem to be pushing it.

Too bad there is quite literally ZERO space in this chapter to edit ANYTHING! :-(

Yes, you will forget everythiiiiiiiiiing!
-I thought she was letting them keep memories, but not maturity? Or was that just Zecora, Cheerilee, Ditzy etc? Or did Ditzy keep her memories (assuming she was made a knight, which seems likely). Nice villainous reprise in any case.

She's also a liar.

"Hey Ravey!" Mary Mare then gave Ravey a noogie.
-You have an extra space before "noogie". I see that Gaia has no need for a mayor in her new town (makes sense I guess). Also, noogies are mildly painful and annoying. Are those allowed in Gaia's perfect paradise? Are you just establishing that the pecking order she was trying to escape still exists, just writ small? Maybe Gaia will be correcting Mary gently.

It's an act of friendship here.

"Hey-hey! Uncle Uncle!" Ravey laughed.
-Well, I guess if everyone is having fun it doesn't count?

Exactly.

And number six had no appreciation for the history she was walking through.
-Bit of a... philistine is she?

Trixie has spent most of her life being an egocentric.

It took all of RD's will power and more maturity then she thought she had to keep herself from smashing down the falls screaming Fluttershy's name.
-Does this have anything to do with the decor, or is she just being impatient?

Impatient.


AJ felt relaxed at how open and inviting and plain the place looked.
-Really? Not too "frue-frue"? I would think that G3 would be pretty frue-frue, but I could be wrong. Don't know how frue-frue Fluttershy is, but... she certainly had no objections to a Gala dress that included a bird's nest for a hat... of course, I think you said that there was some sort of odd reason for her not being at her best with that design... oh, wait, it was Rarity being stressed out that was the root of the problem.

The G3 village and Gaia revisions to the castle use different styles.


-Think I might have lost a post... I will try to pick up from where I left off, but I might be remembering ahead.

Pinkie Diane didn't like how this looked like Fluttershy's tastes.
-Ah, so this IS Fluttershy's tastes... I guess her house is crowded by not frue-frue and her disaster-dress was because of something Rarity was doing wrong due to stress?

Yes.


Is our Kindnesty holding court?
-What else would she be doing? I guess it depends on how multitaskable her tempting ponies and otherwise managing her take-over is. Or maybe Zecora is just being a child and not making logical connections?

Take your pick.


Her red eyes just looked at the floor.
-She was forewarned? Or is she just not a very enthusiastic helper?

Her heart is still sad even if her memories are sealed.


The ponies all looked at each other deeply in concern.
-ConCern over what she said and its implications for the situation?

How weird it is for somepony to act like that after all the sugar and sunshine!

Rarity's own self control was on it's edge.
-Still thinks that Gaia did something to DT?

Fluttershy is her best friend.

AJ trotted close to her and whispered. "Ah know who and what ya are."
-AB tell her, or did she see it in the pool? I forget how that worked. Maybe she saw in the pool and then asked AB about it to give her closure. Also, I think this is right after thinks started being new for me.'

Combination.


she wasn't afraid, no, she was afraid, but she refused to look away,
-Does this refer to Mitta or AJ?

Mitta.


It's what Ruby wants.
-AJ KNOWS this from what she saw, or is just making a very good guess?

Either or.

She needs to let go.
-Ruby is still around as a ghost or something? I don't remember the game very well.

Ruby is still a earth bound spirit.

Since when has deservin' had anything to do with forgivin'?
-This is Truth and needs no pool to see.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!! VERY MUCH INDEED!!!

trotted away the way she had come with her head facing the floor.
-But not back under Gaia's power... because she doesn't WANT to be now, so she isn't as quick to fall. Even initially, she was sad, even if she didn't remember what it was about. Wonder if she will help them like she did AB? I wonder if AJ managed to break her out of memory loss permanently? In such a case she might have also immunized several of her companions already (can't remember if she Truth Stared anyone in the place with Cheerilee).

You'll see.

That filly's waited a long time to be helped, and she won't get worse, we don't know what states Fluttershy's in.
-Good tactics. Wonder if she was always like that, or having to work out how to help so many different Ponies was her crash-course of on the job training?

Does it matter?

including her pets' bird houses and cages, and her tea table, tea set and favorite rug.
-Was there a scene with Angel meeting the fog? If so, did he escape or is he under her domination now? If not, is he still in charge back at her cottage? Did she teleport the furnishings, recreate them, or get minions of one sort or another to carry them?

Yes. He's her majordomo. Same way Zecora's her foot zebra.

They were all carries here.


-It occurs to me to wonder if the reason she didn't revert the Sunnyvillians (and the VILLAIN/VILLIAN part is mostly ironically applicable in this case), was because they weren't alive, so she couldn't wind the clock back on their lives.

Very possible.

A birthday cake mark where it's flanks would be if it were a pony.
-Topiary(possibly to animate) possible, but unlikely. Maybe she is growing another doll. Most likely is that she turned somepony (don't feel like hitting the listings, nor Mr Cake, because he has THREE cakes, not one) into a plant for some reason. Also, how is the mark made? Flowers? Changes in the leave colors? Would have to be very small leaves if they are each a single color. Color like it was air-brushed over both the leaves and twigs and branches? Or is the whole thing mostly solid wood with leaves sticking out of it rather than a tangle like topiary?

It's Ruby's father, who killed her.


The pampering reminded Rarity of her spa visits with Fluttershy.
-And here I thought that she was pretty indifferent to that, and mostly did it as a way of socializing with Rarity? Differing fanon, or did Gaia make her appreciate such things? Wonder who/what the stallion and mare are. Gender mix suggests they aren't dolls.

The emotional endearment it held.


the stallion had a key with a ruby on it over his half-heart, and the mare had a golden lock over hers.
-Not striking a bell... seems like they might be an archtypical married couple, with the key and lock having the same level of anatomical, meanings as I always THOUGHT the ♂ and ♀ symbols had, but which I might have been mistaken about.

The couple from story of the blanks.


The alicorn lazily glance at the sound of hooves trotting her throne room and gasped and blushed.
-glanced. Also, she is rather lacking in awareness for someone coordinating a take-over of an entire village. Maybe a lot of that runs more automatically, and she only takes a hoof more directly when she gets an "error warning"? Maybe she is just startled despite actually being pretty aware of their movements(unlikely)? Maybe she is buying a moment to finish up social-fuing someone, or maybe she is setting up to spring a trap... or just playing less powerful than she is, but I doubt that. Lack of awareness or setting up a trap seem the most likely.

Or she wasn't focused on what was going on around her body other than the pampering.


RD, Pinkie and Rarity's blood turned to water hearing that polite if slightly startled voice.
-Because they know her best, or because Twilight is being detached and logical, Trixie doesn't know her personally, and AJ had already prepared herself for this (potential) truth?

Knew her best.

Roneo, Starlet
-First seems to be a cross between "Roan" and "Romeo", second isn't close enough to "Juliet" to kill certain worrisome ideas related to that she might have gotten them from the place where Fluttercruel danced.

Story Of The Blanks.

The couple made dust trails
-Well, either they know that a showdown might be coming, or their cutie-marks actually represent how well the buck together(rather than just meaning "husband" and "wife"), and they are off to do what they do best. They might be from Sunnytown, but I doubt they would have survived long enough to get cursed if those were their destiny cutie-marks, rather than just something Gaia made up (or maybe she can force destined marks?). Don't know if you have cutie-marks being destined.

