alexwarlorn

Critters of Bright Valley: Weekly Episodes 2 Catty Servants

2024 April 20th

Word Count: 3,038

Spring cleaning time, her newest spell Wren grasps the wisdom sometimes a simple solution is best.

Taking bets.

If Cyclops' father shows up in X-Men, how much money you wanna bet that his wife didn't die at the hands of ghoulish Shi'ar scientists? Or isn't dead at all?

Eto Rangers 5

Opens with Dog and Monk debating which came first the chicken or the egg.

They decide to go to the source and ask Tart (Chicken).

She defends that she not just a chicken, but THE Chicken, of course she knows.

Then they get called in for a mission, saved by the bell.

When they learn the story world this time is the ugly duckling, the rest of the team pick the conflict ball.

The team makes awkward comments towards Tart about her appearance.

This time it's Mouse (is this guy gonna be on every mission? Can't we have someone else for a change? I know he's the hero of this tale, but it's meant to be a TEAM EFFORT!).

Snake.

Tart (of course).

Pig (FINALLY!).

And Bull.

Once story side, the conflict ball is bounced around, as their less than pleasant landing leads to Bakamaru(Mouse) making remarks about Tart's big rear.

Dr. Snake, "There are things you don't say to a lady."

Bull, "But I was just being honest!" (Poor Bull.)

Tart goes off in a huff. The team follows, and they spot the nest, and the ducklings hatch.

Except what comes out of the last egg isn't a duckling, of course... but it's not a cygnet...

It's a freakin' ostrich!!!

Being he's the only named character in the story, the heroes wonder if he's the monster.

But Tart doesn't believe the Ugly Duckling is the monster with his beautiful eyes.

The rest split up to find it. But Tart wants to look after the poor kid (logical since he is, ya know, the keystone of the story).

The story painfully plays out as normal, with the ducklings being rude and dismissive of their brother. Then the Ugly Duckling tries to swim... except Ostriches can't! Tart jumps in to save him... except she can't either!

The crew on the ship can only look on helplessly.

Tart is about to drown (and the UD with her)... when she uses a macguffin (like the kid Cream, Drago, Tiger, and the like use) and I'm having flashbacks to Princess Tutu! (If you don't know what that is, then you have not lived).

And Tart assumes a human form and saves the UD.

The UD wonders if she's his mother, she insists she's isn't, but he calls her 'mama' anyway.

The UD defiantly insists he's a duck, despite scientific facts to the contrary. He dries himself as birds do, splattering Tart, she's annoyed at this, but the UD lays as a child would, and she just laughs back. And she checks out her human form enjoying her appearance.

Mouse and Snake wander not finding anyone...

They find a man with an axe coming out of a mill... and blast him with the revealing mirror.

"Agh! Stop!"

"Reveal your true form already!"

"Stop it, you're blinding me!"

Oops. Wrong guy.

"You think it's funny to play pranks?! I'll teach you!" Bakamaru runs for his life as the angry man with the axe follows.

Snake is sure the others have found the imposter by now.

Bull and Pig meanwhile... are fishing.

And... they spot an octopus in a vacation shirt... who just casually asks if they've caught anything yet. Whom they politely chat with.

AN OCTOPUS DOES NOT FIT IN THIS STORY WORLD!

It's like the rhino, it only fits from a alien POV!

The UD wants to try swimming again, but Tart stops him.

The UD is determined to swim like a duck is supposed to, but Tart promises to help him swim later to calm him down.

The really feel sorry for this kid. A square peg trying to find in a round hole.

Tart promises in spite of the fact is'a lie. Justifying it as when he becomes a swan, she'll be helping him swim.

Pig and Bull say they didn't find anyone... seriously?!

And seeing Tart in her human form... Bakamaru blasts her with the revealing mirror.

Reminds me of the Order of the Stick joke.

"This leaves me aghast."

"A GHAST?! TURN UNDEAD!"

"MY EYES!"

(Comedy is consistency in the face of absurdity.)

Tart says she'll stay in her human form for a while.

Finally Pig brings up the octopus.

And unlike before, they realize an octopus does not fit the context of this world!

They return to find the octopus gone.

And Bakamaru is gonna fish for an octopus... with a jar.

It's a japanese stereotype that octopi LOVE to hide in jars.

It seems that in the form of an octopus, the guy has to OBEY the rules of being an octopus.

The octopus complains about them fishing out... the heroes blast him with the mirror... and he assumes his true monstrous form.

Tart is determined to keep her promise to the UD... but her kicks don't damage the spongey creature.

They're all soon caught in the beast's grip. Snake tells Bull to focus on the RED Octopus monster. RED!

Bull assumes his feral form and pummels its tentacles... and it doesn't work. D-:

And... the Ugly Duckling shouts at the big bully to not hurt his mother.

Tart tells the kid to run for it... but he's not retreating, she needs to teach him how to swim after all... That is legit heart breaking.

He's determined to save her like she saved him.

