My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic Fanfiction
Pony POV Series
Dark World Part 19 1/2
Love Hate Bedlam
"Fair ye well, oh Valeyard, you were a charming, witty, clever, fun-to-be-around type who was a blast at parties and really knew how to destroy ponies with their own flaws! You will be missed." Discord put a paw over his black hole of a heart, speaking to a tiny picture of the Valeyard with a black ribbon. Discord wiped away a nonexistent tear.
"Good riddance to bad rubbish!" Angry Pie said, meaning every word.
"I didn't like his attitude, but at least he knew how to have fun," Fluttercruel said.
"Had the biggest passions I've ever encountered," Rancor said, with a straight face. "It was a real shame he had to go, but for the greater cause, sacrifices must be made."
Discord's two living purple plastic music box ponies mimed weeping tears since they didn't have tear ducts. The dirt maids also did politely, one of them playing a funeral dirge on a kazoo.
"Well he's not getting any deader." Discord flicked the picture over. He turned around happily clasping his hands, "Well, Traitor Dash failed me, again. And that stupid Time Lord has gotten his Doctorate back for good.. And Tragedy and her minions are being unfashionably late to the party I've invited them to! Such rudeness. So everyequus ready for round three?"
"So who fights next?" Rancor asked casually.
Discord grinned. "All three of you."
The three looked at him, surprised.
Discord looked thoughtful. "Hmm, six against four, odds are too even for my tastes. Fluttercruel, call upon.... THE CATERING SERVICE!"
Fluttercruel produced a remote control and pressed a button, causing a wall to raise up dramatically, revealing
pony skeletons in intimidating bad-flank outfits sitting around a suitably ominous table labeled 'Daemones Ex Machina: League of Auxiliary Minions.'
Discord tapped his chin. "Huh, I could've sworn I made them all agelessly immortal."
Fluttercruel face hoofed. "Bloodthirsty psychotic ponies still need AIR, Master!"
"I'd recommend reanimating the corpses... then again, there's that ONE foal in their ranks who has a way with logic..." Rancor noted.
"Meh, they were all B-Listers anyway." Discord rubbed the back of his head. "I suppose that's why I can never keep my goldfish alive
"This is why I never let any of my foals join that stupid club!" Angry Pie said.
Discord's eyes focused on Angry Pie, "Let's have a chat just between us, my pretty." The two vanished.
"Hey! What about me?!" Fluttercruel shouted. She pouted, "I honestly don't know what he sees in her."
Rancor said, "As your auntie Pandora would say: to embrace the intangible, to look into the eyes of the blind."
"He's a fire trying to hug kindling."
"Enough with the metaphors!"
"You'll get it when you're more mature."
"You don't know me!"
" . . . then talk to me."
"Tell me about yourself, niece. I read up on Dissey. But I didn't read up on you. Tell me your life from your point of view."
"Is it so weird that I want to know about you?"
"No it's just . . . no one ever cared to listen before." Uncertainty crossed the gray pegasus' face, feeling like a fish out of water.
Rancor patted her on the shoulder. "First time for everything, and we have time to kill before the killing starts."
"All . . . All right then. . . . The first thing I ever heard was, 'Time to be cruel.'"
We teleported from the throne room right into-
"My room!" I got ready to rip his throat out! "No one has a right to be in here but-"
Discord flicked me into a wall, leaving a big circular crack. And no, I did NOT leave a stupid outline like in a stupid cartoon!
"This is my room! You have no right to-" A metal plate riveted itself over my mouth.
"Technically I own the world and everypony in it, so technically, I have the right to be anywhere I please my dear."
He leaned against my exercise equipment that Liarjack had helped me move in. Jerk, acting like he owned the place. He picked up something from my dresser.
My vision turned red as he recklessly played with it. "My-my-my, this little crystal music box, it belonged to your what? Third apprentice? Fourth?"