Gaia gave them those cutie marks.


Her feathery wings fluttered like a dream.
-If she is trotting I wouldn't think that they would move much if she is being really graceful...

Tell her that.

so honest, so truthful, so pure, not a hint of deceit or deception or falsehood in them.
-Either she isn't up to anything, or she has a REALLY good illusion for herself.

Or her charisma score is something in the 40 or 50 range.

'I really love her mane.'
-Subtle hint it IS a really good illusion? Or just a reference for the sake of a reference.

Why not both?


'So happy.' Pinkie Pie thought.<SNIP>
WELCOME TO MY ROYAL CASTLE MY LOYAL FRIENDS!!
-Much less smooth than she seemed to be with Ditzy and Sarah Trailin'. Maybe she is nervous because these are her friends, or maybe her corrupted side is running the show outside the palace, and her form here is disconnected from it(which would explain the fact their arrival surprised her).

She's getting the royalty in person thing not quite down yet.



forming chairs and pillows carrying cookies and hot tea.
-I would phrase this as "carrying in cookies and hot tea, which they set on a nearby table and then formed themselves into chairs and pillows.". Might have them transform into the chairs and pillows, rather than forming them of there own bodies like army ants form bridges and such.

Sorry for not coming personally!
-Does that mean she isn't really there and this is a projected avatar? Or does she mean for not meeting them at the door/entrance to Everkind/before they met Cheerilee? Was Cheerilee a mistake due to her magical "programming" not taking into account that she might be protecting the children from something that WASN'T really dangerous by her standards?

Sorry for not meeting them at the forest's edge.

The ponies automatically smiled and nodded as one and happily sat down pleasantly with their Princess.
-Brain-warping awesomeness, or mind-affecting magic again? I guess Charm Spells (like the Want It Need It, or *Charm Person* in D&D) are different enough from illusions that AJ might not be as resistant to them, even when she is on her guard.

Mentally warped by her divine aura. (Brainwashing I guess in a realistic sense.)
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DracoDei Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
SPOILER ALERT!!!!





The laughter was all around her now,
-Does that mean that the fog is all around her at a closer radius than the bubble around the whole town?

Foals everywhere, the fog everything.
-This implies she is either dodging between tendrils of fog, or she has some sort of immunity. Maybe Gaia figures she could use a secretary in addition to a butler (Zecora), and a sheriff (Ditzy)?

She tried to gallop straight out of Ponyville to Canterlot, but kept getting lost in the fog,
-Definite immunity... or almost so. Maybe Gaia stopoped converting ponies for some reason? the Alicorns showing up and fighting her magic enough to stop the brainwashing process, but not enough to roll back the fog or dispel any transformations, mind-controls, or conjurations?

"Sarah! Come play at once!" Said a little foal with a crayon drawing of the mayor's cutie mark on her flanks in a official sounding tone that sounded completely silly coming out of the foal's mouth.
-Nice bit... the words, all of it (not super-great, just good, I'm just trying to say that it is all of what I copy-pasted directly above)

edge with cloth
-"edges" perhaps, implying she did each door and window? That would take a few minutes, even at a gallop.

"Shush." Said a soft quite voice from nowhere. "Don't be afraid. Everything is going to be okay.
-Luna, mistress of darkness, dreams, and maybe even "the monster under the bed"? This does seem like prime territory for her... might be travelling via shadows. Or it could be Gaia. Also, you are missing a closing quote-mark.

"Whose there-?!"
-Almost certainly not Gaia since she probably knows Fluttershy's voice.

"No one who is going to hurt you. I'm here to help you. You need rescue? You want to escape?
-Again, missing the closing quotemarks... maybe italicized closing quotes don't copy-paste/interprit from your source file very well?

"Yes! Save me!"
-Cue either whatever infected Diamond Tiara, or an utterly terrifying trip through elemental darkness... or maybe just getting freaked out by Luna again...

"Escape from what though?"
-Philosophy.... this is unexpected... could be any of the three possibilities... Gaia or Discord (that is who has DT, right?) trying to tempt her, or Luna trying to work her around to being her agent, rather than a refugee.

"But is that all you need escape from? Are you sure?"
-Temptation, or she is protected by a small fraction of the taint that protects DT(although where she would have gotten it I don't know), and Luna has detected it and is trying to bring it to her mind? If it is temptation it doesn't sound like Gaia's speed. She would be less "put them on the spot" and more "explain how nobody is going to get hurt".

Don't you want to escape the pain of how Discord hurt
-Ok, this sounds more like Gaia... maybe she is getting more assertive/tactical. Also, you have two spaces before "hurt".

the lies in her mind telling her order and neatness was too hard to maintain so might as well go to the opposite extreme.
-Doesn't sound like the WORST Discording... then again, something that goes strongly against her cutie-mark would be very traumatic. Ponies have a few non-human aspects to their psychology.

"Do you or don't you?"
-Very confrontational for Gaia. Might be Luna after all... or even Celestia, but as I said before, under a bed is MUCH more Luna's metaphysical turf. She might be offering her a chance to become a hero, and move on from there to a more important and independent position (information gathering post head officer?).

"Do you wish to be all alone? Do you wish to grow old and die? Do you wish to be unhappy? Do you wish fate to be cruel?
-Definitely temptation. Sounds like Gaia's philosophy, but not her tone. Then again you did say that you weren't happy with this chapter and were looking for suggestions for improvements. I THINK I could re-write the dialogue for this scene if it would help you... and if it is Gaia, but the question still remains why the fog didn't catch her earlier. COULD be the same Nightmare that infected Luna, but... we already have TWO big bads (Gaia, and Discord), three would seem to be pushing it.

"NO!"
-You have a double line-break after this.

"Then just listen to mommy."
-Right, so it is Gaia. Maybe you just didn't write the escape sequence right? Or she DOES have some sort of immunity? Or it is TRIXIE'S escaped "demon" (Loneliness, right?). That one called itself a mother if I remember correctly.

Yes, you will forget everythiiiiiiiiiing!
-I thought she was letting them keep memories, but not maturity? Or was that just Zecora, Cheerilee, Ditzy etc? Or did Ditzy keep her memories (assuming she was made a knight, which seems likely). Nice villainous reprise in any case.

"Hey Ravey!" Mary Mare then gave Ravey a noogie.
-You have an extra space before "noogie". I see that Gaia has no need for a mayor in her new town (makes sense I guess). Also, noogies are mildly painful and annoying. Are those allowed in Gaia's perfect paradise? Are you just establishing that the pecking order she was trying to escape still exists, just writ small? Maybe Gaia will be correcting Mary gently.

"Hey-hey! Uncle Uncle!" Ravey laughed.
-Well, I guess if everyone is having fun it doesn't count?

Mary Mare then looked at everyone. "By order her super-duber Kindnesty Princess Gaia! I declare today and every day play day!"
-Ah, so still the mayor, but only to the degree that the captain of the ship in "WALL-E" was REALLY a captain until WALL-E showed up... and even less so, since the mayor doesn't even do a daily announcement on a schedule she cares about probably. Also, it is traditionally "super-duper".