The monster is determined to get rid of this pest, but the very form it cursed him with proves to be its undoing as the ostrich's strength and agility causes its tentacles to get tied up.

Snake actually uses the word 'kill' with the monster, since otherwise this world will die.

She tells him to run... he refuses. She says if he doesn't she won't teach him to swim. But his moment of hesitation gives the beast its opening.

Tart tells Bakamaru to call for help already.

Horse is called... and his boomerang this time works perfectly, slicing off the beast's tentacles.

Tart lands on Pig, while Bull catches the UD.

The UD is scared, but Tart hugs him,

"You're a boy aren't you? Don't cry." She says kindly.

The beast, unable to fight, becomes energy and flees. Bakamaru calls Kirinda. And the beast is cleaned, becoming a flower, and the world is healed.

Little changes besides there now being a FIELD of flowers.

The Ugly Duckling vanishes.

Tart doesn't seem worried.

Back on the ship's monitor, they see the ugly duckling having grown up into a swan.

This is the emotion kingdom hearts SHOULD HAVE invoked.

To repair these words, their good deeds are doomed to go unrewarded. (Minus the Peach Boy pilot where I think they didn't have the rules down yet.)

And Dog and Monk argue again about which came first.

Tart meanwhile spots the kind eyes of the Ugly Duckling on the swan.... who actually waves her goodbye in the sky on the monitor!

"You can swim all you want now. Goodbye my little ostrich."

This is legit more heart breaking than Sheep and George's parting in an earlier episode.

Next week... it's the Chinese epic, Journey to the West...

Except it's the WILD WEST!

And Monk is thrusted into the role of Son Goku... except without any of his powers as the Monkey King! Uh-oh.

Eto Rangers episode 4.

W're allowed to see the heroes goofing off as they wait to arrive at the next story world.

Monkey, Sheep, and Rabbit are eating ice scream.

Dog, Tiger, Horse, and Dragon are enjoying green tea.

Snake, Horse, and Mouse are drinking coffee... Mouse finds he HATES the taste.

And Pig and Chicken are playing a guess game of which color will zoom by next in hyper space. That's right, they actually acknowledge the colorful lines dramatically going passed the ship!!!

Next story is the Tortoise and the Hare.

Naturally Rabbit is not a fan.

Kirin, "Like it or hate it, doesn't matter."

And... Mouse (again), Rabbit (again), Monkey (second time in three adventures), Dragon (previous called in for back up last episode), and Dog (second time in three adventures).

Poor Pig. Guy doesn't get any love.

Remember, in Japanese folklore, Dogs and Monkeys don't get along.

Kirin again tell them "Like each other, or hate each other, doesn't mater, don't make keep saying it."

Unlike the previous episode, the heroes spot a corruption in the world on the spot...

Pretty sure Tortoise and the Hare didn't have gangsters tommy-gunning each other from 1920s style cars.

Monkey berates Dog for saying the obvious (when someone says the obvious, it's normally polite to just move on, unless it's being purposely done to get a rise out of someone, and there it's again better to just ignore it).

The others tell the pair to cool it. They have the Tortoise and the Hare to find.

And... we get some Chorus vixens... This show could never get made today.

Monkey loves the music and goes nuts.

Mouse asks for four veggies juices. (4Kids would likely do a double take, and go into an existential crisis wondering if someone went back in time and did their job for them.)

Thankfully this time they find the Tortoise and the Hare quickly, the two trading insults.

The two take it outside... (never mind they never paid for the drinks).

Hare and Tortoise stare each other down... but not in a race, but looking to beat each other to a pulp. THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT ACCORDING TO THE MORAL OF THE STORY!

Mouse is sure one of them has to be the imposter.

Mouse epically introduces himself as one of the Eto Rangers... the two have no idea what that is. Mouse decides to skip the episode and uses the mirror on the spot...

... And NEITHER OF THEM are the imposter!

Drago points out how little sense this makes as the Tortoise and the Hare are the only two characters in the story!

Mouse tries to settle things peacefully... and it turns out they were going to settle things with a car race.

"Currie rice?"

Other rangers, "CAR RACE!"

"Sheesh, I'm joking, I'm joking. No need to get all snappy..."

The two agree on a race up Thunder Mountain tomorrow.

Mouse reminds them that if they don't find and destroy the monster by the end of the story, the Novel World will break apart.

But a car race won't give them much time to clear things out.

Makes me wonder what happens if they ever end up in a story that takes longer than two days.

Rabbit gets a map of the race, (don't ask how, given she's a rabbit and one of the characters is a hare...).

Mouse makes the risky move that could damage the story further by entering the race themselves to make sure the story stays on track.

Monk asks how they get a care.

Cream saw a care rental store (never mind if they have currency for this world).

Monkey tells 'CAPTAIN' Mouse to find the monster... but racing looks SOOOOO much more fun!

Cream The Rabbit, "We're not here to have fun."

Mouse, "Fine. I'll RESPONSIBLY find the monsters all by myself."

Cue a a victory confetti ball.

Other Rangers, "You're the best!"