I tore the metal plate off and leapt at him with my good rear leg, "Get your filthy fingers off that you ugly-" He slammed me down with his tail, dark matter blocks landed on each of my hooves, crushing them and the floor underneath. I growled trying to pull my limbs off to get free. I'd rip them off if I had to!
He put Bomb Pie's music box back on my dresser. He looked around like my room was his personal art gallery. "I must admit I'm surprised how spartan it is in here. I was expecting walls of weapons, trophies, and is that A BED? You know you don't really need to sleep. Dreaming of your children you had to watch grow old and die? Gray walls, gray bed. How droll. But my-my-my, all these toys gathering dust. This rubber chicken for instance, it belonged to Pumpkin Cake, if I'm not mistaken."
That was it. I rammed into him like a pink comet, the dark matter blocks flying as I roared, my head rammed into his gut, making him stagger back a step.
Jackass just smiled, how dare he! "You and my Cruelty have always been my favorites."
"You don't have favorites."
"I beg to differ! You and I have a past, my dear Angry Pie, it's only because of me you exist."
"Like I care!"
"I think you'll care about this." Discord snapped his fingers.
I startled in confusion. I felt the bones in my rear leg rearranging themselves, fitting back into place, growing the way they were meant to, tendons reconnecting, nerves growing. For the first time in over five hundred years. I had four functional legs again.
Discord leaned in close, grinning at me.
I flipped kicked him in the face with my repaired leg.
"Not bad, my dear, but you kicked me in the wrong spot, I'm already missing my tooth on that side."
"I'll be sure to make them match next time!"
Discord sighed. "You wouldn't be the first." He snapped his fingers.
I couldn't stop myself from gasping when I found where we teleported next. I couldn't stop myself from shuddering. Tears slowly formed in my eyes as I took in the faint scent of old flowers and bones.
I slowly looked around. There was a skylight which I stood right underneath. I didn't want them to be alone in the dark when I built it.
The walls were lined with shining marble blocks. I polished them myself whenever I was in here. Each stone was engraved with a cutie mark. Each had a small mantel-shelf which a few centuries old flower lay in. Their names, the date they became my foal, and when they left me alone again, were all engraved too.
The only laughter I could trust that wasn't directed at me. The only smiles I knew weren't hiding a sadistic lie. The only thing worthwhile in this selfish world that no one took seriously except when they were forced to. These victims of this selfish mocking laughing world who I could share, just for a tiny while, and make the mocking laughs just for a little while stop.
I could tell you each of their names, the color of their eyes, their favorite color, their favorite cake, the different warmth their smiles each gave me.
The mausoleum and skylight were made in a circle, my Element of Rage, engraved on the floor. What was supposed to be the only way in still locked. There used to be statues for each of the pony races with some weird cutie marks along the walls when I first found this room smashing down a random wall. Apparently Princess Celestia had used it. Celestia. How many times had she pranked or laughed at her own subjects? Toyed with them like they were . . . toys! All to make her laugh at them!
I hope she's conscious as a statue, I bet she doesn't think it's a laughing matter now!
"Look at'em go, Mom!"
"I told you I'd be strong as you someday, Ma."
"Those white bugs won't be laughing at anyone again, Mother!"
"It's okay, Fuse Box, you can cry if you want."
"Auntie Angry don't!"
"Please! Don't . . . don't hurt her . . she's . . . she's my grandmother."
" . . . . . . FINE!"
"Don't be dumb, Powder Cake, I'd never hurt you."
"Bomb Pie, don't worry! Mommy's here! You're-You're just taking a little nap! Mommy will be here for you, when you-wake up-you, don't need to worry!"
"A heart so full of brimming anger, boiling at anything she lays her eyes upon . . . but tell me my little pony, have you ever hated yourself?" His dirty claw was on my shoulder. I bit it.
"If you so much as TOUCH THEM, I swear to everything I HATE that I'LL KILL YOU!" I snarled at the monster looking him in the eyes.
Discord waved his pulsing claw, he looked angry at me. Good! I hate that sick selfish smirk!