Rubble and junk had been cleared away and living wood filled in the holes in the walls and floors.
-Ok, so back to our heroes...(since nobody is left in Ponyville to fight, although I think the message might get through to the Sister's before the story is all done).

anything metallic needed de-rusting.
-Wonder if that works by scrubbing the rust off, or if she is planning to undo the rusting process on a chemical/"be what you were" level?

And number six had no appreciation for the history she was walking through.
-Bit of a... philistine is she?

It took all of RD's will power and more maturity then she thought she had to keep herself from smashing down the falls screaming Fluttershy's name.
-Does this have anything to do with the decor, or is she just being impatient?

Twilight kept her senses above her,
-"about"?

AJ felt relaxed at how open and inviting and plain the place looked.
-Really? Not too "frue-frue"? I would think that G3 would be pretty frue-frue, but I could be wrong. Don't know how frue-frue Fluttershy is, but... she certainly had no objections to a Gala dress that included a bird's nest for a hat... of course, I think you said that there was some sort of odd reason for her not being at her best with that design... oh, wait, it was Rarity being stressed out that was the root of the problem.

((GAH!!!! Computer problems...))
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DracoDei Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
SPOILER ALERT!!!



the cutting knife Mrs. Cake had been holding dropped from her mouth and nearly cut her leg as it hit the floor and Mr. Cake nearly burned the house down from the cupcakes he had been about to put in and would have forgotten about.
-Another flaw in Gaia's plan, although she MIGHT have been aware and able to stop the fire and heal all injuries, the implication is that she wouldn't have been. The knife-wound wouldn't have been much of a problem by itself I don't thinks... shallow slice probably. One thing is maybe you don't need so much introduction in the first few sentences of each transformation paragraph. Might help make things flow more smoothly. For instance this paragraph could perhaps be something like:
A cutting knife fell from ms Cake's mouth and nearly cut her leg as it hit the floor and Mr. Cake nearly burned the house down from the cupcakes he had been about to put in and would have forgotten about. Forgetting about having a foster child or even a business, a colt and filly were soon busy stuffing their faces with the confections around them.

A new healthy filly who was her little sister (now fraternal twin) joined in on the fun.
-Is the fanon that Carrot Top's sister has some sort of health problems? Also, I would suggest considering "(now looking more like a fraternal twin)" or "(now thinking of herself as her fraternal twin)", but I guess what you have could sufficiently imply the second, while underlining the strength of the reality-warping.

And side by side the two fillies joined the march deciding to sing along with the voice.
-Can those who haven't been transformed hear the voice? Also, there seems to be a remarkable lack of the traditional PANIC! reaction of Ponyville. Now they DO usually run into their homes (which wouldn't do any good in this case), but it seems this could be improved... the fog only seems to be spreading at a foal's trotting pace.

Roseluck and Daisy stopped to pick her up, heard the song, and began to carry her into the fog instead of away from it.
-Ok, so the untransformed CAN hear the song, and the fog does the transformation, but the song still is the lure.

including the secret special one she had hidden under the floor boards in a locked box for when her filly became a mare and found a stallion.
-Rare vintage for the wedding? Or to drown her nerves about her little darling dating? Probably the first, which makes this a tragedy... although I think that anyone who does alcohol treatment would tell her to at least give it to someone trustworthy for safekeeping... at least if she was trying to clean up, which I thought she was right after Discord.

The blue unicorn Pokey Pierce ran as fast as his hooves could carry him away from the fog.
-Ok, there is one... is this something like his Discorded experience, thus why he has a strong enough reaction to run?

She wouldn't reenact that betray of herself.
-Provided she couldn't help evacuate them this is reasonable (not perfect tactics, but reasonable). Also, this implies that SOMEPONY figured out that this was a bad thing, and WAS evacuating patients.

His cutie mark was a set of three triangles and even he wasn't sure what they meant.
-Link from Legend of Zelda? If so I am thinking(based on the wiki) it is a completely original character rather than a background character with a n OC meaning, like Doctor Whooves is. I think it would be an interesting story what circumstances he got his mark in that left its meaning ambiguous.

He hadn't expected a reply but he always felt comfortable around princesses for some reason.
-Probably Link.

The reply he got was a strange one, the letter simply said he had done enough, he had done his duty towards fate and now he was free to enjoy a life of peace no longer burdened by the weight of the world.
-Specifically Link at the end of Ocarina of Time? I don't know my LoZ that well, and I THINK he keeps his memory at the end of that, despite being youthened.

flew away towards Cloudsdale to warn his fellow Pegasus
-"Pegasi" I think, unless their is a singular Pegasus he is trying warn. And since you have Celestia and Luna slotted in as Zelda, that seems unlikely. Not that Link dosn't have other friends and allies, but none that stand out so much. But this would be the first step towards the Sister's getting clued in, as I said might happen.

The fog tried to follow a young colt who had the bad luck of countless bizarre happenstances keeping him from hearing the song that would grant him happiness.
-Pip I assume? One also wonders why no bat or owl has gone to tell Luna, but I guess they aren't as smart as Angel.

blue and black spiders
-Yep... wonder if those are the same ones she animated on Nightmare Night, naturally occurring ones, or a pre-cast spell of protection with a similar basis as the Shadowbolts once it is triggered.

who were part of the same thing as the fog tried
-This might be better as "who had come with the fog". Sounds a bit awkward the way you have it.

but blue and black beetles, centipedes, earwigs, and other arthropods
-Sounds like a pre-set spell. Might be constructs of pure magic, might be bugs that were actually in the soil that were transformed. Wonder if it had an alarm attached to it to alert Luna if this level of response was reached? Actually the Pool MIGHT have told them about this, but I don't know how often they look into it. Discord was unpredictability incarnate, but I don't THINK Gaia could hide herself NEARLY so well. The Sisters may have seen the best outcome of this happening with minimal interference.

The place naturally existed outside of Ponyville's regular boarders.
-That doesn't sound right to me... I would imagine that even most Cutie-Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome suffers wouldn't so much of a threat they woyuld need to be isolated... Then again they might just be a lot of yelling and crying and such. Or was this a structure that was built after Discord to handle the increased work-load.

hey simply continued to laugh at nothing, wet themselves, draw meaningless patterns on their room walls, and talk to ponies only they could see.
-So insanity above a certain level is an effective defense? Might explain... no, it DOES NOT explain Derpy, mental impairment is NOT insanity. Might mean that the old Pinkie would have been immune to the new variant, where-as she was only "slippery" to the previous one. Actually the old one might not have been together enough to have rejected the illusion.

What had Twilight said before about using magic to cure mad ponies?
-I can't remember either... *goes to check Trixie's chapter* Nothing there I don't think. Let me try the first chapter of the Healing part... Nope... nothing in Pearls, too soon. Second part...Uh... *much later* meh, I can't find it. Pretty sure it actually exists though...

Finally the fog retracted from the patients' rooms, and the pain for the poor mad ponies stopped, they shuddered on the floors of their rooms.
-If an insanity is severe enough that on one day out of 100 it will cause you to cause grievous harm to yourself or others, I would call that enough cause for the person to be in a mental hospital. Many mental ward patients are their VOLUNTARILY. My point being that I think one or more of them might actually do something useful. Fluttershy herself wasn't THAT far from being crippled by her phobias that some focused therapy would have helped her, and she is a heroine.