Mouse is not happy.

Turtle's car,

Turtleneck GT

He's sure he can beat Hare's jalopy.

BTW: 'jalopy' has its origin, the word 'jalop' meant cheap alcoholic drinks.

Hare's NEW car,

Super Rabbit RX

And the two speed along neck in neck...

And Monk and Pochiro (Dog) are stuck together again in a pair of race cars. The two losing track of their mission in favor of old species grudges.

Monk and Pochiro are caught off guard by the Tortoise and the Hare and race to catch up.

Drago and Cream are on Drago's flying nimbus observing events.

Personally I think these idiots entering the race is a BAD IDEA as it just disrupts the story MORE.

Tortoise is not happy while Hare is EXCITED.

Drago observes all they're doing is making the race get done FASTER... which is basically a count down to this story's destruction if they can't find the imposter...

Mouse is a mess with no clue where the monster is and is unhappy to be by himself.

And... he chooses to summon Snake for COMPANY...

Monk and Pochiro block rabbit... and turtle passes!

Did these guys even read how the story is supposed to go?

Hare's own arrogance is supposed to defeat him!

And... HARE'S CAR HAS A SUPER JUMP WITH A CONTROL PANEL LIKE THE MACH 5 from SPEED RACER!

Snake isn't happy about being summoned just for company until Mouse does some ego stroking.

Even Mouse is beside himself at how easy that worked.

Tortoise stays true to "slow and steady wins the race." (No, fast AND steady wins the race!).

Dog and Monkey try to lure Hare into taking his famous name, but he's too caught up in racer's high.

Monk and Pochiro's rivalry gets the better of them at last, and they crash the rentals.

Monk tells Pochiro he's the one paying for them!

Cream decides it's her turn at bat... and she uses a magical girl wand... to turn from a cute sci-fi fantasy bunny girl... into a shapely anthro rabbit wearing a playboy bunny costume...

We all knew this was coming.

It's embarrassing, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, and Cream doesn't seem to mind turning on the charm.

Snake figures the Jyarei monster MUST BE someone from the bar as that's where the inciting incident of the story happened.

Mouse wonders if he's jumping to conclusions, but Mouse decides to use the mirror on everyone in the bar at once... dang that thing is bright!

Nope. Nothing.

The Rhino bar tender picks up the two, not happy at the two bothering his customers.

Meanwhile, Hare is gloating in his victory... when he spots Cream and stops wondering what's up.

"Did you come all the way here to give me a ride?"

"You'll catch a cold standing there dreAnd ssed like that, 'baby.' "

Then he drives off, giving her a face full of smoke, laughing.

Cream throws a fit at her charms failing and him not knowing a beautiful girl when he sees one.

And Snake and Mouse are thrown out of the bar, and the mirror falls out and flashes the Rhino bar tender.

The beast stands revealed.

Snake is proud he was right.

The monster wonders how the heck these guys are.

And Bakamaru (Mouse) proves how strong he is when he jumps up in the air, catches the building sized monster on the horn, then kicks him in the face, sending him into the street so hard it makes pavement fly. Snake isn't happy at Bakamaru's recklessness least snake become collateral damage.

The beast snags Bakamaru before he can slice the beast up with his light saber.

And it looks like Hare is gonna win... Cream has mixed feelings about this.

They hear the battle... and decide to cut off the corruption at its source.

Drago assumes his true form, and fire breaths the monster, getting Bakamaru rear scorched in the process but is thankful for the save.

Dragons calls on lightning... Blasting the monster dead center... the beast morphs into energy and flee.

Kirinda enters. (I wonder how Kirinda entering to finish off the monster doesn't disrupt the story.)

And the monster is finished and morphs into a flower.

The city and extra characters vanish (implying they didn't have any identity). And the race becomes a foot race, and the tortoise and hare lose their 'humans in all but name' traits (like say Aggretsuko) becoming traditional fairy tale animals.

Also, in retrospect, a european fairy tale wouldn't have a Rhino, people read the description of the Rhino and imagined a horse with a big horn on its head.

And the story plays out as the author intended. Even if Cream is again noon to happy.

And the episode ends on the iconic shot of the Hare napping as the Tortoise hurries past.

I admit, it's rather inconsistent between episodes on how the reality warping and reality reverting works.

Next time...

We've had a Japanese folktale.

A Grimm fairytale.

A Greek Aesop.

And now one of Hans Anderson's works, the Ugly Duckling.

Only instead of a swan the poor hatchling is an OSTRICH!

How has trade mark changed?

The name of the rabbit character in Eto Rangers? IT'S CREAM!!!

And this show was made in 1995!

And Sonic's Cream the Rabbit came out in Sonic Advanced 2 in 2002!

7 years apart.

Meanwhile, Friendship is Magic repeatedly had to change character names due to not having the trademark for those names anymore (I find it every kind of disturbing that you can trademark someone's NAME! Ask the poor McDonalds' brothers if you think it only applies to fictional characters.)

Given how copyright sue happy people are in the US of A... yeah.