Discord breathed in deep. "I asked, have you ever hated yourself? For having to watch them all die while you went on?"
"I HATE YOU for that!"
"Is that so? You know I'm the one who woke you up to the dark side of laughter, of no pony ever taking you seriously."
"What do you expect? Gratitude?! Forget it! Do you think I like you for that?! I'm only angry that it took YOU for me to wake up! And that I can't make you stop laughing, you pig!"
"Why do you stay here then? You don't need little old me to punish the world, do you? You've got your Element of Chaos and four good legs, you could keep punishing the world yourself, why not just leave and let the Elements of Harmony wipe this smile off my face if you hate me so much?"
"Because THEY'RE here," I look at my foals tombs, "And I won't let you toy with the only ponies who don't deserve it!"
Sometimes I remember past the fog, past the beginning. All I do remember is that I hate it. I hate it 'each letter in the word 'hate' make up of several smaller prints of the word 'hate'' hate it! Being here, I reach further through the fog than ever before.
Parties. Birthdays. Parties. Smiles. Parties. Rocks. Parties. Song. Parties. LAUGHTER!!!! The big fat lie!
There are ponies out there still laughing at me, still not taking me seriously, still treating everything like it's just their toy. My anger boils at the thought.
"What if it could be different?"
"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye, Anger. I swear to Havoc, Emperor Of Phobias, Home For Infinite Losers. I'll resurrect to full health and youth, and curse with immortality, all of your students upon the elimination of the rogue Elements Of Chaos. I'll even give them their own private protected bubble community, yours, all yours. As an added bonus, I can make it like Sky Ocean; so the outside world is nothing more than a legend. Just you and your students."
I charged at the Pegasus, at the last moment he held out a little earth pony foal, tears trickling from her eyes. I stopped, feeling calmer than I had been in decades and spoke to her. "... Did someone laugh at you?"
She nodded unhappily.
"Do you want to come with me?"
She nodded more enthusiastically. I hugged her.
"Okay! But first, sit and watch Auntie Pie trample the hay out of this nasty stallion who tried to bribe me with you, okay?"
She clapped her little hooves and laughed while I beat the tar out of the Pegasus.
I looked at each one, all their names calling to me. I gently placed my
front hooves against Pound and Pumpkin's cutie marks.
"After Twilight and the rest are all dead and you've kept your word I'm coming for you next," I rumbled looking over my shoulder.
He smiled at that, he SMILED at that! An invisible wall came between us that I smashed into.
Discord made a toast with a gray stone chalice overfilled with chocolate milk. The base resembled a griffon's claw, with the cup carved to look like four pony skulls facing outwards in different directions. One looking enraged, one filled with sorrow, the third soulless indifference, and the last one consumed with madness. Discord DRANK THE MILK from the cup! Not the cup from the milk!
"I look forward to it my dear, it has been eight billion years since I danced with somepony whose beauty was only surpassed by mine."
With a snap of Discord 's fingers, I was teleported away.
And when it's just you, me, and my little princess, we shall have our happily chaotic ever after at last. One handy-dandy finger snap, and it's 'bye-bye, giant chip on your shoulder!' and 'welcome back, laughter!' ...And my biggest, WARMEST welcome to my brand-spanking-new unbridled, red-hot, accept-no-substitutes queen-of-insanity! Oh, Pinkie Pie, I knew there was a reason I spared you during the Lost Third Age!"
"And I've been doing my hardest to be everything I was born to be ever since." Fluttercruel finished.
Rancor patted her on the head. "You have such fervor in your brutality, girl. I like you."
Fluttercruel looked at her in shock. "You-you do?"
"You didn't think I was one of the 'goodie two-shoes' did you? I'm Violence incarnate."
"No it's just . . . even Master thinks I need to learn some new tricks."
"I'm not saying he's wrong, girl. But you don't need to give up the core of who you are to do that."