Screwball hung from the ceiling of her room spider-climb style (too bad the doctors didn't fall for it anymore).
-She has that ability even when Discord ISN'T running the show? Wonder if has the same sort of power-source/type as Pinkie?

"MY WINGS! MY WINGS! CELESTIA MY WINGS!"
-Gaia could fix that I should think...

The door eventually opened and she was carried out.
-CARRIED? I know that Ponies have a very very good strength to weight ratio, but that sounds like it would have to be Gaia herself, rather than a single foal being helpful(and it really doesn't sound like there were others with the white one). I doubt Gaia is white given how much of a yellow/pink/blue theme she has going. Possible but unlikely. I guess it could be one of the other patients, being useful, like I said, if not to the EXTENT (yet?) that I was thinking of.

The fog rose.
-Cue breaking her all-time record for hovering by a huge amount once it gets past the top of the table?

"Fluttershy?" Ditzy kept a straight and stern face at the horde surrounding her from all directions.
-Yep... guess, she knows her voice from her route? Or maybe they actually talk?

And I see now that's wrong.
-Well, that bodes well for being able to talk her down... not that I think that will happen, or maybe it will succeed in breaking Flutterrshy away from the Nightmare-equivalent in her, so that that side has to take her over by force (a close-fought between the two of them I am thinking).

Ditzy rammed a the tip of the mob
-mop

"You really do love her don't you?"
-Well, DUH... or is Gaia saying she shows more love than most mothers?

"You really want to protect her."
-Seeing this turning into a hostage situation... maybe Gaia will go so far as to take Dinky from "squirm" to "don't breath"... but I would have THOUGHT she would have used that level of control to have her untie the rope earlier... then again the change of tactics may have given her more fine control.

Ditzy beheld the face of the most kind and majestic pony in the world.
-"Jump into the fog and I promise I will leave her unchanged."?

Her eyes shown with more compassion than Ditzy would think possible, her
-No, probably not such a deal offered then.

What if you could protect more than just your daughter?
-A good argument... but Ditzy has dealt with Foal Protective Services, who used the same sort of argument. There are differences of course.

"Blue, Eyes, Rat Is, Mime, Really."
-She is falling for it?

And Ponyville is going to need protectors like you for it's foals, like everywhere will need protectors.
-Ah, the same job-offer as she gave Cheerilee and/or Zecora? I think Cheerilee wasn't given an explicit offer, she was just picked since she would be the easiest to "modify".

The birds and bunnies all withdrew from the house, as did the fog.
-That is more than I was expecting, but... then again, Fluttershy is polite.

The discorded look in Dinky's eyes remained but she stopped struggling.
-Ok, so it at least has an "off" switch. Not sure why she didn't release her entirely, unless she can't make the magic work that way without touching her with a bird or something, or this is a trick to get Ditzy to let down her guard.

"When you're ready, you can come out into the fog, accept my kiss, and join me as my Knight."
-Wonder if she is going to refuse point-blank, treat it as a siege she will not surrender to, or honestly think it over? If the last, I wonder if she will go for it? Probably not, since you have set her up as an iron-willed hero, and Dinky is still effected.

More confused than she felt in years!
-Ok, so she is considering it... suspect this is honest, without any mental influence.

She knew she heard things differently from most ponies,
-I thought it was her vision and speech that were the primary problems, not the hearing?

The front door shinned like a doorway out of the darkness and into the fog.
-"shined" I think. Also, the metaphor doesn't quite work with the end being literal. It is poetic in that both darkness and fog obscure vision.

Ditzy made her choice.
-Suspect that means she is going to do it since no counter-arguements have been listed, but you COULD be psyching me out.

Mayor Mare tried to organize an evacuation, but the fog began to close them off from all sides.
-Good, this makes sense.

The fog closed in around them like a dome
-Because Pegasi exist... right!

the little filly with tan hide and now magenta hide
-and now magenta mane and tail

her Kindnesty
-I guess Gaia really did fully adopt or create that term... I would think that just "Her Kindness" would sound better, but this may get the point across better. Maybe her "Her Graceful Kindness"? Because "even herr sneezus ish graceful!"... but then again, maybe that would be a reason for her NOT to use that term, since she hated that.

"Fluttershy? Is that you singing? I … "
-Wondering if his being at the Pie Twins age proportionately, but very mature mentally, would protect him.

"Rarity?! You will?! I'm the happiest dragon alive!"
-Going back to her original methods? I guess that might be necessary to keep Twilight from politely asking him to Draco-Fax something... of course she could try to set that up to redirect to HER instead of Celestia, since he now follows her. She might just need to ask...


-When I saw his name I wondered if he would be under the protection of Luna, which keeps the bats and owls from being themselves entranced. Maybe those were ALL constructs? Don't think the owls had the black and blue color scheme though. I suppose Luna might have been observing a "no ganking pets, especially not pets of Sister's personal student" rule when she set things up. Or Luna could be hiding here all along interfering as little as she can bear to... but that doesn't make sense, the creatures of the night were helping Pip even before Gaia came into the picture and I doubt that Luna has time to stalk him like Edward stalked Bella.

Sarah Tailin' better known by her nickname 'Raven' galloped like a mad pony.
-Well, that is two ponies making a FAST break for it (as opposed to Cheerilee who is going slower). I wonder if this isn't actually part of a larger plot to draw the Alicorns off to let Diamond Tiara(after she goes Nightmare Tiara perhaps after reuniting with her mother) through to Discord/The Pool of Truth/The Elemental Regalia.

((To be continued...))
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:icondracodei:
DracoDei Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
SPOILER ALERT!!!





Doubts vanished, regrets vanished, memories vanished,
-So he what was he afraid of about Zecora? Just lingering fear from his nightmarish situation before Gaia found him? I hope we get to see those ponies laid to rest. The afterlife can judge them. Then again, making penance in the land of the living like those ghost in Lord of the Rings that Aragorn lead out of The Paths of the Dead could be be good too... don't know if Celestia (or maybe more like Luna) could do something like that. Don't remember the game well enought to know if the ghosts were truly happy in between "visitors". Anyway, the idea of Luna with ghostly agents under her command is probably just more of my "tactician style D&D player" talking. They will probably end up laid to rest, one way or another. Don't know if Trixie or Twilight happen to know the right spells. I think Twilight doesn't believe in ghosts, but the start of Bridle Gossip implies zombies are known to her from books, if very very rare.

Trixie just wanted out of the construction site, something about felt out of place to her, or maybe she was the thing out of place.
-Actually, G3 sounds like some place she wouldn't be completely unhappy in... enthusiastic audience, hecklers rare and easy to out-do (don't even have to go back to humiliating them), actually BEING better than everyone else, and it isn't like she couldn't rework her stories, or even keep them the same basically, but phrased as cautionary tails of the days before Gaia... and now I just realized that maybe this is the village of the blanks being rebuilt... except that doesn't make sense unless Gaia could teleport it next to the Royal Castle. All of which to say that I don't know what is wrong with the villiage especially for Trixie... maybe she doesn't like a place without challenges? Oh, wait, it is probably the "our uniqueness is limited to our hobbies, otherwise we are interchangeable" aspect... was that G3 I heard that about?