"I-I know, Dad has said that before but-"
Rancor smiled, "But you felt he was encroaching on your individuality and that he was trying to force you to be what he wanted you to be. Trust me. I went through the same thing with my Dad. But you gotta realize he only wants what's best for you, and no matter what he says or what he does, he's only doing it because he cares about you. Not that he'd admit it, but he likes to hide a lot of his emotions from even himself, trust me, it's my job to know."
"I . . . I guess I already knew that but-but-"
"You didn't want to give ground by admitting you were wrong, you really are like him."
Fluttercruel eyes narrowed. "Don't push it."
"Heh, okay, that's never the right thing to say, but seriously, you two complete each other. What if something happened to him?"
"That's never going to happen because no one can defeat Master, and even if they could, I wouldn't let it happen, I'd protect him to the end."
"So you do care about him."
Discord and Angry Pie had each entered the room, the former trailing slightly behind the latter.
"Look who's back!" Rancor grinned.
Angry Pie trotted away from Discord, she didn't look at the others.
"Good luck kiddo," Rancor kissed Cruelty on the forehead.
"Hey-hey-hey." Rancor floated next to Anger.
Angry Pie didn't respond.
"It's alright, I can actually hear your heart. You and Cruelty are actually alike like that."
Rancor caught the hoof.
"HEY!" Fluttercruel gasped, "How-her leg!"
"I fixed it."
"Felt like it."
"Now don't be like that, cutie. No, I am taking you seriously. Seriously girl, ponies take you LESS seriously when you're like that! No, I'm not joking! Sheesh you have issues. But honestly, you spread violence, so does Cruelty, and you're both so PASSIONATE about it, and both of you are more than willing to commit revenge. Which all happen to be things I embody! So of course I think you BOTH are fun to be around! You just need to open up some. WOAH! Almost caught me off guard with that one. Angry Pie, here's some free advice, you need FOCUS for all that anger. Aimless anger doesn't go anywhere, it just floats and that's just wasteful."
'Daddy Discord' jingled on Discord's pager. "All right everyone! SHOW TIME!"
"Aren't you joining us?" Rancor asked.
"Hey! We're protecting Master! He's not protecting us!" Fluttercruel declared. She waited for Angry Pie to mutter 'Coward,' or something to that effect, but no noise came. Eh? Fluttercruel looked at the Earth Pony confused.
'And he's not stealing my foals from me...not again!'
Discord spoke to Fluttercruel. "Cruelty
"Don't you dare fail me Fluttercruel."
"Don't disappointment me Fluttercruel."
"Give them Pony Hell Cruel!"
"Do your best Cruelty."
Cruelty startled, and nearly fell over, Rancor caught her. 'What . . . what was that?' She shook her head. Didn't matter. She had traitors to crush and threats to Master to turn into red paint. "I don't need to be Master." She smirked at him.
She startled at the look on his face. Not angry or annoyed at an order not being followed but, sad? Cruelty shook her head again, she'd show Master he had NOTHING to worry about. She was the only one he needed to be happy.
Cruelty's ear flickered to Angry Pie . . . what was the mad pony muttering to herself now?
"Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake, Fuse Box, Bomb Pie, Powder Cake, Grenade Pie, Short Fuse, Little Hex, Hatchet and Latchet, Spring Dew, Morning Light, Stormy Night, Apple Sauce . . ."
And for the first time in her life, Fluttercruel was for a split moment scared of her. Those insane eyes. They were so, focused. Like when she had one of her nasty little apprentices.
Rancor meanwhile felt it, the gray murder pony's passion, her raw power, climbing like storm factors. Heat actually began to build up around the pony. Rancor approved.
"So the Memory Spell didn't work," Applejack said.
"On the Valeyard, it didn't." Twilight replied. "But it was intended for the Doctor, not the Valeyard. But it should have healed the Doctor's persona for when he regenerates."
"It probably ought to say something that the Valeyard hasn't reappeared for Round Two, when, as a time traveller, he could literally ambush us at any time." Rarity observed. "Including five minutes ago. Or indeed, five CENTURIES ago."
"Yeah, so either the Doctor's back in business... or that cat's finally ran clean out of spare lives." Spike scowled.
"Let's try to keep a positive outlook, shall we? Morbidness doesn't suit you, Spike." Rarity said, frowning at the darkening expression on the dragon's face. "Is there something wrong?"
"Oh, nothing at all. Except that it's been a thousand years since I first met you, Rarity, and I'm proving just as useless in battle as when I was a BABY."
"Spike, you're being absurd," said Rarity.
"Ya've been plenty of help in battle and out!" Added Applejack.
"A giant dragon thinks he can't help, that's-" Derpy gave Apple Pie a look. "-Not funny."
"You have been PLENTY of help!" Rarity insisted.
"Don't be so sore simply because a creep who prepares for everything came PREPARED to swiftly kill a dragon who could bite him in two!" Twilight scolded Spike like a mother.
"You are a force of nature, Spike, dear." Rarity said.
"So I'm just dumb muscle?"
"Don't you ever say you're dumb again!" Derpy flew up to him eye to eye. "I know what it's like for everypony to think you're retarded, to think you're 'special ed.' I got put into those classes and missed out on learning things I SHOULD HAVE learned! No pony's ever thought you were dumb! Me, Rarity, Applejack, we all know you're clever."
"So far all I've done is take orders. How much 'cleverness' does THAT take?" At this point, Spike's voice started to choke up a little. "And... and if I'm so smart... that Dragonsbane dart of the Valeyard's... how come I didn't see that coming?!"
Twilight facehoofed. "None of us saw that coming Spike! Discord prefers to toy with his victims, not kill them. We had a thousand years of experience working against us!"
"And if it happens again? If Fluttercruel decides to take that page out of the Valeyard's playbook? Is there a way to protect myself?"
"See? You thought ahead to if a repeat happened! THAT'S smart!"
Spike lowered his head, uncertainty in his eyes.
Rarity said in solemn tone, "You think yourself uncreative, Spike? You think you're dim-witted? Tom, I imagine, would gravely disagree with you on that score."
A part of Rarity was genuinely angry with Spike. And with that for Spike came shame. "I'm sorry Rarity. I apologize. I really was being a complete jerk just now."
"Not a complete one, dear. You just need to stop selling yourself short."
"Any yah helped with the turrets! Yah were tearin' through 'em like Dracozilla!"
"They still have Dracozilla in this day and age?"
"Dracozilla will never die!"
Spike couldn't help but laugh a bit. Rarity gave his neck a caring nuzzle.
(Twilight, please, you can't afford to cater to Spike's self-worth issues, right now. Save it for after Discord's slain.)
'I can't afford NOT TO. Discord's too good at destroying others with their personal demons. It's one of his all-time favorite weapons.'
(Then you should quit, walk away, and find Element embodiments who don't whine and angst every five minutes.)
'Are you suggesting I mail-order replacement friends? Even if I could do such a thing... EVERYONE has their share of psychological baggage. And the more impurities we hammer out now, the stronger our bond will be forged when we face Discord.'
(You should remember that being able to stand on your own four hooves is not a sin.)
'You sound like the Valeyard.'
(Just because an enemy is an enemy, does that mean he has NO good ideas? All his opinions, knowledge, life experience... they automatically amount to garbage? Such an outlook strikes me as the epitome of vanity. And I think Traitor Dash would agree with me on that.)
And Twilight went cold as Dash's voice floated back into her memory: "Doesn't anyone... anyone at all... think my words... are worth... worth listening... to...? Just once?"
(If you can't stand on your own, how do you ever expect to support your friends?)
Twilight had no logical retort to that.
"Everypony. On Spike. If we're lucky we can force our way in from one of the upper floors. I'd teleport us there, but I'm not wasting a drop of mana. We're going to need every last bit of our strength we can."