AJ continued to search her memories.
-Did she see the images in his mind? Is she going to remember Applebloom's tale? If so, did she see it in the pool (but she seems to have photo-recall of that from how she was running around being helpful), or did AB tell her, or did AB tell her after she saw a glimpse in the pool, and asked for further details?

The fog spread low a lumbering beast across the landscape,
-"The fog spread like a lumbering beast across the landscape,"

being lost in their ideal dream worlds such as they were.
-This feels slightly awkward.

He wasn't quite fast enough.
-That could actually be a good thing, since the link runs both ways probably, and Angel was always the one whipping FS into shape.

a green filly with bright red hair
-Does this match "Family Appreciation Day"? I don't remember.

Again, nopony panicked or fled at the sight of simple fog or a couple of foals that they didn't recognize at first glance.
-Would think that the cutie-marks would be of mild interest. It also occurs to me that Cheerilee MIGHT spread the alarm to Canterlot by telling the first pegaus she sees to take word, provided she sees the fog spreading. Of course, she is slowed by having a bunch of foals with her (short legs, and most of them probably not in as good of shape as Applebloom and Scootaloo) and might think that the Heroes of the Realm have it covered. If Twilight had known RD was going to run off, she would have told her to get word out , but she didn't. She might at least send word ahead to warn the closest cities, which might eventually get word to the Sisters.

"I feel nine hundred years younger!
-The youthening being almost entirely a mental thing in his case I assume. I wonder if this is just a cameo, or if something will come of this (The Doctor has weird biology and psychology, and knows stuff... I would expect him to be FAIRLY slippery). Which brings to mind that maybe the reason Gaia changed tactics was that she had found at least two ponies who the old ones didn't work on (AJ and Pinkie).

A few minutes later a pink and blue fillies were having a splash war in the spa's most expensive hot tub.
-Remove the "a" or change it to "a pair".

((Computer lagging, going to reboot my browser and/or computer...))
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:icondracodei:
DracoDei Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
SPOILER ALERT!!!




And why did images of her family flash through her mind as she felt it?
-That would be the bandages starting to come off the eyes of your social intuition after the operation dearie.

The mist and golden yellow trees finally gave way to a clearing that gave way to a sheer cliff.
-I see cliffs aren't dangerous enough to have been eliminated yet... maybe she is saving that for a later effort since it might be kinda hard.

now showed vague images of a yellow pegasi in various scenes, but at this distance they had no clue what.
-Didn't feel like making it up, or are you saving it for a later reveal?

-Sidenote: I think I read your author's note before starting this chapter, and I like the variant style.

It looked like a microcosm town, but many of the buildings looked only half done or only had the foundations complete.
-Replacement Ponyville for the residents to move into in progress?How does that jive with her using lotus eater-master tactics? Maybe tyhat was just an intermediate step until she could get Ponyville Mk II done, or maybe that was for the current foals, and this is for the adults she is going to regress.

"Wow. Generation three. This brings back memories." Pinkie Pie said.
-They had enough brain function to form long-term memories? [/snark] Eh... never actually seen it, but I hear bad things. Also, this makes me wonder if there is more to the unfinished nature (and if she had a TINY amount of cognitive dissonance and this is the replacement for the lotus-eater plan, rather than running in parallel with it), than "work in progress". Is it a joke about some of the G3 toys being buildings with no front walls (so you could actually access the inside)? Don't know if that happened, but it sounds plausible.

But it's still under construction.
-Looks like we MIGHT be getting a detailed answer in the next few paragraphs. If not, it will almost certainly come out during the show-down.

'About time something was.' Twilight thought.
-This just snark, or is this the very tip of the mind-control worming in? Probably not, because I accidentally know that there is singing involved and that hasn't been mentioned. Then again, that may be the more powerful version that she is holding in reserve/stage II. Or we could be past the entrancing song part, since there was some earlier, even if it wasn't Fluttershy's body doing it.

"Oh those are Princess Gala's dolls!
-Friends for Gaia? This whole place could be just for her own happiness, while she is making everyone else happy... plus Zecora who she keeps around for things that actually require a tiny bit of brain-power. They might also be combat robots, since there is no soul to risk or complex biology that is harder to repair(although Gaia may be BETTER with reparing Ponies than non-living wood... of course MAYBE the wood isn't dead, but if they are painted (are they?) then that seems unlikely.

Rainbow Dash couldn't help herself, she laughed.
-Karma arriving soon...

"Oh look! Rainbow Dash always dresses in style!"
-Yep.

Rainbow Dash stopped laugh and Rarity burst out laughing. "I must say this is an improvement for you dear!"
-Was going to say that Rarity isn't that mean in the show (and I still don't know to my satisfaction why she went to lethal force against Cheerilee), but then I remembered "Look Before You Sleep".

"I must say that while the design is technically sound there is clearly no enough effort put into making them unique."
-This on the other hand qualifies as a small but useful piece of social-fu. Maybe should have saved it for use against Gaia directly, but as a "one more thing we are fighting for", and as a piece of data (both for rhetoric and for tactics if it comes to things other than rhetoric) for Twilight Sparkle, now may be the right time.

Applejack said, "Okay, this here is the most plum crazy, and just plain -wrong- thing I've seen all day!"
-Just the general idea, or is something specific going to be shown that she is looking at and disliking?

But, WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS NONSENSE!"
-They slowed down to talk and look around them?

"Oh alright, too bad, I'd hoped to hear a story from Cheerilee. "
-Extraneous space between the period and the end-quote. Also, Pinkie and you rightfully needed to squeeze in this one more (Are there any other verses to that song? If so, do any of said verses cover characters whose names were inherited by G4 characters? I don't remember any more that made meme status.)

" And a beautiful Starsong melody. "
-Extraneous spaces on both ends, and I guess that answers the first of my two parathetical questions directly above.

Can't say I blame you.'
-Yeah, if she just throttled it back and consulted with Celestia and Luna (who, while they have great power, don't seem to be much able to reality-warp on massive scales) she could actually do some good I think. Then again, with Everfree being the exception, rather than the rule, maybe they already have. Someone to give Spike BACK his brain in "Secret of my Excess" would have been good for instance. As would being able to head off the Ursa Minor BEFORE it damaged any property in Ponyville. Discord... would have been in her league, if not more powerful... she could have saved them a few hours (and thus much world-wide panic) against Nightmare Moon, and MIGHT have even been able to help Trixie faster and with less risk than Twilight did while maintaining the same quality of work (at least after some training). Sure, the Sister's could have done most of that, but going from two medium-epic (say about 25th level in D&D terms, with Twilight and Trixie being in the 16th to 21st level range) casters in the country (both of whom are busy running the government) to three is nothing to sneeze at. Also, she has been doing things that Twilight implies are impossible, which means that the Sister's probably CAN'T do them, and variety is good. Of course, I realize that this is NOT going to be the outcome... Fluttershy is going to get depowered, not talked around to keeping her powers but learning how to use them better. She might get them removed forcibly, or she might have a Heel Realization and reject them. Of course, NMM was probably more powerful than Luna, and that was BECAUSE she was augmented by the outside influence/forbidden technique.