"Wait one second!" Rarity interrupted. "Much as I hate to disrupt such an exciting moment... might I propose an alternative to storming the castle?"
Twilight cocked her head quizzically.
"Consider this: when we took out the Valeyard, we deprived Discord of his most effective tracker, (save for Discord, himself.) The six of us could elude the likes of Fluttercruel and Angry Pie... or fight them, if need be."
(There's very little 'if' about it.)
"Regardless, Discord wants for us to come to him, to the castle."
Their eyes all flicked to the red carpet.
"The way I see it: why play into his hands? Again? The castle is LOADED with deathtraps. Minions. Portals to bad places. We could just NOT go there. Wait him out. Inevitably, Discord will grow bored, all cooped up in that castle of his. Maybe he'll come to us... and we fight then! Or maybe he'll go somewhere else... to 'play.' And we just find out where... and ambush him!"
practical! And logical." Twilight said, with an thoughtful nod. "But Discord will see right through it. What's to stop him from "playing" on one continent on Monday, then warping over to a different continent on Tuesday? How do we even keep tabs on his movements? Anticipate where he'll strike next? No matter how hard Spike flies or I teleport, we could very well be chasing Discord all around the world, until poor Apple Pie here, dies of old age! So I'm sorry, Rarity, but our safest bet is to stop this, here and now, even if it means braving the castle."
Rarity sighed. "How I wish I could say you were wrong."
Don't ask us how our flight took us over Ponyville. It was Discord's 'Capital Of Chaos' there was little in the way of 'logical' about it. Yes it was painful. Last time we were there, we were Discord's little minions. And Apple Pie had seen three or more of her friends die.
It was also where I heard Apple Pie laugh for the first time, and Discord had spared her solely for that laugh. And my curiosity for the 'why' of her laugh had brought about all this.
Puella. Caster. Magica. Ah promise, Ah'm gonna help save the world. Just ya watch.
Last time I was here, I saw a town full of diamonds, and wanting them all, discarding everything ELSE that had value that went beyond mere things. Is that where my dress shop was? It's been so long. I'm sorry Old Rarity, I think even after everything is over I won't be able to go back to making dresses, I'm sorry. But maybe, maybe my talents can help me be an artist of a different kind. For now, I desire this nightmare to end, for my friends to be together again.
This is Ponyville? Where's our house? Where's the post office? Where's SugarCube Corner? A thousand years. All that time I spent going around the castle. I didn't think how much Ponyville would have changed. I knew everypony else was gone. Carrot Top. Everypony. But . . . muffins, mommy promises, if our old home isn't here anymore then we'll make a new one.
Me and RD, we sure did our hardest to spare as many ponies as we could here didn't we? If ya really thought their lives weren't worth livin', ya wouldn't have tried so hard to save'em. And here Ah am. The invisible Saint Applejack. Let's hope this saint can pull off a miracle. Father of All Alicorns, if yah are listenin', please help us. We're gonna need every bit of help we can get.
Spike didn't care much for Ponyville itself, everything that mattered about Ponyville to him was riding on his back right now.
"Hey gals, check out down below, that's new."
Twilight turned around. After what had happened with the Dragonsbane dart, she'd been spending the flight injecting Apple Pie, Derpy, and Spike with a number of antitoxins and anti-venoms, just to be on the safe side.
"What is it, Spike?"
"Look down, I swear we've left crazy town and gone just plain weirds-ville!"
The others looked too, Applejack let out the first gasp.
"What in tarnation?"
"Why do all the ponies look so strange?" Apple Pie asked.
Over half the ponies, virgacorns, hippogriffs, and others, instead of being gray or having grayed out colors, were colored in painfully bright tones, grinning brightly and their eyes outright sparkling.
The few changelings about looked gorged or drunk on the feast of positive emotions.
But that wasn't the capper. A pony with a racing cutie mark had an entire car, track, and lights and bleachers covering his entire flanks and legs. A pony with a painting cutie mark had an entire art museum on the rear half of her body. The images of the cutie marks weren't simply 'zoomed' to take up more space, but looked like an artist had taken the simple straight forward design and had expanded them into ornamentations of several dozen cutie marks' worth.