"Sorry." Pinkie Pie apologized rather than respond with an inane question.
-Continuing to underline Pinkie's character growth... which makes me think that since you AREN'T sticking to the status quo (although canon Pinkie is SLOWLY coming around to understanding that at least OTHER people don't need parties in EVERY case, as of A Friend in Deed). Well, that and Truth-Sight... and the second element of magic... anyway, my point is, that you ALMOST have enough escalation present already that you could get away with keeping Gaia around.

"Let's just get out through here before I start wrecking Fluttershy's doll houses." RD said.
-This story probably took you long enough to write that this is a Rainbomb reference (Lesson Zero).

(Twilight wondered how she had avoided having a heart attack from all this)
-Exercise (and youth).

"Keep up the good work Gladstone." Zecora said happily.
-Who is this? Doesn't seem like a Story of the Blanks reference (saw the note), at least not the original game. Just a random OC/background pony... *Checks [link] * Nope, doesn't show up there, in several variations of Gladstone and Grind-stone.

"Don't scare me like that Little Lady Zecora! I'll be sure to of course! It is an honor to serve Princess Gaia!"
-Terrified into submission, or did Gaia just decide that bravery only gets one in trouble(Pro-tip: Dash would HATE that) and over-do it a bit? Having a weapon-smith who expands into heroics happens in fiction from time to time, and knife-sharpening is SORTA weapon-smithing. It does occur that swords as non-lethal force are a bit TOO cartoony for MLP (although Pip's costume proves they understand the idea), which in turn makes me wonder how Archer would ever become the hero he wants to be. I guess that magical arrows aren't that hard to come by in Equestria, so he could go the early Green Arrow route (before he started going with exploding broad-heads, or so I hear). Boxing Glove(Hoof-cover) Arrow, Net Arrow, Sleep-Dust Arrow, Lightning Arrow (cf taser rounds), Rope Arrow(use like a grappling hook, cf Thief games and Batman's grapple-gun, since the character is already going to be using their hooves to draw the bow if they want to be anything like a standard action hero... laying on your back and holding it with hindlegs to draw with teeth is a real mobility killer).

((This comment may be out of order)) He didn't have the swirl eyes.
-Looking back a few lines, I notice this... is this something only AJ can see? Because those didn't last that long on the show... then again I guess the heart eyes in Lesson Zero DID. I think that Swirl Eyes MAY just mean "Lotus Eater"... unless Cheerilee had them the whole fight... then again that could be "fighting now, but Lotus Eater spell still around for when I am done".

But her eyes were drawn to the cutie mark, as if something was -wrong- with it somehow.
-Could be "story of the blanks" and he is traumatized from being FORCED to have a cutie-mark. Then again it could be Luna in disguise come to investigate and jumpy because she is facing something stronger than she is and doesn't want to be found out... wait, her mark is a CRESCENT moon, not a full one. Celestia in disguise wouldn't be nervous. I could look through the wiki indexes for brown male ponies with circular cutie marks and golden hair... of course, his hair and coat could have been changed by the same spell that gave/altered the mark. *Does so* Candidates:
Braeburn: Unlikely... then again AJ WOULD know him.
Evening Star (train-puller in Over a Barrel): Can't see mark in picture, and this would be a bit out of his way.
Jeff "The Dude" Letrotski: Bowling ball for mark would make sense graphically for small change... not that changing the mark makes any sense unless the original was something that Gaia didn't approve of... which reminds me, this could be Gaia in disguise, being FlutterSHY.
Oregon Trail: Wheel could represent desire to leave safe places in search of frontier, which Gaia wouldn't like. The illusiion over his mark could be what is scaring him... "once enchanted, twice shy"... which really makes it amazing that Ponies aren't a little leary of Twilight after the Lesson Zero incident... oh, wait, Celestia, all-time world champion at Social-fu, that covers it.
*Stopped looking at character list here... found at least one more, but since I had already gotten to my next comment... no point*

"J-just Sunnytown, we-we don't get out much."
-Yeah, that was the most likely answer... interesting that AJ doesn't notice he is a zombie/ghost... maybe Gaia can cast *Undeath to Life* even if she can't even do *Raise Dead*.

It's not trouble.
-You may mean "no trouble", then again you may not.

Kindnesty
-This sounds awkward, which goes along with his general mood... going to assume that he or another weirded-out ex-blank made this up on the spot when talking to Gaia and it stuck/spread, rather than Gaia. Gaia might be drunk on power, but I don't think it is screwing up her pleasant-sounding vocabulary.

In AJ's eyes, his image began to waver, like what she was seeing was picture super imposed on top of another.
-Ah... undead after all rather than returned to life and then given a mark.

((Dinner-time...))
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:icondracodei:
DracoDei Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
SPOILER ALERT!!!





Episode Title: "Everkind Forest"
-Nice one...

Twilight tried REALLY hard not to think about that implication!
-Probably a good idea... Also, I wonder if we are ever going to find out WHY Pinkie Sense is on vaccation.

At the edge of the forest, they spotted Rainbow Dash simply staring in slacked-jawed bewilderment, they did too.
-Well, that was easy... time to teleport to Canterlot for back-up.

AJ just hoped she didn't end up with little round silver truth balls for eyeballs and rendering everypony who looked her in the eye a sobbing mess.
-Well, sunglasses seemed to work for Rarity, so... it might be enough of a precaution. If she goes blind she can just wear a blindfold from her eyes being too busy being mini pools of truth to work at actually focusing and detecting light... heh, explains the trope.

If it came to that AJ hoped her eyes weren't sensitive to contact lenses.
-That works too, although I wonder if she isn't more thinking of the cosmetic benefits.

AJ did a quick look in RD's eyes to make sure she wasn't brainwashed now.
-How fast is it? I thought it took a 10 seconds or so?

Trixie snapped at her, if they had been listening for it,
-I suggest "and" before "if".

Twilight felt hurt. Why do so many ponies assume Celestia was going to banish any problem she laid her eyes on? Didn't any of them know how much it HURT Celestia to do what she had to do?
-Yeah, and omnicide is one thing... a slowly spreading fog is another. They have time to work on tactics. Then again, the omnicide wouldn't have gotten very far in... well, actually, I don't know how long it would be before plant species would start going extinct. Let's say 72 hours at least. Point is, the one thing that ISN'T happening her is anyone getting HURT, so as long as the fog is spreading slowly enough, and Fluttershy's power isn't rising with time, then desparate measures are far-off. Especially with expert reports from inside the fog, which Celestia might not have if they don't teleport. Too bad they sent their star witness off with the foals.

I don't mind cute, but this is gonna make my teeth fall out!"
Pinkie Diane Pie said, "Dashie, we're magical brightly colored talking ponies."
"So?"
-Brilliant lampshading! Dash is not into cute.

proper species and number. But the trees' bark was pale almost golden yellow, the leaves were bright pink and the flowers (FLOWERS in Everfree) were bright blue.
-Err... there ARE flowers in Everfree, and they ARE blue... called Poison Joke. Even if Zecora called them leaves when she was warning about them, I seem to recall seeing stamens mixed in with the "leaves". I'm no botanist though. Speaking of shich identifying color shifted plants would be a non-trivial task. Twilight is scholarly enough, and I guess AJ knows her plants well enough that she can (she also might be able to tell if the color change is an illusion or a transformation), and Pinkie Pie MIGHT have enough Earth Pony Sense that isn't replaced by Pinkie Sense to grab it on instinct. Trixie... probably knows which stuff near the road is best for snacking, so not much their. RD... MIGHT know from a top-down view how much rain to give any given plant.... and it took me this long to realize that those are Fluttershy's colors specifically... she may have even given in to temptation and used a smidge of her power for directly selfish reasons and fulfilled her lifelong dream of turning herself into a tree... and making all the others match her coloration would be good camouflage.

but they seem to be lacking stingers.
-They must be flying pretty close to be able to see that... then again Rainbow Dash might have telescopic vision (literally Pegasi might have the eyes of a hawk).

Everything was so organized, all the trees neatly in rows, equal space from each other, letting in enough sunlight for all.
-Ah, right... because trees don't hug. Although actually, redwoods sorta DO. Not that the roots of separate trees seek eachother out that I KNOW of, but without the interlinking the wind will blow a redwood over... you can't have a single full-grown redwood standing alone.

There was also the alien presence of fruit trees, a lot of them, bearing fruit at an impossible rate that grew heavy and fell to the ground only for more to grow on the tree to take its place.
-Enough food for all the animals... still wondering how she planned to get food into the Ponies.

Twilight got a headache when she saw a sign with cutely designed letters labled 'Gem Tree.'
-Actually, a lot of people think that gems really DO grow in the ground in Equestria (which also explains the rock-farm).

Twilight said dismayed as her precious logic and reason were slapped in the face so much she wanted to just hug them, wipe away their tears, and tell them that she still loved them.
-LOL. Very nice... the imagery really communicates... not sure WHAT it communicates, but my subconscious got the message.

After I told her 'a lot', she hit me with a little mallet, then asked me to swallow a blasting cap.
-Reflexology test and... I am assuming the blasting cap is a joke? Oh, wait... maybe Fluttercruel got control long enough to do that? No, that doesn't fit, Fluttershy had her under better control than to allow her to do something that might kill Pinkie Pie.

'I'm still getting used to her thinking rationally period.' Rarity thought.
-Actually, she has been... well she is breaking the fourth wall a lot more, but she also talks plain sense a lot too.

(which strangely weren't discorded).
-Illusion or merely transformed and then escaped the illusion on her own. (She meditates balancing on her head on the top of a pole... she may be some sort of Zen Master or something).

Her gray hyde
-hide

Around her neck was a platinum butterfly necklace.
-Not a positive sign...


Pinkie Pie took up Zecora into her arms and began cuddling her like a teddybear.
-About what I expected why she said "can't resist".

"Put me down. Okay, even if you don't I won't frown!"
-Mind controlled, artificial decoy, or faking it?

And ... there's no need for it to cause a rift?"
-Good excuse for how hard it can be to write poetry? Then again you have done some original song lyrics I think (no not the ones you told me WEREN'T original)... Oh,l wait, I can filk better than I can write Zecora dialogue.

"And isn't it adorable?" RD said before shaking her head getting her wits at looking at the impossibly cute foal.
-RD not as immune to the cute as she claims, or is this super-natural-mind-control cute?

"Pinkie put her down." AJ said sternly.
-Politeness or is Zecora contagious(perhaps via the necklace)?

"Do it now Pinkie." Twilight said simply.
-Dangerous then... or at least "stay on mission Pinkie".

I must confess the design style is rather shallow and while the individual traits are appealing on their own, they only rudimentary compliment each other.
-Wait... the cutie-mark could really BE crayon...

What would be mean would be to steal memories, or to make one a foal without being given the heart of one, or be given the mind of one without being given the body of one! But Princess Gaia isn't like that! Everything will be better now that she's up to bat!
-Nice return of this logic. (Of course Gaia is missing a few points that weren't within the scope of the original conversation).

"I wasn't more happy as a foal." Pinkie Pie said in the most straight, matter of fact, and almost -harsh- tone she had ever used.
-Interesting point...

"We need to fix that then. Happiness is right around the bend."
-Nice point, but it won't fly.

"You mean make others happy? You mean do it in the most gentle way possible? You mean not wanting to do violence herself even if she'll let others do it for a good cause? You mean being forceful if emotionally backed into a corner? You mean letting her cowardice get the better of her when we aren't there to support her? You mean liking things pleasant and peaceful and being a polite hostess?"
-She has a point, this fits the MO, just the ethics are messed up.

Had Celestia's companions seen this face when the Princess was informed or bore witness to Luna's fall into insanity?
-Indeed.

Then Rarity nearly shouted, "BUt I know Fluttershy better than you do!"
-Why the raised volume? Stress, or is it the only way to get though to Dash? Also, the U should be lower case.

"But if she's willing to talk then it's too big a opportunity -not- to risk it." Twilight said simply.
-Send only a few? Nah, divide and be conquered. Politely ask that Gaia come to them? Negates most of the trap possibilities (or it would have sprung already), and only a 25% chance to permanently ruin negotiations if it WASN'T a trap. 50% chance she says "Umm... no thanks...". 25% chance she would actually come.

Worried about more mind control music, Twilight asked her to please stop and was surprised when Zecora complied.
-Interesting. It also occurs to me that the lack of mind-control could just be that she tweaked the regression to make them trust her, so they would do what mommy asked.

"Of course silly filly! If I wasn't, I'd be way too embarrassed to do any of this! But for something better I couldn't wish! I haven't felt this happy since I left home! For far too long did I roam! Serving a Princess I never did dream, but I am happy to be on her team!"
-Interesting variant. MIGHT have seen this before, but it has been a long while (probably in Peirs Anthony or something).

She tried her hardest not to think about how welcoming it all looked.
-Yeah, I would say that IN GENERAL she really did improve the Everfree... sure there is such a thing as "a life too easy", but original creations are still something to do. If she wasn't Geasing sapient beings I would say that Celestia should be called in to negotiate terms and discuss deeper philosophy (and magical theory... there may be a VERY good reason why Everfree exists) in a relaxed fashion.

"You should hear what the Princess has planned for the hydra of Froggy Bottom Bog!"
-Self-braiding May-pole?

"The Princess also removed all the Poison Joke, she decided that practical jokes weren't really all that funny to the person they were happening to."
-Don't know if Pinkie Pie ever ENJOYED the poison joke, even after she knew the true source, but I think that as a general philosophy, Gaia just managed to sharply reduce her chances of enchanting Pinkie Pie or social-fu-ing her.
"It's Fluttershy." Dashie said a sprinkling of despair.
-Yep.

"The Princess also reduced the fur-till-it-tea of the animals to almost nothing.
-I actually have that as one of the stock earth-pony powers. Every few months Fluttershy hides being a lectern and all the Earthponies in town file in and she explains what the population levels are, and suggests which species they need more or less of, and everypony just sorta files it away in the back of their minds and their subconscious powers take care of it. As her friends draw her out of her shell a bit, these days you can occasionally catch sight of the tip of her tail sticking out from behind one side of the lectern.

but looked to be able Spike's size
-"about", not "able"

Lazily eating up the endless supplies of jewels the gem-trees were providing.
-DOH! should have seen this coming. Also, they must have hyperaccelerated metabolisms to GET fat this fast, rather than her having transformed them into fat dragons from the start.... oh, wait, Greed-Growth, Dragons do have hyperfast growth abilities.