A grayed-out mare whose cutie mark was a puzzle cube, was looking at the ground, one of endless number of ponies who had lost the will to live. She bumped into one of the grinning bright colors ponies, and their eyes met.
Her eyes began to swirl a familiar pattern, and her colors went from gray, to bright enough to hurt Apple Pie's eyes. The mare grinned as her cutie mark became an entire puzzle pattern that covered half her body. She giggled as she obsessively and compulsively began drawing puzzle designs into the patterned dirt and began taking apart and putting things back together giggling happily the whole time.
"Was bound to happen some day." Spike said, "Discord ran out of ways to make ponies miserable so he's seeing what it's like to make them insanely happy instead."
Rarity picked up on the tiny detail, "Their eyes, they're all spinning the REVERSE of how ponies under Discord's geasses normally do."
"At least they're not hurtin' themselves or each other," AJ said.
"If those strange colors spread by lookin' at each other . . . this'll spread to our family when they go to market next?" Apple Pie asked.
"Not if we beat Discord before then," Twilight stated, with more conviction than she felt.
"I hate to look a gift-horse in the mouth, but why aren't we going insane by looking at them?" Rarity asked.
"Inside Elements of Harmony?" Derpy asked.
"Works for me."
"The bright colors are weird lookin', but Ah wouldn't mind havin' a super cutie mark like that." Apple Pie said.
"It doesn't look that bad," Derpy agreed.
"Do we stop ta help'em?" AJ asked.
"They're not hurting each other for now. So let's focus on our real goal." Rarity said.
"Agreed." Twilight said.
My name is Twilight The Unicorn, and we're now flying towards Discord's palace of chaos. He didn't just remake Canterlot Castle and Canterlot City, he made his castle out of the entire mountain! Not that you could tell that this had ever BEEN a mountain.
The fortress was deceptively logical, that's to say it looked like it could actually exist, not that the design plan followed any rhyme or reason for more than one or two sections. Discord's choice in colors for his fortress was like everything else about him: one part garish, ugly, over the top, and one part dark, depressing, and gray. I never said it made sense. I can see Applejack's castle garden from here. It may be chaotic, but it was one of the few actually beautiful things in this horrid place, I hope it stays.
"Spike, stop! Everyone! Prepare for formation!"
"Eh?" Spike raised an eyebrow as he slowed his approach.
"We should be close enough now. We're going to hit that house of horrors with the Elements here and now!"
"What?!" Everyone said.
"That castle rearranges itself on Discord's whims and its own. I am NOT letting us get separated again by another hedge maze! So we're going to hit hard and take one of Discord's biggest advantages out of the fight! If we're lucky it'll restore Princess Celestia too and cure Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy and petrify Discord! I'm done playing by his 'rules.'"
"Uh," Derpy meekly protested, "Won't that kinda show 'em that we have 'em? The Elements, I mean?"
"Discord's not stupid. There's six of us. Dash and the Valeyard identified most of us... and you can trust Discord's been monitoring our fights. He'll know I wouldn't have come back unless I had a way to beat him. The jig is up."
"Alright," Derpy sighed.
"To the end, Twilight," Spike simply said.
"Ah trust ya, Half-Light."
"If it can save everypony without a fight, count me in," AJ added.
"You better know what you're doing, Twilight," Rarity said lowly.
(I fully approve. The look on Discord's face would be lovely.)
The six ponies tapped into their inner selves, thinking about what their own personal truths meant to them, and what they all meant to Twilight.
The symbols of Harmony appeared on the heroes, and the rainbow of light formed from them, and the love and tolerance death-ray came crashing down.
The castle stones gave a giant groan: a muffled panicked scream. The castle grew legs and hustled out of the way of the beam of harmony, leaving a 'scorch mark' of normal brown dirt in its place, amidst the surrounding checkerboard pattern.