"How could she have done all this in such a short amount of time?
-Well, she is tapped into the power of Discord via Fluttercruel... who I still say will be back to fix the heart, and the land, that she broke.

Trixie shouted in alarm. Twilights tackled her before she electrified the entire river in perceived self defense.
-Well, yes, he does look like an attack beast... wonder why he didn't get youthened like the dragons?

"Oh, right, Everkind."
-Well, no actually... as long as you don't go diving in the river when he is upset (I've been kayaking... very turbulent water is srs bzns).

Except he now had a piece of purple pony tail on his neck via a cord being worn as a necklace. His mustache was whole and orange.
-Makes sense... probably not even Gaia regrowing his mustache, it has been long enough... and of course he kept the tail. I was going to say that this provides evidence for my "Ponies are practical, Kratos the Gluemaker is a perfectly ordinary Earth-Pony undertaker, and after dying of natural causes at a ripe old age, cows get turned into leather", but then I remembered Locks of Love (real world organization, people with long hair get it cut short and send it in, gets made into wigs for cancer patients who are bald from chemotherapy).

I have a special brand from an extinct civilization that really knew how to carry a tune I've been saving for just such an occasion!
-Seaponies? And... Rarity would really appreciate being offered something THAT rare (of course she hardly has the time right now, and it might be TOO precious for her to accept). Makes sense as a hoard-item for that sort of personality though. Wonder why he isn't enchanted? Gaia figures he already makes a halfway decent guardian even without that? Maybe running water cancels her magic? That is in a lot of myths.

"Don't tell that to Princess Luna." Twilight said under her breath.
-Oh dear... yeah, that would be interesting.

The ponies wondered how to explain to the sea serpent that the sisters had had a change of address in the last thousand years?
-Oh, I guess that would explain it... does he use steam breath like Spike uses green fire? Also, is he over 1000 years old? I wouldn't be surprised.

she refused to admit this wasn't a sea even after father explained the differences between various bodies of water."
-Father was a dragon, or was she just leading when they headed off in search of a new territory?

and er, we don't have for verbal baiting?"
-time for verbal baiting?"

"Did we just have a polite conversation with a SEA SERPENT IN A RIVER?"
-This raises the question of where he DID learn his manners, since they apparently aren't standard behavior for his kind... maybe his egg was sent away from home to be hatched and after the seapony that raised him died of old age (or Discord) he moved back in with his biological parents.

Trixie wondered if Nightmare Moon somewhere deep down had -wanted- to be defeated.
-My guess for this is on the TVTropes Wild Mass guessing page, but here it is: Alicorns = everything any other pony has the potential to do, but better. Pinkie Sense exists, therefore Alicorns are precognitive (I think you would actually agree with me on this based on what Luna said would happen to AJ if she hadn't been able to pull out?). the Nightmare couldn't make Luna Omnicidal directly, but it could fog her into things she had the magical juice to keep every sapient on the planet alive directly (perhaps extorting power from Celestia in her solar prison on the principle of "It is going directly to keep Ponies alive"). But Luna was a masterful player, and wanted the most perfect victory she could reasonably achieve. And the Nightmare didn't understand her pre-cog going in. 1,000 years of stasis with her magic locked wasn't much help. So NMM prefered to subdue rather than kill, and was smart enough that the question she was asking her pre-cog was "what is the course of action that will leave me the happiest at the end of things". Any separate consciousness the Nightmare had meanwhile was swearing like a silor to istself where she couldn't hear. NMM KNEW she was setting up the exact right tests, but thought that it would just be a matter of knowing how close they came would only make failure worse. NMM even shattered the EoH KNOWING it wouldn't actually do any good technically, but also KNOWING that that would lead to her being happiest, and ASSUMING that that meant that her bluff would work. Celestia appears afterward and offers her her old job back without a single harsh word, and... happy tears, checkmate 1 move AFTER the game ended. Nightmare loses, Sisters win.

And more importantly, Trixie wondered, 'Can ponies really become friends that fast?'
-This is Equestria... and Celestia the Magnificent Mare.

It's not like they'll step on her house."
-Took me this long to figure out we were going to get Teddy Ursae.

Please they're scaring her!"
-Will be interesting to see if Gaia left Zecora enough wits to handle this situation... she said she didn't take away any memories, so she MIGHT even remember all her potion making, even if she doesn't have the drive to actually DO it (and half her ingredients may be mutated beyond usability... not that she will need to treat any chipped teeth). Also, it occurs that this whole thing could be another layer of lotus-eater... one made for heroes, who like to have adventures.

Zecora, while confused, complied. "Shoo shoo Ursas. Go play somewhere else."
-Well... that was easy. Good for getting Trixies dander up (usually a good idea when fighting mind-control, as long as she doesn't ruin the diplomacy).

Seeing the arrogant self serving liar who had humiliated them all shrink in terror from such (now) harmless beasts didn't feel funny for some reason.
-One wonders if Pinkie was laughing at the humiliations... probably wasn't there... unless canonical she appeared in a non-speaking role, which I think may have been the case.

Twilight overheard Pinkie whispering a gentle rendition of 'Giggle At the Ghosties.'
-Further character development for PDP. Actually kinda surprised it worked... seems like the wrong sort of anti-fear thing for that specific fear somehow...
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:iconprofessor-evans:
Professor-Evans Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Student General Artist
I think there was a story on fanfiction, centered around Derpy. It showed her point of view throughout this whole story and may have some actual lines and scenes taken from this very series'

... Oh wait you gave your permission.

FLUTTERSHY MUST BURN!!!! Also, by now Pinkie and the rest of the story have broken down the Fourth Wall, Zecora is a bad rhymer and I LOVE THIS STORY!!!! On a side note, what happened to Celestia and Luna?
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012
"I think there was a story on fanfiction, centered around Derpy. It showed her point of view throughout this whole story and may have some actual lines and scenes taken from this very series'"

"Has little Alex's seal of approval."


"FLUTTERSHY MUST BURN!!!!"

"Oh you're just crank and need a nap dear."

"Also, by now Pinkie and the rest of the story have broken down the Fourth Wall,"

"Come here and hug mommy now, whose a good foal? Whose a good foal? Yes you are."

" Zecora is a bad rhymer"

When she was small.

" and I LOVE THIS STORY!!!! "

Thanks.

"On a side note, what happened to Celestia and Luna?"

You'll see.
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:iconprofessor-evans:
Professor-Evans Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Student General Artist
I am as far as Butterflies part 11 and...

WOW. I did NOT see all those plot-twists coming, just WOW. To Fluttershy, I say THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTION. Just be glad you got stopped before passing the gates, kiddo.

I still love this, Pinkie Pie trying to KILL HERSELF was, er, SHOCKING. I honestly did not expect her to go batshit insane. [please forgive the batshitting]
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:iconalexwarlorn:
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012
"I still love this, Pinkie Pie trying to KILL HERSELF was, er, SHOCKING. I honestly did not expect her to go batshit insane. [please forgive the batshitting]"

You mean the part in Butterflies? She wasn't trying to kill herself, she was trying to LOBOTOMIZE herself.

And I don't mind the cussing in this context.

"WOW. I did NOT see all those plot-twists coming, just WOW. To Fluttershy, I say THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTION. Just be glad you got stopped before passing the gates, kiddo. "

Most Nightmares are born from good intentions.
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