"NOW THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Derpy shouted first.
"Oh no you don't! Fire two!"
The castle skidded backwards, trembling in fear.
"WHAAA!" Cruelty fell on her face.
"My good china!" Discord cried out.
"This may look funny, but it's not," Anger grumbled upside down on her head.
"Anyone catch the number of that bus?" Rancor shook her pounding head from the stone block that fell on her.
Discord floated up, "Seriously this castle needs to learn to dodge much more gracefully, I think I overpaid for this dump."
His collection of record players, turntables, and 8-tracks fell over and buried him. He excavated himself. "Where were we? Screwball! Mad Tiara! Uncle needs you!"
"Who, Master?" Cruelty looked confused.
"Don't be rude, Cruelty! You know Screwball and Mad Tiara, your... oh right I guess you wouldn't."
"Master, are you feeling alright?"
"Of... Of course I am."
"Let me guess, you helped design that too?" Spike asked.
"Nope," Twilight answered.
Rarity said quickly, "Twilight, we can't keep firing the Rainbow Of Light all day! It's a serious drain on our magic reserves!"
"It's scared," Applejack whispered. "The Castle's scared.
"You're joking," Twilight and Spike said together.
"No Ah'm not. It . . . " Applejack remembered little fairy ponies. "It doesn't want to die."
"It's a castle! It's made out of stones and bricks! How can it be afraid to die when it's not even-" Rarity glared darkly at Twilight, followed by Derpy. "-never mind."
"Twi, spell me with that Royal Shout Magic," Applejack said.
"'Royal Canterlot Voice.'"
"Whatever just enchant me!"
Twilight did so.
"Howdy! Chaos Castle! Ahem."
"She isn't really," Twilight whispered.
"She is," Rarity answered.
"Greetings and how do you do, good Chaos Castle. It is nice to see you again. How thoughtful that you have kept my lovely garden safe for me." Abigail Jacqueline said in tones as polite and formal as when she let herself go alone with Rarigreed. "I am terribly sorry we have returned under these dreadful circumstances, darling. Your decor is as spontaneous and expressive as ever. But we seem to be at an impasse, I presume you do not wish to continue to keep ducking and dodging, and we do not wish to keep firing rainbows at you. I do deeply apologize for all our inconsiderate, uncalled-for behavior. Twilight, in particular, showed no consideration for your feelings on the matter and I apologize for her."
"Apologize for me? Ow!" Applejack kicked her.
"I hope we are able to move on. I am certain you are an upright, intelligent, reasonable, and rational castle who makes good decisions. But darling, I fear we must share some very harsh words with your Master. Now I am certain you have a vested interest in these affairs, but you should realize your Master cares not a whit for you. He would just as likely blow you up if he found another place to live. If you would but let us through, and not take sides, act as a neutral noncombatant, we promise to hold no grudge against you. And should we prove victorious in our endeavor, we'll have the maids switch duties from dirtying you to cleaning you instead. And you shall have two new owners who genuinely care about all life, including yours.
Now doesn't that sound positively smashing? If this arrangement is to your liking and agreement, please Pinkamena Swear on it darling."
Two of the castle towers (one containing Cruelty's collection of kicked puppies and the other one million pounds of Hearth Warming's Eve fruitcake from Ponythulu), then mimed the Pinkie Promise, using one of the windows as the 'eye.'
Abigail turned back to Twilight and said, "There darling that should, erm- that oughta do it partner!"
Twilight brought her hooves to her ringing ears.
"Let me ... just fix that," Twilight removed the enchantment.
Apple Pie stared at Applejack her eyes huge. "Saint Abigail
Applejack... which one is the real ya?"
"The one whose yer family and yer friend. Darling," she kissed her on the nose.
"Done hiding?" Rarity asked calmly.
"Ah wasn't hidin' nothin'."
Rarity made a sleigh bell laugh. "Heh, liar," she said with endearment.